#nudusforis

[dialmformara]

nudusforis replied to your post:Negatives of today: I woke up before sunrise to...

Burger, fries, hot tea and fantastic sex?I want your life!

Wish I could help you with that ;) Unfortunately, I have no way of sending White Spot burgers to New Zealand.

[dialmformara]

What I come to Tumblr for:

friends and friendly anons

cute pictures of Doctor Who characters

roleplay

an escape from responsibility

What I get on Tumblr:

street protests against oppressive governments

dire warnings about ableism, sexual and emotional abuse, and homophobia

text posts dismissing my peeves as disrespectful

What I want to do:

block every post and unfollow every blog which makes my Tumblr dashboard not the safe and pleasant space I intended to create for myself

Why I can't:

most of you who post these things I find disturbing are good people with good intentions

many of you are my friends

one is my moirail

one is my sister

What I might do instead:

delete this blog

make goldplatedbullet my main blog

pare the blogs I follow down to rp partners and close friends

stop scrolling through this website looking for peace of mind it will not provide

[dialmformara]

Romantic uncertainty makes my stomach hurt.

Thinking about him gives me butterflies. He's almost exactly where I am on the autism spectrum. He's just as cute with glasses as without. He took my observation that his pocketknife with the pliers in the middle looked like a sarlacc seriously. He's agreed to read Homestuck in return for recommending Narbonic. It's taken me all of two days to decide I like his haircut and how he smells.

Having the difficult conversation--the "are we sure we want to be a couple" conversation--made the butterflies do backflips. I told him Saturday night was too much fun to step all the way back from, and that it was okay if he had to cancel dates because of science. Talking about the more distant future was even more painful--he doesn't know where he'll be next year, and I don't know about the year after that.

The butterflies went away on the way to the lab, but now they're back, huddled in a painful little knot in my stomach. What if he says no? What if he says yes?