#nuffle

[kharrneth]

Khorne: Sports is pointless. Why not just do war

Nuffle: *Shows Khorne Oil Wrestling*

Khorne:

[askmalal]

Oh dear Renegade God, I must ask; how did your......"siblings" kick you out of the Warp?

What an interesting question.

Kick me out of the Warp? Little Mortal, there are hundreds of insignificant godlings in the Warp: Neocho only one of them, no offense to him.

My Siblings can’t stop the Anathaema from crossing into the Warp. They can’t stop Bela’kor, that couldn’t stop the Eldar from regrowing their own little god of Death. They have no idea what to do with Vashtorr. Do you really think they would have any luck with me?

Believe me, if it were that simple, there would only be one of us long before your concept of time approaches the present, let alone M42.

There is, of course, the idea that gods can be slain, and if the Eldar are any indication, they certainly can be. It has also been an occasion for one god to devour another from time to time. Of course, this is to speak only of “gods” in the Warp. There are others, and I cannot speak for them.

The principle means of “removing” a god from the Warp is to starve him of the thing that empowers him or… as I have said above, to absorb his essence. But this is tricky. You’d think they’d have figured that out by now. But -something- keeps driving a wedge between them. Something…

In theory, the so called “Chaos Gods” should all be burning out and reforming naturally over time anyway. Wax, Wane: that’s the cycle. The problem is that the other four haven’t done this in ages. Best to encourage them, then.

Thank you for an excellent question, Little Mortal.

[wujczak]

Champions of Death, Blood Bowl team

[science-jumps]

The Coming of Nuffle

Old 2015 commission for a friend’s character riding out into the Blood Bowl field on her cat, which is the avatar of Nuffle, god of the dice.

[askmalal]

“So Tzeentch has birbs, Slaanesh has sneks, Khorne has puppers, Nurgle has flies. What’s your animal?”

Lovely question, Little Mortal. Assuming you mean other than my well stated fondness for black and white animals?

So, you types tend to depict me in a very large number of ways. Which is fair, and which is why I’m often described as “formless.” But most often, I seem to be seen as a three eyed wolf. Which must annoy Magnus to no end, given he chooses that form in his spirit questing journeys - though he is a ginger (or that’s what they say, can’t see color.) I believe very early references describe me as a dragon type thing.

If you are really into concept art, however, there were a large number of spider like things in some of the concept sketches for my daemons, so I suppose that’s a thing. More Atlach-Natcha’s deal, but I borrow it from time to time. I rather like spiders.

I am what you want me to be, mortal-bae.

[askmalal]

Excerpts from the Holonet Inboxes of the Dark Gods...

KHORNE:

To: BloodGod2012

From: -CENSORED-

Dear Mr. Khorne,

It always makes me happy to hear from a great, great -CENSORED- such as yourself. We have big, big plans for -CENSORED-. People like you make it possible for us to Make -CENSORED-.

I think your idea of fitting giant bayonets to our big, beautiful tanks is a wonderful idea. I have suggested it to -CENSORED-. What a perfect email you sent me! What a great day!

Respectfully,

-CENSORED-

.....

To: BloodGod2012

From: Sanrio International

Re: Your Inquiry

Mr. K:

Thank you again for reaching out to us about your missing delivery of the limited edition Hello Kitty(tm) bed set in Mega-Size.

Because this was a custom sized order, it has been difficult to track down. It appears somehow to have become lost in the aether. This is of course embarrassing for us, and I sincerely apologize. Given your long history of support for our organization, I have had another set made, and it will be dispatched shortly along with a few extra surprises. Thank you so much for your patronage and fan loyalty.

If there is any other way in which I can assist you, please do not hesitate to contact me. Warmest regards from all of us here in the Hello Kitty Family!

-CENSORED-

.....

To: BloodGod 2012

From:BBowlFan89

Dear Sir:

I am in possession of your exclusive Hello Kitty bedset. It would be sad to see something happen to it.

If you would like to see it, you will deposit $2 million in BitCoin to a provided account. Reply for details.

You have twenty four hours,

The Kidnappers

P.S.

A limited edition Stretch Armstrong would also be acceptable.

.....

To: BloodGod2012

From:NephrenKa@KMT

Re: Your Email

>what can i put you down for?

>-khorne

For Slaanesh’s birthday party?

STD Medications

- M.

.....

To: BloodGod2012

From: MurderGod2012

Re: Another Mail Mixup

Hey,

I got another big package meant for you. Something from a “Sanrio” company? Really big. I dropped it by Nuffle’s place and asked him to bring it to you. Hope it gets there!

- Khaine

....

[askmalal]

Ghost of Kurze: What on all of the earths is a Kharadron?

Khorne: STRANDED SQUATS WITH PRACTICAL BODY ARMOR. ABLE TO TRANSIT BETWEEN WORLDS BUT TRAPPED WITHIN HELDENHAMMER’s DIMENSION.

Hashut: That’s... quite articulate, Khorne.

Tzeentch: A pain in my infernal ass, that’s what.

Slaanesh: Oooh!

Nuffle: Isn’t that just another name for Space Sharks?

Nurgle: Flying Dwarves. In Zeppelins.

Me: Meh. I mean, I might quibble over terminology, but that is essentially...

Gary: I like to think of them as Dwarves so full of their own importance that they’ve gone all floaty.

Tzeentch: That’s very well put, Speedy Gonzales. I wish I’d thought of that.

Gary: I honestly have no idea how to properly respond to that.

Me: Why all the questions lately, Konrad?

Ghost of Kurze: Reading ‘Age of Sigmar’ stuff during lockdown.

Nurgle: You are at zero risk, being an ethereal being who has passed beyond the....

Ghost of Kurze: Yeah, yeah. I know. Call it a symbolic act and don’t read too much into it, okay? Hanyak.

Nurgle: What did he call me?!

Me: Magyar phrase. Lot of Hungarian (and for some reason, Welsh) words on Nostramo.

Hashut: Welsh -is- the language of evil.

Ghost of Kurze: I called you a crazy idiot, Nurgle.

Nurgle: If you weren’t dead and under Malal’s protection, I’d...

Ghost of Kurze: Sugluk.

Me: *snickers*

Nurgle: What did he call me?!

Me: He called you a “shit ass,” roughly translated.

Nurgle: Nah... those are cacodaemons. Different department.

Hashut: So, I always think of the Kharadron as GW’s way to apologize to Dwarf players for years of neglect. Except my people. Because to hell with my people, right? I mean, come on, man, we...

Khorne: IT’S JUST A GAME, RUNT. IN THEIR REALITY, THEY HAVE IT SLIGHTLY BETTER.

Hashut: That’s not adequate. You know damned well, that if enough people believe in something, that thing becomes...

Me: Here we go again.

Hashut: *continues* ...and that’s how they LOST the Juggernaut. And then, “what’s this mysterious threat from the East?! Let’s give them a proper army book. Nah. Just do something with Ogres, because...”

Ghost of Kurze: I feel as if my question was not adequately answered.

Hashut: ...and then Forgeworld comes along, but loses interest in Fantasy, so...

Nurgle: Same company. Just a made up name to justify higher prices.

Hashut: *ignores this* breaks the damned Skullcracker mold...

Me: Yeah. I think we’ll cut here.

Nuffle: But, I was going to ask....

Tzeentch: Constantine Valdor?

Nuffle: *shrieks*

[askmalal]

Me: So, what kind of music -do- you like?

Khorne: WHO’S ASKING?

Me: It was just an interesting statement I saw directed at Absinthe, I think, via tumblr.

Khorne: WHAT DID THE STATEMENT CLAIM?

Me: That you only like trumpets and bagpipes. And maybe other military instruments.

Khorne: LIKE FIFE AND DRUM, BAZOOKIE, HURDY-GURDY. CISTRUM. CAMEL DRUM. THOSE PIPES HOPLITES PLAYED?

Me: I don’t think humans all remember their history further than about a century ago. But yes.

Khorne: RUDE! I LIKE OTHER MUSIC, TOO.

Me: Yeah?

Khorne: GUITAR, ACCOUSTIC AND ELECTRIC. MANDOLIN. LYRE. OOH! BANJO.

Me: You like the banjo?

Khorne: YES.

Me: It’s a very happy instrument.

Khorne: STEVE MARTIN TAUGHT ME TO PLAY.

Me: Eh?

Khorne: I WAS AN EXTRA ON ‘THREE AMIGOS’

Me: Oh yeah? What did you do?

Khorne: MARTIN SHORT’s STUNT DOUBLE.

Me: Wha...

Khorne: SO YES. ALSO COLDPLAY. I LIKE COLDPLAY.

Me: Wouldn’t have figured you for a Coldplay fan. Ego aside, Coldplay do have some lovely songs.

Khorne: DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE BAND? LET’S SAY HUMAN, TWENTIETH-TWENTY FIRST CENTURY, POST SECOND WORLD WAR.

Me: That limits it.

Khorne: KEEPS SCOPE REASONABLE. YEAH?

Slaanesh: Frankie Goes to Hollywood!

Khorne: I WAS ASKING MALAL. BUT, SURE, INTRUDE ON OUR PRIVATE, BROTHERLY... CONSTANTINE VALDOR!

Nuffle: *shrieks*

Hashut: The Police. Bonus: Not a single waxed beard among them.

Me: Yeah. They’re good. Very, very good.

Neosho: I don’t believe in popular music. So, I’m still a fan of Englebert Humperdink. And Robert Goulet.

Me: Both were very popular in their time, and still are with some people.

Neosho: Then I shall have to find something else. William Shatner singing anything, perhaps.

Khorne: MALAL?

Me: Well, I li...

Nurgle: Phil Collins. Specifically “No Jacket Required.” Now there is a solid, rockin’ good time.

Me: Patton Oswalt has a joke about that.

Nurgle: Why? It’s classy stuff. All you need, kid. Just kick back in your easy chair with an ecto-cooler, some hydrox cookies...

Me: We are going to get you the help you need, grandfather.

Khorne: -MALAL?-

Nuffle: Hamilton, Joe, Frank, and Reynolds. Don’t pour your love out on me bab-beee!!!

Me: Constantine Valdor.

Nuffle: *yipes* NOO! KEEP BAD MAN AWAY!!!!

Me: As I was saying, I really have no favorite. Plenty of things I like. Many I dislike. I’ve destroyed cities because of bad music. Port Royale Jamaica? Invented the oompah sound. Had to go.

Tzeentch: I like a good spoken word over jazz mix.

Me: Good lords...

Tzeentch: *jazzy beat begins in the background* Sad man walkin... *snaps fingers* where does he go? He’s going to the ruins, zip zop zeep, of old Prosper-o. *snaps fingers* Pretty little redhead, tiss tiss. Married to Malal, tiss tiss. Boudicca’s a watchin. *snaps fingers* as them teardrops...

Me: *interrupts* STOP.

Gary: I like funk. Actually. Big fan of anything funky. And James Brown. Inspired it, you know.

Me: You know, he...

Khorne: *interrupts* WAIT. WHY DOES TZEENTCH GET A BACKING SECTION?

@particularcustodian @randomnightlord