Null Hypersexual Tips
These tips are based primarily on my own experiences and are not meant to replace the advice of healthcare professionals such as therapists. I do not know you personally, nor do I know what your specific triggers or circumstances are. While opening up about intrusive thoughts, sexual urges, compulsions, or addictive behaviors can be uncomfortable, seeking support is often one of the most helpful steps you can take. Please be patient with yourself and give yourself grace, compassion, and forgiveness. <3
General Tips
Practice Radical Acceptance
One of the most important steps in recovery is accepting the reality that you experience intrusive thoughts, sexual urges, or compulsive behaviors. Radical Acceptance does not mean that you approve of these thoughts or intend to act on them. Rather, it means acknowledging their existence without shame, denial, or resentment towards yourself. Recovery becomes much more difficult when you spend all of your energy fighting reality or pretending that a problem does not exist.
Know Your Triggers
Try to identify and track your triggers whenever possible to prevent any discomfort, anxiety, or panic it creates. Triggers may include certain times of day, (stressful) events, specific memories, sounds, people, communities, apps, words, loneliness, boredom, lack of sleep, or emotional distress. When a triggering thought arises, acknowledge it without assigning moral value to it and allow those feelings to pass naturally. Intrusive thoughts are not commands, and they do not define your character. They are simply thoughts. Learning to observe them without obsessing over what they mean can reduce the power they hold over you.
Avoid Harmful Coping Mechanisms
When an intrusive thought or urge appears, your first instinct may be to panic, shame yourself, or engage in self-destructive coping mechanisms. Unfortunately, these reactions often reinforce the cycle rather than break it. Treating a thought as dangerous or catastrophic signals to your brain that it deserves extra attention, which can make it occur more frequently or feel more intense over time.
Be kind to yourself throughout the recovery process. If your hypersexuality is connected to a sex or pornography addiction, try not to replace one harmful coping mechanism with another. Substituting one addiction or compulsive behavior for a different vice ultimately does not addresses the underlying issue and may increase the likelihood of future relapse or even more destructive behaviours.
Practice Grounding Techniques
While they may not eliminate the urge entirely, especially when you have not used grounding techniques before, they might be able to slow your impulsively down and may better help you overcome your addiction. Some general grounding techniques I have learned are the following:
The 5-4-3-2-1 Method: Find five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. I recommend keeping items—such as a cold water bottle, stuffed animal, blanket, fidget toy, sour candy, perfume, scented candles, etc—nearby.
Box Breathing: Breathe in for four seconds, hold for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, and hold again for four seconds before repeating the cycle. Continue until your heartbeat slows down and you physically feel more relaxed.
Play The Tape Forward: When you feel triggered, pause and reflect on how you will feel ten minutes, one hour, and one day if you acted on it. Reflect on both the short-term satisfaction and the aftermath, whether that includes regret, anxiety, frustration, disappointment, or self-resentment.
The 90-Second Rule: When an urge appears, commit to doing absolutely nothing in response to it for ninety seconds. Sit still, focus on your breathing without acting on it.
Tips for Transitioning Online
Avoid NSFT Communities and Enablers
The people and communities you surround yourself with can significantly influence your recovery. Whenever possible, seek out individuals who genuinely support your well-being and encourage healthier habits rather than those who normalize, romanticize, or enable behaviors that make your struggles worse.
If certain online communities consistently trigger you, consider leaving them entirely. This may include NSFT communities, spaces that frequently discuss triggering content, or groups that encourage compulsive sexual behavior, or even the Radqueer Community. If leaving isn't an option you can realistically commit to, try muting or blocking certain hashtags, words, accounts, or communities.
Use Relapse Trackers Or App/Site Blockers
Try to use apps like I Am Sober to track your recovery journey and keep track of when you do relapse or your triggers. Alternatively, try using website blockers or limiting your ScreenTime or access on certain apps if you tend to relapse from getting bored of scrolling social media easily.
Don't Just Be In Communities About Recovery
While recovery communities can be incredibly helpful, I recommend joining other communities centered around your interests, hobbies, games, art, music, writing, etc. Recovery should be part of your life, not your entire identity; focusing solely on recovery may become unhealthy and may lead to obsessive thoughts or guilt about recovery.
Tips for Transitioning In Person
Physically Change The Environment Around Yourself
Try to make your bed and bedroom spaces only meant for sleep and relaxation. If you usually experience intrusive thoughts or urges while you are in the bedroom, consider physically getting up and moving to another room or at least try to keep your bedroom door open. It can also be helpful to physically move your phone, computer, or devices out of your room during times you are most vulnerable to prevent impulsive behavior. If you aren’t able to physically move your devices out of your room, try to only use your devices when sitting in a chair or on your desk.
Have Others Around You
Try to be around others as much as you can instead of staying socially isolated or feeling lonely! Try your best to record yourself, call someone, ask a trusted person to physically stay in the same room as you or visit a public space where your screen and actions are visible to others when you are experiencing intrusive thoughts. This also works if you have tasks or chores to complete but find yourself distracted by your urges!
Join clubs, sports teams, or other regularly scheduled in-person activities to fill up your schedule if you are sensitive or easily triggered during certain times of day—physical activity is also just a good thing to do in general to keep you mentally and physically healthy.