#nursemorstan

[nursemorstan]

Another lovely picture @pinguinaaron, thank you!

[jhwatsonmd]

That was it. The last box packed. 

It feels like I’ve lived here a lifetime and somehow I have, even though it was just two years. Barely. But we came back to life in this place. We were happy here and it was here that we could pretend like the past hadn’t happened to us. We could love here. 

But I also got ripped apart because of this place, because you chose to die, Sherlock. You chose to leave us behind, to struggle ahead, to deal with the mess you left behind. That’s over now. Aaron and I can move on. 

We’ll miss Mrs Hudson, but we’ll come visit her. We promised (I couldn’t stay away from her baking, not even if I tried). I sent Mycroft a message, telling him he can pick up some stuff that belonged to his brother if he wants to. Just in case Mrs Hudson decides to let the place out again. 

So… I guess this is it. This is goodbye. 

Goodbye, Sherlock and I hope you’ve found your rest, wherever you are. There are people out there, fighting for your name, fighting for your legacy. I’m just left fighting to survive a world bereft of you. 

I love you. I always will. 

[jhwatsonmd]

@nursemorstan, love, you okay? You've been a bit quiet these past couple of days? If it's something I did, just tell me. I know things haven't been... I'm sorry.

[jhwatsonmd]

Do you love her? Can she be a mom for Aaron? Can you leave Sherlock behind you?

I know this has been in my inbox for a long time and I kept staring at it, every single day, for months. And it’s only now, over a year after his death, that I feel confident enough about responding to it. 

The flat is quiet now; Aaron is upstairs, tucked in bed and it’s so late I can’t even hear the sound of Mrs Hudson’s telly anymore. I used to hate the night. They were too quiet, too cold, they reminded too much of what I’d lost. The nights are still not my favourite time of the day, but... I can bear them now.

Because I’m not alone. 

I can look to my left and know that I am not alone. Love her? I’ll always love Sherlock. I loved Sherlock with everything I had left to give and that will never go away, but Mary knows that. But there is some part of me, a little part, that can love Mary and I think it does. And it’s enough for her (she ensured me it is because she loves me in the same way). 

She’s good to Aaron. I know the two of them had their struggles in the beginning, but Aaron has adjusted to her well. I think all he needed was some time to get used to the idea of someone growing closer to me. 

Leave Sherlock behind? No. No, I could never do that. Like I said, I’ll always love him, but he’s gone and we deserve something more than to spend the rest of our lives mourning for a man who won’t come back. 

[jhwatsonmd]

Leaving the clinic, at long last! Mary, next time, remind me to do my paperwork sooner. See you both in a bit, loves.

[jhwatsonmd]

I know I haven’t been on here a lot these past couple of months. After Christmas and with some rather meaningful dates coming up (Sherlock’s 34th  birthday, the anniversary of us meeting). I had to take some time away from a lot of things to get my head back in line. I’ll never be the same again and I know I will never be able to get over losing him but… Aaron needs me.

Sherlock is gone. He gave me the best months of my life, and without him, I wouldn’t have been a father, but he’s gone. I need to move on.

I have moved on. Or at least, I’m working on it.

Mary and I… she has always understood. She knows what it is like to grieve someone, to miss someone so much it makes your chest ache. It feels good to have someone around me who I don’t have to explain everything to. I know a lot of you were concerned, considering Aaron didn’t take to her at first, but they’ve grown closer as well. They surprised me by taking me to a rugby match, the conniving pair, to get my mind off things. It was nice, though. Really nice.

Sherlock died nearly a year ago, the press has lost their interest, Aaron is doing well in school and I… I find myself happy at times. The flat isn’t so quiet anymore. Or the quiet has stopped bothering us. Perhaps it’s Mary. When she’s here, she often bakes with Aaron and Mrs Hudson. We can laugh again.

[jhwatsonmd]

@nursemorstan, I don't know if you have read, but... I'm afraid you can't come round to the flat anymore. I know there is nothing like that between us, but it's too soon for Aaron. It made him feel uncomfortable. We can still talk, have some coffee... just not at Baker Street anymore. I hope you understand.

[nursemorstan]

I love my boy Moran so much. He loves me too, honest!