#nutmeglife

[nutmegthings]

Want it over with

My first exam sarts today at 6pm. I am restless, and terified that I will get there only to find out I do not know anything. I have studied and practiced and memorized for hours and days and weeks and months, and now I am afraid it will have been for nothing. I am afraid that I will break down like I used to during tests, that my eyes will be so filled with tears, throat so closed up, hands tremmbling so violently, that I will be unable to even start, let alone finish this exam. I want it to be done with, I wish I could be numb again so I could not feel this fear. Even if it means I could feel nothing. It would be better than this. I also want the time to never come, because after the exam there is always the waiting. The horrible nerve frying waiting, to know how badly you have failed. My exam begins in two and a half hours, and all I wish is to be numb.

[nutmegthings]

Your sexuality

Since marriage equality was legalised in America this past week, I have been seeing a lot of posts saying things such as 'like if you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual, and then share/reblog if you don't think it matters'. I would like to point out to those of you still following me (and have been sharing these messages) that it would be far more accurate to say that it DOES MATTER. Your sexuality, regardless of what that may be, is completely valid and matters to me a lot! weather you are trans, bi, gay, straight, pan, poly, asexual or anything in between (or that I have not mentioned) you are all equal. Your sexuality matters, you are valid, you are equal, YOU matter. -NutMegThings

[nutmegthings]

Standards and expectations

Being told you look trashy because you don't do your hair and make up every day. Being told you won't be taken seriously because your wearing jeans, a fitting tshirt and skater shoes, and not a dress. Being told that its not that they really have a problem with it, it's just how society is. Being told not to be so sensitive when you speak up about how these standards make you feel insignificant, dehumanised and objectified. Being told that you just have to comply, because now your an adult, and not sixteen anymore, that you must meet this standard. Feeling more alone than you ever have before, when the people you trust most to support you, support this point of view instead. I feel dead inside, I cannot even cry. I am so alone it makes me numb. The worst thing is, I know that tomorrow I will get up, put on the dress that makes me feel suffocated, the makeup that I'm allergic to, the shoes that hurt my feet, and fail to do up my hair. Just to be the soulless doll that everyone wants, that everyone expects. Tomorrow you will see me pretty. Tomorrow you will see me dead inside. A doll, nothing more than an empty shell. Tomorrow you will see me smile.

[nutmegthings]

NutMegThings

life mostly seems to be a series of incidents where more often than not you end up hitting yourself in the face...

This revelation brought to you by someone who just tried to put away a frying pan...

-NutMegThings

[nutmegthings]

The Singer

and oh how she sings

[nutmegthings]

Smile

Its never harder to smile for me. There's faces you have to wear in public, things people expect. Its harder for the smile to mean something, but when they want a smile, well a smile is easy.

[nutmegthings]

my relationship with life

Me: well today is going kind of all right!

Life: just a reminder you have a fairly important quiz to get done and you don't finish work until 9 tonight... also you have now burned your hands and arms... not just with heat either, but with chemicals and ice as well!!! now you can't use your bruised/frozen/burned fingers properly! enjoy your TIMED quiz!! 

Me: oh for fuck sake! seriously?

Life: oh and I almost forgot!! here's some cramps to make your day just THAT MUCH BETTER.

Me: fuck you life, fuck you.

[nutmegthings]

I wonder

I wonder what it would be like if Tiffany Aching from Terry Pratchett's Disc World met Kiki from Studio Ghibli?