You, Me, & Armin Arlert: Keeping a Kind Heart Amid Despair
So, I finished Attack on Titan last night and I want to talk about someone in particular. I’m sure that what I have to say here doesn’t add anything new to the discourse, I know this story has touched countless hearts already. But, the feeling I have left in my chest after last night I feel can only be relieved by purging my thoughts.
No other character, besides Aang from Avatar: The Last Airbender, has been rooted in my soul more deeply than Armin Arlert. There have been countless characters who have tugged at my heartstrings, based on my blog alone I bet you can figure out who a couple of those are. But, I’ve never seen myself in any of those characters. Maybe in certain traits or actions, but never the all-encompassing sphere of who they are and all their little facets.
Sheesh. Even as I’m typing this, tears are blurring the bottom of my vision, and my nose has that uncomfortable, burning tingle. Because all I can think about is this:
“I hate you and I always have. Cause you've never done anything but betray me. The second one we were given. You haven't done a thing with any of it! So get up!”
Ah, crap. I’m seriously not going to be able to keep typing if I can’t get it together… Okay, phew, I think I have it under control now. So, I’m sure a lot of us can picture ourselves in this image. Maybe it was a dream, just a moment you caught your reflection in a mirror, or, in my case, a point in time where you were completely alone.
I feel that it is important to have moments of silence and solitude where you can take inventory of yourself without any outside influence or distraction. These moments, at their best, can be very healing, but other times, you are brought face to face with the ugly beast you chained up in the dark corner of your subconscious. Armin was brought here during the climax of the battle, where he believed his friends on the outside would all perish if he couldn't get back to them in time. With the souls of his comrades, Eren, and the entire population at risk, everything came to a head. What is the point of it all if you can’t, at the very least, die trying?
Get up. Don’t betray me again like you always do. You’re a piece of shit. The good others see in you is nothing but a farce. Worthless. Predictable. Incapable. Why must everything be so damn difficult for you?
These are the tales of my ugly beast. What about you? Does yours say something similar? How often does it sneak out of its cage to wrap its claws around your neck, forcing you to listen to its scripture, only for you to shove it away? How often do you visit it when it fits your agenda, to serve as fuel to your fire of self-hatred?
I’m sorry, that might have been a little much. I just need you to understand, okay? Because here is the other side of the situation. We know Armin Arlert is anything but what he is telling himself at this moment. I don’t think it needs any further explanation. You watched what I did, so you know.
Armin, regardless of his lack of physical talent, defines what it means to be a soldier of humanity. “Dedicate your heart.” A salute with various diluted meanings in the different oppositions of war finds purity in him. I see myself in Armin Arlert, not because of his intelligence, or his worth to the cause, I see myself in his humanity. His heart. His ability to confront the beast. His ability to shoulder the pain and despair of the ones he loves most. His ability to keep a kind heart amid despair.
His ability to love, listen, let go, lose, fall, get up, and do it all over again, all while remaining vulnerable and steadfast. He did it, so how about you and I try and do the same, yeah?