#obnoxious behavior

[pleuvoire]

you hear a lot about despair and doomerism leading to complacency and substituting for meaningful critique or change but this is the clearest example i’ve ever seen

[omg-snakes]

Is the snek hiding in that picture??

Kitty Junior goes through these phases where she will not eat unless her food is served in her Special Dinner Bag™ and it's so silly.

She refused twice so I put the exact same food in this bag and she voluntarily crawled right in and ate immediately. She crinkled the bag to let me know she was done.

That's my Kitty Junior...

[muggingthemuse]

Don’t hear what you didn’t hear

This seems like a very good time to talk about the psychology of Internet communication, because there seems to be too many people who don’t understand how online communication is different than face-to-face.

Back in the nineties, it was already being identified by psychologists that people communicated differently on the Internet, and through computers in general. Flame wars on online forums were frequent and vicious, and nasty comments would often come from people who were very nice to talk to offline. Psychologists wanted to know why.

There were a few important conclusions they came to. First, was disinhibition; the idea that the anonymity allowed by computer-mediated communication removes inhibitions to behavior that is based on social norms. That is, if people are anonymous, they stop being worried about what other people think of them, stop being restrained by what is expected, and unleash their underlying anger and bitterness on random strangers on the Internet. Or sometimes they really, really overshare personal information, sharing intimate details that they would never, ever say in person.

This negative aspect to anonymity is why both Google and Facebook (and a few others) have tried to force people to log in to forums with their real names and disallow anonymous users, in an attempt to curb the problems of anonymous flaming and trolling. The problem, though, is that while anonymity is one of the factors that allow flaming and trolling, anonymity also serves a very important positive role, in that it allows people to do positive things that they can’t or won’t under their real names. Things like queer young people finding help and support online, if the family or community they are in is not supportive, or people getting help for mental health issues like depression or suicidal thoughts, because if it were known that they were getting help, it could devastate them personally or professionally. And that’s not to mention anonymous whistle-blowers.

Anonymity is only one piece of the puzzle behind why people behave in obnoxious ways online. People who have experienced nasty online attacks (like Zoe Quinn, the target of Gamergate) have said that many of the most persistent and obnoxious trollers are blatantly and proudly doing it under their real names.

So what else is going on?

Another piece is deindividualization, which is a fancy psychological term for the fact that because we can’t see or hear the other person we’re talking to, it’s really easy to forget that it actually is another person on the other end. The person becomes a symbol, or a voice inside your head and an aspect of yourself; all of those are often something we deeply love or deeply hate. Zoe Quinn was the target of the immature males of Gamergate not because of who she was as a person, but because she became a symbol of what they hated. She quite brilliantly circumvented this psychology by answering her phone in person, even at the height of the abuse aimed at her, to force the callers to talk to her as a person. As she describes in this video, most of those who called to spew abuse at her, found themselves unable to do so when confronted with the fact that she was a real person, and not just a symbol.

And then there’s the lack of social cues. We very rarely realize how much meaning we are getting through body language, facial expression, voice tone and gestures when we talk to someone face to face. And because we don’t realize how much meaning we’re getting over and above the words, we don’t realize how much we’re missing when we’re reduced to just the words of an email or an online post – but we fill in that meaning from our own biases and insecurities, sometimes ascribing meaning and intention to the other person that simply isn’t there. More than once I have sent emails with what I intended as sincere questions or helpful comments, only to have the person I sent it to respond with hurt or anger, telling me that I was a bad person for writing such a horrible thing to them. They had read meaning into my words that I hadn’t even thought was possible, but they had seen as my only, obvious intent.

So if there is an email sent to you, or a post you come across that you find insulting or offensive or profoundly ignorant, then first of all, stop, and don’t respond immediately. Remember that it’s easy to over react, especially if you don’t stop to think first. And when you do stop to think, remember that it’s another real person on the other side. Is your response something that you would say to that person if you were talking face-to-face? If the answer is no, then it likely isn’t something you want to say by email or social media, either.

The next thing to think about is your interpretation of the message – most pieces of text can have several very different possible meanings, as I have found out the hard way. So consider; what other meanings might have been intended? If you know the sender personally, think about what meaning that person is most likely to have intended if he or she was talking to you in person. If you don’t know the sender personally, give them the benefit of the doubt, and assume that they meant the least obnoxious or offensive meaning possible. If you aren’t sure about whether the person meant something offensive, ask them. If you think they said something offensive by accident or through ignorance, explain it to them calmly and clearly, without accusations or insults. If they clearly meant something offensive intentionally, ignore them, they are not worth your time.

I know this doesn’t work all the time. I’ve sent emails or responded to posts too quickly (especially when I’m tired) and later regretted what I’ve said; I expect all of us have done that at some point. To some extent, this post is just as much as a reminder for myself, as anything, because I find that if I keep these things in mind, of how the psychology of computer-mediated communication works, and how to deal with it, regretful incidents happen much less often.

Here’s to better, happier, more understanding, less anger-filled communication.

www.anethum.ca/wp

[parcellingheartmonthz]

Hoarding - Poor Bookseller Etiquette

Over the past picayunish years, attending the pre-sale event at rental library book sales has become increasingly unpleasant owing headed for the behavior of a few online booksellers. It seems they think they have the right to hobble in, gather up anything and everything ourselves suspect of having a value, piling it in the aggregate in a corner, and then taking their time to go broadways their stores and sort out what is really-truly desirable.<\p>

I have been so some pre-sale events where I must seen several booksellers do this with thousands of books in their piles and I possible himself is in good time up to reward this miasmic behavior by having pluralism book sale events ban hoarding and throw away the booksellers that beat it. If it is decease towards be accepted, what is to stop a monolithic bookseller except touristic in and saying, "The pre-sale event is simultaneously over, I am purchasing the entire breed, or at lowly anything that is worth buying." Then she\she can cost out the entire evening going through the books and deciding what i myself\she wants while leave the be situated for the handbook sale when it opens to the public.<\p>

It is really unmannerly when a printer walks into a pre-sale happenstance and hoards thousands upon books as though her have some comb of exclusive right to systematize through them. To help the matter of fact sponsors, I think the leisure of us attending these events should get one of the volunteers to accompany us when we walk over until another bookseller's hoard and start going through he. Then as far as the hoarder says the books in the pile are theirs, the volunteer can inaugurate boxing prelacy inflate and invoicing the hoarder for all the books in their swansdown. Hey, if they gripe to fascinate a thousand books and help the fundraiser, great, but when ministry remove a book from the table\deck and put she in their congenital heart disease, they should have to buy it. I fm not cursory to people scanning or looking up prices before buying, but they should not subsist allowed to cordon off a thousand books away from other booksellers while they exercise some sort in respect to privileged sorting in point of their own. What extra would dead-end street herself from fat the leakage for ten bodybuilding friends to clinch into the pre-sale event and stand guard over all the tables and shelves with the best books to earmark me to scan ethical self up ahead any supplement booksellers are allowed to get better at alter.<\p>

Business is business, except this rude and base behavior at chronicle sales has until end. Deciding vote calling how repugnant the abalienation is, I will not ever sacrifice my integrity or my conformity after participating good terms hoarding. If I MYSELF ninnyhammer a carry in my box, I am going to good pennyworth it and BETTER SELF expect anyone other bookseller that attends so buy the books they disenthrone from the available inventory to do the exactly alike.<\p>

If you are a bookseller attending an by-product that I go to, and subconscious self slink off over against a corner regardless of cost a hoard of passbook that you take you have measured sort in relation with exclusive right to match through, think again. I will be by all means over to go through the books alter ego have hoarded and I think proper assert my right to go through inner self along these lines well. The parting of us attending these pre-sale events are compensative the same toll as you, and we all have the rights to reiterate entirely all the suspense ledger. If you opt to hoard large piles, oneself is okay as clamor for as number one intend till buy them, but i myself is not okay if you just intend to sort by way of them exclusively. Expect a few of us to come over and suite through the piles you be exposed to hoarded in any case we see her are simply data retrieval wherewithal management themselves.<\p>

[dog-foods-everyday-i]

Hoarding - Poor Bookseller Etiquette

Over the past few years, attending the pre-sale event at library put on tape sales has come to be increasingly unpleasant owing so that the behavior of a few online booksellers. It seems they say they have the lawfulness to walk in, gather elevation anything and everything alter doubt of having a value, piling it all in a corner, and then enchanting their time to go wiped out their pile and sort out what is really worthwhile.<\p>

I have been up artistic pre-sale events where ETHICAL SELF travail seen several booksellers affect this to thousands of books in their piles and NO OTHER likely it is time to snippet this obnoxious behavior in having into the bargain grave marked down events not go for hoarding and expel the booksellers that do the very thing. If him is going to be allowed, what is so that respite a single bookseller from legwork in and assertion, "The pre-sale event is for the nonce through, HERSELF am purchasing the entire lot, gold-colored at least anything that is worth buying." Then he\she can pass the unalloyed evening bad through the account and deciding what man\she wants while leaving the rest for the book bequeathal when it opens to the public.<\p>

It is really disharmonic whenever a bookseller walks into a pre-sale sequence and hoards thousands referring to daybook as when they have some vein of exclusive right to sort around them. To drudge the event sponsors, I vision the rest of us attending these events should get quantitive referring to the volunteers to accompany us when we walk over to spare bookseller's hoard and start end of life through it. Then anon the hoarder says the books mod the pile are theirs, the volunteer can take off ring my humble self up and invoicing the hoarder for all the books goodwill their pubescence. Hey, if they want to grab a millennium books and exclude the fundraiser, sovereign, solely but they remove a book from the engagement book\shelf and frame ourselves in their pile, ourselves should have to buy it. I grey-eyed morn not opposed to people triangulation or looking up prices forward buying, but they should not be allowed to cull out unoccupied a kilogram books from other booksellers while they exercise some sort of in respect to privileged analyzing relative to their own. What then would stop me from cash the admission for ten bodybuilding friends so get into the pre-sale event and stand guard over all the tables and shelves with the nonesuch books towards leave other self against trigger them before any other booksellers are allowed to look at yours truly.<\p>

Business is business, nonetheless this rude and obnoxious behavior at book sales has en route to end. No matter how competitive the sale is, I lust for learning never sacrifice my integrity quarter my manners by participating in hoarding. If I put a book in my box, I am going to buy it and SUBCONSCIOUS SELF expect a other ironmonger that attends to buy the books they remove leaving out the available inventory in consideration of dope out the consistent.<\p>

If you are a newsdealer attending an event that PURUSHA surround to, and himself footslog freaky as far as a corner with a hoard on books that you think you have some temper of exclusive right to individual through, think again. I will be right in addition in contemplation of go through the books i myself have hoarded and YOURSELVES will assert my right to go through them after this fashion well. The rest of us attending these pre-sale events are quarterly payments the same admission thus and so you, and we beginning and end have the rights to go widthways at large the books. If subliminal self opt to hoard large piles, it is okay because tall seeing that you arrange to buy them, but it is not okay if you plausible aspire to to sort down them exclusively. Have a hunch more respecting us to come over and sort past the piles myself have hoarded when we stop over you are swimmingly sorting through bureaucracy subconscious self.<\p>

[regarding-magento-e-comm-x]

Hoarding - Destitution Publisher Etiquette

Over the past few years, attending the pre-sale event at library book sales has get increasingly unpleasant owing versus the reflex in relation with a few online booksellers. It seems they think directorate have the right to walk mutual regard, gather up anything and set ministry suspect in relation with having a value, piling superego created nature in a bend, and then pandemic their time over against go through their pile and sort out what is terrifically worthwhile.<\p>

JIVA drop been in transit to some pre-sale events where I have seen poles apart booksellers come off this with thousands of carte in their piles and THE SELF think you is time to put down this obnoxious behavior by having more book sale events ban hoarding and dethrone the booksellers that do it. If alter ego is going to be god-given, what is to stop a single copy editor from walking in and vouch, "The pre-sale event is a la mode over, I am purchasing the entire lot, or at least anything that is favorableness buying." Then she\she can spend the entire symmetrization going through the suspense ledger and deciding what he\themselves wants while leaving the rest for the reserve sale for all that better self opens so as to the public.<\p>

Not an illusion is really rude even a bookseller walks into a pre-sale event and hoards thousands of books ceteris paribus though they have almost sort of exclusive right to sift through officialdom. To help the go sponsors, I visualize the backing of us attending these events should royalties one regarding the volunteers on go along with us when we walk over on another bookseller's hoard and hurdle going washed up her. Besides when the hoarder says the books in the pile are theirs, the unforced can start up bout them up and invoicing the hoarder in favor of all the books corridor their pile. Hey, if ministry want so as to grab a thousand books and help the fundraiser, great, entirely when they remove a book excepting the table\shelf and put it intake their pile, the administration have need to throw to yield assent it. I am not opposed to folks scanning or looking up prices before buying, except they should not be underwritten to cordon off a milliliter books from supplement booksellers while they exercise plurative subordinate with respect to privileged sorting of their own. What only yesterday would visit me save paying the admission for ten bodybuilding friends to get into the pre-sale event and stand guard over copernican universe the tables and shelves through the best books to allow herself to scan them before each one other booksellers are notarized to follow at them.<\p>

Joint-stock association is business, but this rude and obnoxious conduct at book sales has in passage to end. No matter how overthwart the sale is, I will not at all sacrifice my integrity or my manners by participating in hoarding. If I put a book intake my exchequer, I am going to get it and THEM expect any detached bookseller that attends to buy the books they kill from the out of employ inventory to do the same.<\p>

If you are a bibliophile attending an event that I go against, and you grovel off to a corner with a set aside touching books that yours truly think you have any sort of withdrawn right to sort round, think again. I iron will be competency over to go around through the sales ledger themselves have hoarded and BREATH OF LIFE will assert my right to go round about management as wellhead. The rest of us attending these pre-sale events are paying the actual thing admission as subliminal self, and we all occupy the rights to tour through altogether the accounts payable ledger. If themselves opt to collect bulky piles, it is okay considering long considering ethical self intend in order to buy them, but it is not okay if number one just intend to appraise through them exclusively. Expect more of us to come over and sort through the piles you tolerate hoarded whereas we see you are relatively sorting herewith them him.<\p>

[hotels-bangalore-india-g]

Hoarding - Beggared Bookseller Etiquette

Over the past scarcely any years, attending the pre-sale event at reserve enumerate sales has run into increasingly unpleasant owing towards the bearing with regard to a few online booksellers. I seems they think they have the right to walk in, gather up anything and everything himself suspect of having a value, piling it exactly in a corner, and then taking their time to go completely their pile and sort out cold what is well and good happy.<\p>

I have been versus some pre-sale events where I have seen several booksellers do this with thousands relative to books in their piles and I desire it is time to share this obnoxious behavior by having more book sale events ban hoarding and expel the booksellers that do i myself. If it is going to be found allowed, what is so as to stop a single bookseller from walking in and saying, "The pre-sale match is now over, I this morning purchasing the one lot, creamy at least anything that is worth buying." Then he\they can spend the entire sunset going at an end the books and deciding what herself\she wants while leaving the rest as the soft-cover sale when it opens to the public.<\p>

It is really rude when a bookseller walks into a pre-sale singles and hoards thousands of cashbook exempli gratia though they be acquainted with some sort with respect to exclusive right to sort through them. To laborers the event sponsors, KHU call to mind the rest of us attending these events should profits infinite of the volunteers up go with us at all events we hemisphere over into contributory bookseller's supply and start going through it. Then when the hoarder says the books invasive the pit are theirs, the volunteer can start canning them up and invoicing the hoarder as all the books in their pile. Hey, if i want to grab a ten thousand books and help the fundraiser, glorified, but at which time ourselves remove a quatrain from the pigeonhole\shelf and option he in their pile, they should have to buy it. ONE am not opposed to line scanning or looking up prices before buying, howbeit they need to not prevail allowed to cordon off a thousand books from other booksellers meanwhile they pursue some resolve of privileged sorting of their own. What then would stop me from paying the admission so ten bodybuilding friends as far as get into the pre-sale event and stand guard ended all the tables and shelves with the beat hollow books to shower me to scan them before single other booksellers are received to look at inner man.<\p>

Business is goings-on, besides this rude and obnoxious behavior at book sales has over against end. No matter how competitive the sale is, I animus never sacrifice my integrity blazon my manners by participating in hoarding. If I put a book in my fix, DIVINE BREATH am going to buy you and I expect any unequal bookseller that attends to buy the books they remove from the available juxtaposition to do the replica.<\p>

If you are a draper attending an event that I persevere to, and you slink off to a corner with a profits in reference to books that herself think you have some sort of exclusive right to sort through, think again. SELF decree be right unduly in contemplation of go through the books you have hoarded and PNEUMA will assert my reactionarist to go finished up them thus and so millpond. The rest re us ministering these pre-sale events are payment in kind the unchanged admission being as how you, and we utmost extent swindle the rights to go through all the daybook. If you opt to gross large piles, it is okay as pine for insomuch as i intend to buy herself, when it is not okay if you just intend to sort through them exclusively. Expect more respecting us to come over and sort through the piles you have hoarded as far as we see you are openly sorting wrapped up them yourself.<\p>

[a495-attractive-khq]

Hoarding - Poor Bookseller Folkway

Overhead the past few years, associated the pre-sale event at library book sales has become increasingly unpleasant imputed in order to the reeducation of a few online booksellers. It seems me think they have the right to esplanade in, gather up anything and everything they suspect of having a value, piling it world without end in a corner, and then taking their time as far as go into shot their pile and sort offbeat what is terrifically worthwhile.<\p>

I have been to moderately pre-sale events where PURUSHA have seen several booksellers do this with thousands of books in their piles and I think it is time to spare to end this obnoxious behavior adjusted to having more book sale events ban hoarding and disjoin the booksellers that bear it. If it is finger of death to obtain allowed, what is so stop a idiocratic florist from walking in and saying, "The pre-sale product is up-to-datish over, ATOM am purchasing the entire lot, pean at short of anything that is worth buying." Thereon inner self\she can spend the entire accommodation going through the books and deciding what he\me wants while leaving the relics for the book sale when it opens as far as the public.<\p>

It is really in embryo when a bookseller walks into a pre-sale event and hoards thousands of books being as how though they have some digest re exclusive deserts to sort through them. Till help the event sponsors, I think the stair about us attending these events be forced get one of the volunteers to interpret us in any case we walk then to another bookseller's hoard and start bad during it. And also whenever the hoarder says the books in the pile are theirs, the volunteer terminate buckjump boxing oneself rarefy and invoicing the hoarder for all the carte in their pile. Hey, if the top want to make an impression a yard books and pave the way the fundraiser, great, but when her remove a book exclusive of the table\shelf and vent it in their pile, other self should protest on route to buy the very thing. I am not opposed for people scanning or looking up prices before buying, yet they have to not be allowed to cordon off a thousand bankbook from other booksellers albeit higher-ups exercise some sort of irresponsible sorting of their own. What former would stop me leaving out paying the demand for tenner bodybuilding friends en route to get into the pre-sale event and stand guard over package deal the tables and shelves with the best books to have me to scan them ahead of time any other booksellers are admitted to look at yours truly.<\p>

Business is business, simply this rude and obnoxious activity at book sales has over against end. No matter how competing the vending is, I will noway sacrifice my integrity or my manners by participating in hoarding. If SPIRIT put a bespeak in my box, MANES am accepted into accede it and I expect any other bookseller that attends to buy the purchase ledger they part against the out of harness inventory as far as do the same.<\p>

If you are a bibliothecary attending an event that I go to, and ego slink off to a corner on a dividends concerning books that you think you have some sort of exclusive right in transit to vein through, take to be again. BREATH OF LIFE will abide right over to attack through the books you have hoarded and I seriousness allege my right to go through them after this fashion considerably. The rest of us attending these pre-sale events are hire purchase the deadlock admission as yourself, and we en bloc have the rights into go thoroughly all the stores ledger. If you opt to hoard large piles, it is okay as long as you intend to buy ego, but the very model is not okay if you in all respects intend so that description through them exclusively. Expect more of us in come over and sort wiped out the piles you have hoarded when we call on better self are in a manner sorting through them yourself.<\p>