#ocac thoughts

[ramenattack]

holy shit i cannot believe that i am leaving (technically) tomorrow

like i don't know how to describe this feeling it's like sometimes i'm like "weird haha i'm leaving so soon" but right now i'm like having a breakdown and HOLY SHIT I AM LEAVING TOMORROW

like not really a breakdown but a panic attack or something like HOW????? i just cannot believe it and i'm freaking out so much like i'm still packing and i'm like holy shit camp is starting in 3 days WHAT THE FUCK

before i was like counting down the days (literally lol i started packing 2 weeks ahead of time... talk about obsessed) but now i'm kind of in disbelief. like am i even supposed to be going omfg it doesn't seem real

my friend i'm going on the airplane with is like super excited and then i'm like "what. OH YEAH going to taiwan! yeah forgot about that" and it keeps hitting me like 5 times this week i had a mini panic attack and yeah it's crazy shit ok

just holy shit okay and yeah that's the end of my weird........ rambling lol. i wrote this while having a panic attack but i feel it subsiding. hopefully i'll calm down and this'll be the last one lol

[ramenattack]

so like last time i went to ocac, brenna was like "omg i hate my room mates, they brought nail polish and it smells bad and they're vain as hell omg"

and i was like "wow that's so stupid omg of all things to bring they would bring nail polish ??"

and guess what i want to do now

[ramenattack]

it JUST hit me that i'm meeting a COMPLETELY different group of people this year

when i think of ocac, i always think of 2010

so like, the same set of people, the same activities, the same DORM ROOM, the same DORM MATES, everything

and now i'm trying to get in contact with people who also live in seattle and it JUST kinda hit me that I DON'T KNOW ANYONE

like i don't even know how to act around these people... THEY'RE ALSO from ocac (or will be) so i would act like i did in 2010, BUT IT'S NOT 2010 and i know absolutely NOTHING about their personalities

i feel so small LOL i was not prepared for this. i was 2 years ago, but i've fallen into the habit/mentality that everything will be the same, but it's going to be so vastly different. holy fucking shit.

i hope people email me, seriously because i want friends god damn it

[ramenattack]

when i go to ocac

i'm gonna go up to my class

and be like

"WASSUP DELI BOYYYYYYYY?"

and if someone responds...

new best friend