The restaurant that didn't exist... ever.
So I had a weirdass day yesterday... and I know this isn't generally, so what is this person up to, but meh. I thought it might be entertaining. I'm debating if it would make good fodder for stories.
So, I've been trying to learn different African cuisines, by region, tribe, etc.
I thought I might try to learn the proper flavors, and ran into someone who was Nigerian through the internet, and happened to see a Nigerian restaurant.
The first one was good, etc.
So, he recommended I try Fufu with Egusi.
I found this reestaurant on Yelp and then on the internet, and then also on large commercial menu website.
So I tried large commercial website, but it returned a PHP login error when I tried to login. (They still haven't fixed it, BTW, though I attempted to report the error).
I looked up the address of the place and it was reportedly close. Fine. Whatever. I'll physically go to that place.
The thing is I'd never seen a sign for it before, but I thought maybe it was new or something. I went around the building about 5 times, looked for the address and could not see it. I thought maybe the place had closed, but the place it should be was not a restaurant, and usually restaurants take over for the place of restaruants because that sh*t is expensive.
Looked it up on a website, and found there was this other location. Fine. I'll go to that location. Also not that far. I went to that location but it's literally another apartment building, not a physical restaurant.
What? And it's these posh white ass apartment--i.e. where richer white people live. I checked the address a few times before being really confused. I brliefly thought it could be one of those "portal" restaurants from Japanese anime. (It was hot so my brain was wandering).
So, OK, this restaurant NEVER existed in the first place since neither lead to physical locations which is against the law, BTW, despite the pictures of signs and fake reviews that amount to 50. (Which is WTF).
I felt catfished. I told the Nigerian guy and he was like tax evasion.
So I went online and tried the restaurant I tried before, but the egusi was underspiced from what I thought it should taste like. What the hell? (I kinda have a weird ability to see list of ingredients and imagine the approximate taste. Sue me. It's part of my HSP thing. And I also have mild synethesia.)
But the fufu was nothing like describe online. And I checked with the nigerian guy and he said, not supposed to be like that, these people must not be Nigerian. WTH.
It was filled with black pepper and garlic??? And I was like, is this supposed to be fufu, and the guy online said, no, that's not fufu. I was like, this is like mashed potatoes, and he's like certainly not.
Fufu is supposed to look big doughy and fluffy. It's supposed to be chewy and make your mouth feel full.
The good stuff from the restaurant was more like fusion, but yeah... that's not authentic Nigerian.
The only good authentic place in town has odd hours and apparantly only opens when they want to, so you have to plan and coordinate ahead of time, but the hilarious thing about this restaurant compared to the last two, is that you can call ahead, and say that you're coming and they can say they are open and then you go and they aren't open which makes people pissed off because they can not be open for HOURS compared to their regular hours.
This isn't a reflection on Nigerians, BTW, because some of these people probably aren't Nigerian in the first place, but this is what I have to work with and really, I don't mind a little inconvenience if I can experience authentic food. It's a piece of hell though to find anything besides Ethiopian food. Makes me want to go to Africa and Nigeria and find what it's supposed to really taste like.
(Yeah, hyperfocus is odd like that).
