I remember raising my son. I remember watching him grow from a baby, to a young boy, to a man to be proud of. I remember telling him that one day, his father would come home. I remember him sitting at my feet while I wove, talking to me like we were the closest of friends. I remember caring for him when he caught a chill or ate bad food. I remember him learning how to weild a sword (and just how much Anxiety that gave me, lol). I remember him turning from a longing teen boy to a young adult who was brave, kind, respectful, and loving.
And after Odysseus returned home, I remember him coming to me. Expressing his concerns. I remember talking to him about it- assuring him that his father did not scare me- that he wouldn't hurt me, like the suitors would. I remember him slowly warming up to his father. I remember the first time I caught them having friendly conversation/bonding time alone. I remember how much joy there was in my heart at that moment.
Gah, this is so sappy but I miss my family and I'm feeling very sentimental
kincall post time as i don't know if any kincall blogs are ok with mentioning others so. here we are.
hi i'm telemachus from epic the musical/the odyssey. i've found my odysseus and we are both searching for our penelope! my discord is egret_orchids_ and odysseus' is sadkachow. feel free to interact with this post if you want to talk. if you have a discord please let me know!
I wrote WYFILWMA from my own perspective, it might be a tad repetitive and advice would be appreciated, but here's my little short 'story' of sorts :)
And there he was.
There is nothing in the room, nothing in the palace, nothing in the world other than him and I in this moment. It must've only been a minute since he'd left for war. Maybe he was coming back to grab his bow.
In that instant, twenty years of pain- two decades of sorrow and longing- faded quicker than I could blink.
"Is it you?"
He looked up. Those eyes. Gods, those love-filled eyes. They hadn't aged a day.
"Have my prayers been answered? Is it really you standing there?"
It couldn't be. My mind- my heart- my very essence- had paused in true and utter disbeleif.
"Or am I dreaming once more?"
That must be it. I had dreamt of our reunion for nearly twenty years. I must be within one of those bittersweet reveries.
But no. Something was different.
"You look different- your eyes look tired. Your frame is lighter, your smile torn,"
His face softens, holding a gentleness only a man who knew true cruelty could express.
This was no dream.
"Is it really you, my love?"
He sighed. Such a simple, gentle sound- but that soft sigh, that small exhale, my entire being had yearned for small little things like that for longer than I bothered to remember.
"I am not the man you fell in love with,"
But he was- the same honey-like eyes. The same soft black hair I used to run my fingers through. His hair was longer now- tousled and salt-blown from years on the sea.
"I am not the man you once adored,"
Once adored? What was he talking about? There was not a minute of my day, waking or resting, where I had not yearned for this man. There was no 'once adored'.
"I am not your kind and gentle husband,"
And yet, yet, his voice was ever so soft. He turned. He avoided my gaze. This man, my husband, avoiding my gaze. I'd never seen such an action from him, in all my time.
"And I am not the love you knew before,"
This bastard. I wait for him, wait for his arrival, I hold out on sheer hope and faith that he will return to me one day- and when he does, he dares tell me that he is no longer my love? It was all I could do to keep from scoffing aloud.
"Would you fall in love with me again?"
And there it was. He believes- he thinks, in that ever-so-quick mind of his- that I had ever even considered moving on from him. My eyes narrowed momentarily, but I remained silent.
"If you knew all I've done?"
My head tilted. What did he mean? What, upon this gods-forsaken earth, could possibly sway my devotion for this man?
"The things I cannot change- would you love me all the same?
I know that you've been waiting- waiting for love,"
I sighed. Maybe he truly had done something I might find reprehensible. No matter how much doubt weighed in my stomach, the question made its way out of my lips.
"What kinds of things did you do?"
He looked back up at me. His eyes, his soft eyes, held so much sorrow. Shame was eating at him from the inside out.
"Left a trail of red on every island-
Traded friends like objects I could use,"
Ah. So that was the fate of his fleet. For a moment, I considered how Ctimene might react- but, my sister-in-law was my lowest concern in this moment.
"Hurt more lives than I can count on my hands- and all of that was to bring me back to you,"
I knew it. Nothing he had done could waver my adoration, my steadfast affections- he was dumb to think so.
"So tell me, would you fall in love with me again? If you knew all I've done-"
I knew what he'd done. Or some shortened version of it- and nothing in my heart had changed. Staring into the face of love himself, I could never care this way for another.
"The things I can't undo- I am not the man you knew- I know that you've been waiting, waiting-"
He knew nothing of my wait, if he truly believed I could possibly deny him, or his loving embrace. It had been near impossible not to wrap my arms around him the moment he entered the room. But-
Patience was a virtue I had much of.
"If that's true- could you do me a favor, just a moment of labor-"
If he held such an idiotic belief, such as that I might no longer wish to love him- I would ask him a question of equal stupidity.
"That would bring me some peace.
See that wedding bed? Could you carry it over- lift it high on your shoulders- and take it far away from here!"
I watched the change in his face. The hurt. The anger. The complete shock. Good. He knew some of how I had felt when he questioned my vow of lifelong devotion.
"How could you say this? I had built that wedding bed with my blood and sweat,"
I know. I know that. And I had waited twenty years with unfaltering hope for his return- I knew what that blood and sweat devotion felt like.
"Carved it into the olive tree where we first met! A symbol of our love, everlasting-"
He was so close to the point- but he managed to miss it each time. God, this man. Prodigy of Athena, huh?
I guess it never stopped me from loving him, did it?
"Do you realize WHAT YOU HAVE ASKED ME?"
I didn't react to his tone. He was upset- a man torn by war and sea, a man who had fought tooth and nail to return home to me and our son. And yet, he beleived I'd dare deny him the love that I, too, craved so deeply.
"The only way to move it is to cut it FROM ITS ROOTS!"
Finally, at long last, he had reached my point.
"Only my husband knew that, SO I GUESS THAT MAKES HIM YOU!"
He appeared taken aback- his anger rapidly dissipated, replaced by that characteristic softness I was so fond of.
"....Penelope...."
Gods, how I had longed to hear my name from him, just once more. The nights I'd spent crying to Aphrodite to return my love to me, just so I can hear him speak, just so I can hear his voice, just one more time- all of that was granted, every sleepless prayer, every offering I'd burnt in desperation- my decades-long sorrow ended in this moment.
"I will fall in love with you, over and over again- I don't care how, where, when- no matter how long it's been, you're MINE,"
He stepped closer. I could see the little nick-scars on his face- marks that I was certain hadn't been present twenty years prior. Marks that made him look so ethereal, so unreal, so divine.
"Don't tell me you're not the same person- you're always my husband, and I've been waiting-"
And oh, how long I had waited. How many days had I stared at the beaches of my island, hoping I might see the speck of a ship on the horizon, or walking my palace halls just hoping to hear his joy-filled laughter lighting up the halls again.
"Waiting-"
Tears pool in his eyes. I knew they were flowing from mine just as freely. I didn't bother to wipe them away.
"Penelope-"
This day, this holy day, every single crevasse and crack that had dug its way into my heart over the past two decades sealed itself closed, healed with the very words leaving the man's lips.
"Waiting, waiting-"
He had said something. I couldn't hear him over my own wails of what felt like all-consuming, disbelieving joy.
"Waiting, waiting, waiting-
Oh, for you,"
His arms wrapped around me. Those arms, so strong and worn. He hid his tears in my shoulder as I wept openly, holding him as close to me as I could manage, as if I feared he might be whisked away with a moment's notice.
"How long has it been?"
I finally managed to croak the question to him. It felt like no time in the world had passed. Maybe we were still young and in love, maybe I'd just awoken from a nightmare and he was comforting me so softly.
"Twenty years,"
It didn't matter. Not a moment of my life had been spent without his presence. I would never, never leave this man. Not in my life, nor in my death. I would hold him in his sickest days, tolerate him at his most temperamental, hold him as he sobbed- just as I had all those years ago. Nothing- not one ounce of my love- had seeped away.
"I love you,"
Odysseus, Reigning King of Ithaca, Father of the brave prince Telemachus, General of the Trojan war, protégé of the wise and bold goddess Athena, Slayer of the Kalydonian Boar- he was all of those things, yes- but at this moment, he was my husband.
Though it's unlikely we'll ever meet again in this life, I just want to say that it's nice to be able to sing with you again. To at least hear your voice again in person is all I could ever ask for.
Telemachus, my son,
I am grateful of you protecting your mother, though you and I know very well she would be able protect herself. I wish you didn't have to be this strong, to grow up like this, though I am very proud of you for doing so. I am so proud to call you my son.
I love you both more than words could ever say. Take care of yourselves for me?
- The sentimental old fool, Odysseus of Ithaca (EPIC: The Musical) #
It’s funny. Usually, I’m fine listening to the whole musical, but once I’m in this kinshift, I get some minor discomfort listening to a few songs, or just parts of the songs.
