#of the personal sort

[sirenmouths]

had my third/final interview for this company today which is sending me into flashbacks of challenge detroit where i didn’t get selected after months of buildup 🙃

[sirenmouths]

Having a good personal year while everything’s going to hell in the rest of the world is a really weird and unwanted juxtaposition 

I just want to get my writing off the ground, have an actual job, and not feel like my communities are going to be traumatized every two seconds 🙃

[sirenmouths]

There’s nothing more satisfying right now than being able to put “2016 VONA Fellow” next to my signature. NOTHING. Getting money today to pay for said workshop was really nice though.

If you’re a writer or editor who cares about stopping transphobia in the lit community, please sign this too. 

[sirenmouths]

I just pre-ordered the new Misty Copeland Barbie for my mom as a Mother's Day present (gonna be late, but still what she wants). I need y'all to understand that my mom collected Barbies, even when her daughters despised them. Complete dedication. After Katrina, every single one got looted. And since then, my mom hasn't had the heart to try again. Until Misty came thru. While I couldn’t be the ballerina that she wanted me to be, Misty killed it and shattered stereotypes, and that means so much to her. So, @ everyone trying to tell me that representation for black women isn't that big a deal, I need you to literally SHUT. UP. You have no idea what you’re talking about.

[sirenmouths]

Looks like my favorite ex-fling is coming through for the workshop I’m advising and I’m surprisingly stoked... Miss him + his writing, but not attached anymore.

[sirenmouths]

Imposter syndrome is the worst. I’ve been meeting a bunch of amazing artists at my friends’ gigs because Christian and Dominic are talented, semi-famous musicians. And each time, I get the inevitable questioning of what I do. It always makes me so nervous to be like “uh, I write sometimes...” in a room full of talented artists who book gigs all the time/are on their game more, but I’m trying to not weasel myself out of possible collaborations/opportunities for growth. So, I’m learning to lead with, “I’m a poet.” I’m trying to go into these situations with just gratitude, openness, and a willingness to learn. But I’m not awful. Since finishing my ~writing, lit, publishing~ degree last year, I:

Got accepted to VONA, a multi-genre workshop for writers of color.

Met PJ Morton, one of the keyboardists for Maroon 5, who asked me to come thru for his open mic next month.

Met Christian Scott + some of his bandmates, got to chill in the back room with them on Saturday, and may collab in the future.

Got accepted as advisor for Winter Tangerine Review’s online workshop.

These are all unexpected blessings, but I’m rolling with it. I know I need to keep looking for a set job and keep myself on the road to finishing this Snow White remix chapbook. But I’m trying and things are coming together a little more.

I also have been working Jazz Fest this weekend, which is why I was M.I.A. for the past couple of days. If I missed something for you, let me know?

[sirenmouths]

*~form poetry is the worst~*

[sirenmouths]

Masculinity - even when done to an extreme - sometimes isn’t toxic. Sometimes it’s just a response to a world that devalues your body and experiences. When I was younger, my dad ran a boxing gym with some of his friends. Even by just catching snippets of the boxers’ conversations, I could tell that the gym space was one of the few places they work through their emotions and escape from their lives without judgment. And no matter what weight class, they never failed to be appropriately nice to me. They always offered to teach/correct my stances and technique, and soon “gimme a punch, princess” became an inside joke between us. Even though I was a preteen twig and they loomed over me, they never treated me as if I was unimportant just because I was more feminine or smaller. They told me to “recognize my strength,” even if it didn’t manifest physically. And now when I’m finding it hard to trust myself and my feelings, I take a deep breath and hope I can take their advice.