#off to hell we go

[chessalein]

First day back to work after vacation. It feels as if I go back to hell.

As if the time before the vacation was a internship you just try to pull through and vacation was the time when it's over.

But now I have to go back. This night was the longest I ever had. Waking up so often, getting stressed out that my alarm goes off every second and that I have to go there.

I really need something new. I don't want this to be my life.

Sadly my mental state and my problems don't seem to fit any job that is out there. I'm gonna go and try to apply for a librarian, maybe that's something for me.

No deadlines, no 600 costumers a day, half time... Maybe that's my thing. And on the side I try my own thing. Commissions and stuff.

I'm just really afraid that the money won't be enough...

I really wish I had a more normal brain so I could do more regular jobs and just be okay with it. I don't need to love my job. I just don't want a panic attack when I think about it. Or almost cry when I have to go to bed or when the alarm goes off.

I'm sorry for this rant/vent I'm just really nervous and scared right now because I have to get ready and my body just says "no" in all the ways there is. There will be so much stress again, so much fear. And I will have to take actions soon but doesn't matter what I do it's wrong and that stresses me out even more.

I could just quit but then I'm without money, they will ask me soon to take on more work and I don't wanna be there. I would have to say that I don't want this work and then I have to quit. I won't find a new job in a month. My bf will be mad at me because I told them and had to quit. But I don't want to lie to them because they have been really nice to me even with my problems.

I sit here and wonder if this is what my life is all about. Somehow trying to survive at a job and not to get a meltdown because it's too much for me.

I have the feeling I don't have a place in this world and it bothers me. I wanna be part of it, but it feels like every job is one that would crush my psyche.

I wish Video rent stores were still around, the sound good as a job. I could draw my commissions and stuff while no costumer is there.

I have to go now. Throwing down some calming-down Medizin and off we go.

Sorry for the rant again. I'm really just a wreck right now.

[blood-powered-radio]

https://youtu.be/ol7_gkLDGWI

Saar Hendelman and Terrance Zdunich - Off to Hell We Go

off The Devil’s Carnival Soundtrack, 2012

[shyce-overgod]

FA LA LA! IT'S OFF TO HELL WE GO!

I can't take this song out of my head. It's been days...

[grimaceandgrin-blog]

((Off to work, so sorry if my replies are a bit short/selective for the next 8 hours... if I get to them at all RIP))

[dianaromangreek]

Off To Hell We Go - The Devil's Carnival

[littlesilentlamb]

My Headcannon Song for Outlast

So I recently got into Outlast. As I was going through the levels all I thought was how I just willingly walked into a hellish, sadistic, cruel, twisted, messed up nightmare. I didn't even finish it, it was so unnerving. Then my friend wanted to play it just to see how it was. I responded with, "then off to hell we go".

Now every time I think about or want to try and finish Outlast all I hear is Off to Hell We Go from The Devil's Carnival. 

[2kawaii4u-bishes]

*arrives at school* Me: can I go home now?

[hecateandhoney]

alexm13love said: I know you’re busy writing, but if you find any hook me up with that shit! cus of reasons…

Haha well I hope to finish my big bang story this weekend, but I am on break so... if someone were to help me out with a rough timeline of when Lana and JMo were where while in NYC (because I love accuracy) I just might have to make time to write something anyways. 

But if I find any I will absolutely hook you up with that shit, too!