@ofstarchild Cont. from another source! + x
For the second time, Saeran found himself unable to suppress his own laughter as Yoosung froze like a deer in the headlights. “Sorry..” he said, clearing his throat to stifle another laugh. “It’s just that you're the one who brought it up, so I just wasn't expecting you to be so surprised.” Well, he supposed if nothing else, he got a good laugh out of giving Yoosung a heart attack.
The slight grin from his laugh instantly melted at Yoosung’s next comment. Scary seemed like an understatement at this point. After a long moment of hesitation, Saeran’s gaze dropped to his boots once more. “Yeah,” he agreed softly. “It’s a lot safer than it ever has been- for me, at least, but I just can’t relax without it.”
What he didn’t say was that even though he knew logically he was safe, he never really felt safe. That’s why it was so important he had it on him at all times. Expressing vulnerability was still something he struggled with no matter how many psych appointments he went to.
With his gaze still on the ground, he nodded in response. “Ah,” he replied. ‘Of course,’ he thought, chiding himself for making this about him. Of course Rika was the one he’d heard terrible things about. “Yeah, that must have been a big shock to you.” A wave of guilt crashed over Saeran. All this time, Saeran had known about Rika and her cult, and yet, he never bothered to tell anyone.
Of course, he had been instructed not to tell anyone and brainwashed into unnecessarily hating the RFA, but it was still hard not to feel at fault when the person who was most affected by it was standing here in front of him with such raw emotions.
Saeran allowed the silence between the two to linger a few moments before pursing his lips. “She wasn’t all bad, you know,” he said finally. “I mean.. She was just really damaged, but I think the love she had for you was genuine, if that makes any difference to you.” He shrugged his shoulders awkwardly, avoiding eye contact.
“Maybe it doesn’t make it any better, but there were a lot of times she told me she wished she could have left you out of it, and obviously she could have left you out of it and didn’t, so I’m not defending her, but I just mean I think she did care about you and love you in her own, uh.. way…” With a sigh, he mumbled, “Whatever that was.”
He rubbed his hands together momentarily, unsure of how to move forward after such a heavy topic. “Um, but anyway, yeah, why don’t you show me where you keep your paperwork, and I can help with that.. Af-after we get Kyo situated, obviously.”
Saeran quickly held out his arms to take the sedated cat from Yoosung’s arms and cradled Kyo in his own. Whether or not Yoosung was simply allowing him to carry Kyo to feel important, or whether it was actually in his best interest, Saeran couldn’t help but appreciate it regardless.
He followed Yoosung quite closely, especially considering he definitely did not look like someone who belonged here. Although his cult tattoo was covered, as he tried to do as often as possible, his outfit just screamed ‘OUTCAST!’ The last thing he needed was Doctor Saebyuk throwing him out of here for dressing too emo or something.
But he didn’t really have much time to process his own thoughts before Yoosung threw out his own truth bomb.“Y-you do?” he asked, eyebrows jolting up in surprise. He nearly tripped just on the air at Yoosung’s words. How could someone who had been so clearly shaken by the news of him carrying a gun carry a weapon…?
“Like, right now?” He asked, craning his neck to inspect Yoosung’s clothes. He scanned his clinical jacket pockets, his pants, and his back pocket for any signs of a weapon, before realizing how awkward and weird it was that he was technically (and accidentally) looking at Yoosung’s butt right now.
Instantly, he averted his eyes. Hopefully, Yoosung was too focused on his work to notice. “I guess you do a pretty good job of hiding it; You don’t really look like you’re packing.”
