#oh muttums

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My mother, re: the Heated Rivalry shower scene: You could bounce a bowling ball off that Russian kid's ass!

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The audacity of my mother to look at my handheld vacuum cleaner and say, "Do you even have the charger anymore? I figured you lost it," when she has forgotten to turn off the stove and oven 4 out of the last 5 times she's cooked, snapped at me for eating a snack she said was for everyone that she forgot to eat, and has not let me finish a sentence without interrupting me and/or correcting me incorrectly in months is absurd.

Edited to add I just realized she's trying to compete with me for my husband's attention just like she used to try to compete with me for my friend's attention in high school. This is fucking ridiculous. She switches attitudes toward me the second someone else is in the room and begins to belittle me, mock me, and encourage the other person to engage in it so she can get the attention.

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Okay so if someone you lived with has been sick, working 9-10 hour days, and has gotten both the flu and COVID vaccines, and today had their first day of winter break, and they've stated, "I think I need to do nothing for today and nap until I feel okay", do you think it's reasonable to, in this order:

Yell at the dog

Do some weird banging cleaning routine in the bathroom outside the tired person's door

Watch TV downstairs at full volume

Tell the dog, at the top of your lungs, "I can't wait any longer. You'll have to wait down here because Sara won't wake up."

Slam the door to the house as you leave.

Note: not once did this person text or ask me, "Hey can you keep an eye on my dog for a little bit?" Nor did they leave a note, or tell me their day plans, or ask for any help.

Tl;Dr I live with a child and that child is my mother who I've been parenting since I was 14.

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Me: Hey, we should probably fast forward because we're about half an hour behind, and they've already reported 4.5 million votes.

Mother: Um, no they didn't. It's too early.

Me: They've called Kentucky, Indiana, and Vermont.

Mom: No they haven't! *gets to live results* Oh.

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I just survived my husband and my mother making jokes that involved vibrators and lube please clap and also maybe pay for a therapist

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My mom: Does Jack Perry's dad come to his matches?

Me: ...no. He died.

Mom, starting to interrupt before I finished my sentence: Well that's ridiculous! Why doesn't he come?!

Me: He died, Mom, he's dead!

Mom: NO HE'S NOT!

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My mom, when Christian is being a heel: He's old and stupid and he's running away! He's a coward!

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My mom, as I show her the Jack vs. Christian match from Revolution 2023: Oh, Jungle Boy! I remember him, but when I saw him he was the youngest guy in a threeway.

J:...trio. You mean trio