In which it is Seventh Month, and chat considers the effects of inflation in hell and sexting via joss paper
Arrgh: I sometimes wonder if hell has inflation.
Of-sevenseas: ?
Arrgh: considering the amount of money some of these people try to burn to their ancestors
Lazulisong: It does actually. The denominations have risen on the bills I read. I was reading up on Hell money the other day in case I wanted to make a joke about bribing Shen Wei
Moderndaypandora: it must be somebody other than ZYL making the joke, he'd just bribe him with his body
Lazulisong: Well ZYL does bribe messengers and workers. And Shen Wei can apparently interact with burnt offerings
Kitsunec4: And like 888 folded lotus flowers. And paper houses. And paper cars.
Arrgh: Paper iPhones too, which strikes me as completely hilarious.
WAIT ZYL ABSOLUTELY BURNS SW AN IPHONE
Moderndaypandora: with a drawn on text from Ah Lan 😘😘?
Arrgh: YES
Moderndaypandora: the new way to send nudes
Moggiesandtea: ....yeah, he'd do that. Also probably a really fancy paper house with a fancy paper bed. He is subtle
Moderndaypandora: i'd just want to be a fly on the wall watching Shen Wei receive it
Arrgh: nonono no house. After all, SW should stay nowhere else other than with HIM
Moderndaypandora: lol
Shen Wei: you should burn me a house, if you want to do such foolish things
ZYL: that is the LAST thing i should burn
ZYL would burn paper sex toys instead. Like "WE COULD BE USING THESE".
This could be us but you playin'
Arrgh: ok, does he like print them off, or does he try to draw them (I don't want to know if paper sex toys can be bought)
Kitsunec4: Probably
Moderndaypandora: ok but imagine Da Qing getting dragged along on the quest to find out
ZYL: we need to go buy paper offerings
Da Qing: i can feel something terrible coming
Arrgh: Da Qing knows his terrible human very well
Moderndaypandora: Da Qing probably tried to make a break for it but got dragged into a cat carrier
Lazulisong: I'm sure he could draw a dildo easily tho. Or like, write it in cinnabar on joss paper. BY THE WAY IM STILL YELLING ABOUT THAT IDIOT SLEEPING WITH A FUCKING JAR OF UHHHHH MERCURY ON HIS BED
Also still crying over Shen Wei being like omg!!! I get to write a letter!!! To ☆♡☆HIM☆♡☆~~~~ and Zhao being like why the fuck does heipao-ge write these long ass grandma letters
Arrgh: Speaking of, we know ZYL doesn't send letters, but you KNOW after the identity reveal and they finally get their shit together ZYL makes good use of that can of cinnabar to send SW all kinds of random shit
Lazulisong: Sexting via joss paper
Kitsunec4: A phrase I never realized could happen to be said
Arrgh: Lol I'm honestly surprised we haven't had this conversation before XD
Moderndaypandora: ZYL, the first time the thought occurs: oh my god i could have been doing this so much sooner
Of-sevenseas: Shen Wei, the first time this happens: ... of course he found a way to sext via joss paper
Moderndaypandora: Shen Wei: why am i even surprised?
Of-sevenseas: if he's sexting on joss paper, then it would be his handwriting. so actually Shen Wei is psyched to finally start his collection of handwritten notes from his beloved
Moderndaypandora: Shen Wei would meticulously save it
Of-sevenseas: even if they are the spiritual equivalent of dirty limericks
Moderndaypandora: "i thought about your sleeve garters while touching myself" "you should pull my hair next time i serve you" "wanna keep the glasses on?"
Lazulisong: "daddy babys been bad"
Moderndaypandora: "baby wants it harder tonight"
and Shen Wei would take all these and preserve them with like, pressed flowers in a beautifully carved box
Ohbthr: What a perv 😂
Luna: It’d be more romantic if ZYL’s handwriting wasnt chicken scratch and SW had to squint to decipher it
Moderndaypandora: lol, Shen Wei sending back notes like "if i can't read it, we can't do it" to try and encourage neater handwriting
Arrgh: +squint. Squiiiiiint. BLUSHES BRIGHT RED+
Moderndaypandora: ZYL leaves a voicemail on the burned phone: then i'll just tell you what i want
Shen Wei: clearly something new and different
Of-sevenseas: poor Da Qing or whoever is doing the budget that month. 'discretionary expense claims' suddenly become a lot more common
Lazulisong: I have this theory that Shen Wei is a big love letter thief and that's why hes mad Zhao Yunlan only texts
Of-sevenseas: question: does Shen Wei have seventy billion failed drafts of school reports and essays and work briefs in Yunlan's lamentable chicken scratch
Moderndaypandora: how many times are the sexts modern slang that Shen Wei needs to ask somebody about?
Of-sevenseas: too many
Moderndaypandora: lol after the second he stops asking
Arrgh: It's too late, there are rumours all over campus now
Moderndaypandora: ZYL would demand "for my birthday, i want a dirty text"
Lazulisong: He reluctantly learns how to use idk what urban dictionary in China is
Of-sevenseas: okay but his work firewall would nuke that from orbit so he can't google anything
Of-sevenseas: lord, please let him quote smtg from red mansions
the dance of winds and rain, my foot
Moderndaypandora: lol it'd be hilarious if he decided to troll and went for "🍆?"
Moggiesandtea: But that could be interpreted as a reference to ZYL's prize winning eggplants
Luna: SW’s dirty texts would definitely be full of classical references
Lazulisong: Honestly Shen Wei would be like "youd better not be doing [innocuous but could be suggestive with the right mindset] when I get home"
"Youd better not be wearing my clothes again" ":DDDDDDDDDD"
Moderndaypandora: ahhh, like waving a red flag in front of a bull. or placing a cup near a ledge while the cat is watching
Lazulisong: "a spanking! a spanking!!!"
Arrgh: Only person to be excited at the thought of pissing the Ghost Executioner off =D
Of-sevenseas: only person to get a sound fucking instead of instadeath if have pissed off the Ghost Executioner
I wish you would write a fic where Petra and Harriet make out. :D
“Um, Petra? Not that I’m not happy to see you and all,but…why are you outside my window at 11pm? Also, like, how? This is thefifteenth story and I’m pretty sure it was closed-”
“Haaaarrrrry! No time to explain!” Petra hopped insidethrough the window she’d somehow jiggered open. Classic Petra Parker. “I needyou to help me with something.”
Harriet squinted suspiciously at Petra. “What, likehomework? Did you forget your textbook at school again?”
“It’s a curse,” said Petra
“I dunno, it’s only been like three or four times, doesn’tseem that bad-”
“No, I’ve been cursed.Like, magic.” Petra yanked down the neck of her sweater to show off a line ofshining blue runes right above her heart. Harriet tried really hard not tostare.
“How did thathappen?”
“Loki,” said Petra, as if that was an adequate answer. Cometo think of it, maybe it was. Loki probably cursed a dozen random New Yorkersevery day. Ugh, Loki was the worst.
“Sooooo, what do you want me to help with?” asked Harriet.“It’s not like I can read that.”
“Not a problem,” said Petra cheerfully, “I got Thor totranslate for me.”
“How did you get the actualgoddess of thunder-”
“No time to explain!” Petra interjected hurriedly. “Know agal who knows a gal, Stark Industries internship, etc. etc. Anyway!!!”
Harriet waited for Petra to say something. Petra didn’t.
“Aaannyway?” Harriet prompted.
“Oh, right. Yeah. Uh.” Petra ran a hand through her hair,absentmindedly mussing it up. It was so cute Harriet wanted to die every timeshe did it. “Apparently it’s a bit of classic Asgardian poetry from one oftheir fairy tales. Or maybe it’s a history book? Library filing has got to be apain on Asgard – do you think they have an ancient Norse dewey decimal system?”
“You are such a dork,” Harriet told her. It came outsounding even fonder than she’d meant. Whoops.
“I don’t remember the whole thing, there were a lot ofrhymes, but, um, apparently the gist is that I have to kiss a “maiden fair” in“day’s last hour”? Or else Loki’s going to turn me into a pig and it’ll bepretty hard to get anyone to kiss me then, probably.”
“…oh,” said Harriet.
“Yeah,” said Petra. “Like: I know. You can see why I had to come here.”
“Sure. Of course.” Harriet grabbed her phone and opened upher contacts list. “You want the number of all the single girls on thecheerleading squad, or just the ones I know kiss girls? And is that “maiden”thing literal, because I could narrow it down with that, plus I’m pretty sure you don’t want to kiss Gina,so that leaves-”
“No, that’s not it!” Petra grabbed for Harriet’s phone andended up with her whole hand instead. “Look, if I just wanted to kiss somerandom girl I could probably get Lucy or Dani to do or even, ugh, Samantha, but Ididn’t, I thought…I didn’t want to kiss just anybody for my first kiss ok?”
“…your first kiss?” said Harriet, because that was the onlything she could make sense of at the moment.
Petra threw up her hands. “Hey, excuse me that I’ve been toobusy fighting cr-, uh, ignorance about science and poor school funding! I’vegot a lot on my plate, and you would totally be the first one to know if I hada boyfriend. Or. You know. A girlfriend.”
“Right,” said Harriet, feeling dazed. “That all makes sense.”Sort of.
“Besides,” continued Petra, “it’s a fairy-tale-poetry-history-whatevercurse, and those things have all kindsof rules, and in the stories it’s always supposed to be someone you really love.And you’re my best friend and also, like super pretty, which the curse thing definitely mentioned, and there’s no oneI’d rather have give me a fairy-tale curse ending magical kiss than you. But ifyou don’t want to, I get it, I’ll find something else and-”
Petra squeaked as Harriet pulled her in for kiss, like she’dbeen dreaming of doing since they were like twelveand Harriet had first figured out how crushes worked. After an awkward momentof not quite fitting together Petra relaxed against Harriet and kissed herenthusiastically back.
“So,” Harriet asked, almost breathless when the kiss finallyended, “did that work?”
Petra pulled the collar of her shirt forward and looked down.“No more glowing, which is probably a good sign. But you know, just to be safeI should probably hang around for a while. Maybe try a few more times. Forscience!”
“Want to put on a terrible monster movie and make out?”asked Harriet.
“I knew there was a reason you’re my favorite,” said Petrahappily.
@ohbthr reblogged your link:Poldark producers to adapt Pride and Prejudice for...
I side-eye anything these days that proclaims to be about the “darker tones” or whatever, but hey, at least there’s no way it can be worse than Lost In Austen.
Right?
IT CAN’T POSSIBLY BE WORSE THAN LOST IN AUSTEN
urgh, I am also side-eyeing the ~darkness~ thing super hard, but I’m hoping that it will be more about focusing on the social issues and Austen’s amazing subtle snark than just the standard Darker and Grittier treatment? ...There are still probably a million ways that approach could go wrong, but uh
The first thing Harry saw when he opened his eyes, still groggy from whatever had knocked him out, was Peter Parker, who immediately greeted Harry by saying, “Ok, so, the first thing I need you to know is that I am not a space pirate, no matter what Jameson says, and so I haven’t actually kidnapped you or anything-”
Harry groaned and put his head in his hands to try to steady it, with the added bonus that he didn’t have to look around at what was definitely his best friend’s pirate spaceship; “That is literally the least comforting thing you could have said oh my god.”
“Um, excuse me,” said Peter, indignant, “I could have told you I was a kidnapping space pirate and that would have been way worse.
I’m…not sure I have one? I like them all a lot?? (And there’s a not insignificant chance that the answer is Caius, which is an upsetting thought.)
a character I didn’t used to like but now do:
I hated Rook when he was first introduced so much that I almost stoppedreading the book.
a character I used to like but now don’t:
N/A everyone is good.
a character I’m indifferent about:
What was the name of the male student narrator in book 4? I genuinely can’teven remember right now.
a character who deserved better:
All the aviators who died, Balfour just, like, in general.
a ship I’ve never been able to get into:
Honestly all the canon ships are good.
a ship I’ve never been able to get over:
All of them, ugh. Hal/Roy, Rook/Thom, and Alcibiades/Caius are the ones I’mmost actively fannish about.
a cute, low-key ship:
Kouje/Mamoru is ridiculously sweet and I don’t talk about them enough.
an unpopular ship but I still enjoyed it:
I don’t think there’s enough of a fandom to call any ship “unpopular.” Let’s say Rook/Thom.
a ship that was totally wrong and never should have happened:
Technically Rook/Thom is a correct answer here, but *shrug emoji*
my favourite storyline/moment:
I can’t pick a favorite book! They’re all so good!
But obviously my favorite moment is: “Learn some manners, you rude little fucker.” DRAGON FEELINGS.
a storyline that never should have been written:
Nope they’re all good. (I’m might rewrite Rook’s chapter 1 a bit if it were up to me though)
my first thoughts on the show book:
I legit picked up Havemercy because there was a character named Alcibiades.That was it. I didn’t even read the summary. I went in 100% blind. (I knew itwas fantasy and there was a dragon on the cover, so I guess that’s a tiny bitof info).
my thoughts now:
ASDFGHJKL I HAVE MANY FEELING ABOUT ALL THESE MAGIC LOSERSAND THEIR MECHANICAL DRAGONS.
