In which it is Seventh Month, and chat considers the effects of inflation in hell and sexting via joss paper
Arrgh: I sometimes wonder if hell has inflation.
Of-sevenseas: ?
Arrgh: considering the amount of money some of these people try to burn to their ancestors
Lazulisong: It does actually. The denominations have risen on the bills I read. I was reading up on Hell money the other day in case I wanted to make a joke about bribing Shen Wei
Moderndaypandora: it must be somebody other than ZYL making the joke, he'd just bribe him with his body
Lazulisong: Well ZYL does bribe messengers and workers. And Shen Wei can apparently interact with burnt offerings
Kitsunec4: And like 888 folded lotus flowers. And paper houses. And paper cars.
Arrgh: Paper iPhones too, which strikes me as completely hilarious.
WAIT ZYL ABSOLUTELY BURNS SW AN IPHONE
Moderndaypandora: with a drawn on text from Ah Lan 😘😘?
Arrgh: YES
Moderndaypandora: the new way to send nudes
Moggiesandtea: ....yeah, he'd do that. Also probably a really fancy paper house with a fancy paper bed. He is subtle
Moderndaypandora: i'd just want to be a fly on the wall watching Shen Wei receive it
Arrgh: nonono no house. After all, SW should stay nowhere else other than with HIM
Moderndaypandora: lol
Shen Wei: you should burn me a house, if you want to do such foolish things
ZYL: that is the LAST thing i should burn
ZYL would burn paper sex toys instead. Like "WE COULD BE USING THESE".
This could be us but you playin'
Arrgh: ok, does he like print them off, or does he try to draw them (I don't want to know if paper sex toys can be bought)
Kitsunec4: Probably
Moderndaypandora: ok but imagine Da Qing getting dragged along on the quest to find out
ZYL: we need to go buy paper offerings
Da Qing: i can feel something terrible coming
Arrgh: Da Qing knows his terrible human very well
Moderndaypandora: Da Qing probably tried to make a break for it but got dragged into a cat carrier
Lazulisong: I'm sure he could draw a dildo easily tho. Or like, write it in cinnabar on joss paper. BY THE WAY IM STILL YELLING ABOUT THAT IDIOT SLEEPING WITH A FUCKING JAR OF UHHHHH MERCURY ON HIS BED
Also still crying over Shen Wei being like omg!!! I get to write a letter!!! To ☆♡☆HIM☆♡☆~~~~ and Zhao being like why the fuck does heipao-ge write these long ass grandma letters
Arrgh: Speaking of, we know ZYL doesn't send letters, but you KNOW after the identity reveal and they finally get their shit together ZYL makes good use of that can of cinnabar to send SW all kinds of random shit
Lazulisong: Sexting via joss paper
Kitsunec4: A phrase I never realized could happen to be said
Arrgh: Lol I'm honestly surprised we haven't had this conversation before XD
Moderndaypandora: ZYL, the first time the thought occurs: oh my god i could have been doing this so much sooner
Of-sevenseas: Shen Wei, the first time this happens: ... of course he found a way to sext via joss paper
Moderndaypandora: Shen Wei: why am i even surprised?
Of-sevenseas: if he's sexting on joss paper, then it would be his handwriting. so actually Shen Wei is psyched to finally start his collection of handwritten notes from his beloved
Moderndaypandora: Shen Wei would meticulously save it
Of-sevenseas: even if they are the spiritual equivalent of dirty limericks
Moderndaypandora: "i thought about your sleeve garters while touching myself" "you should pull my hair next time i serve you" "wanna keep the glasses on?"
Lazulisong: "daddy babys been bad"
Moderndaypandora: "baby wants it harder tonight"
and Shen Wei would take all these and preserve them with like, pressed flowers in a beautifully carved box
Ohbthr: What a perv 😂
Luna: It’d be more romantic if ZYL’s handwriting wasnt chicken scratch and SW had to squint to decipher it
Moderndaypandora: lol, Shen Wei sending back notes like "if i can't read it, we can't do it" to try and encourage neater handwriting
Arrgh: +squint. Squiiiiiint. BLUSHES BRIGHT RED+
Moderndaypandora: ZYL leaves a voicemail on the burned phone: then i'll just tell you what i want
Shen Wei: clearly something new and different
Of-sevenseas: poor Da Qing or whoever is doing the budget that month. 'discretionary expense claims' suddenly become a lot more common
Lazulisong: I have this theory that Shen Wei is a big love letter thief and that's why hes mad Zhao Yunlan only texts
Of-sevenseas: question: does Shen Wei have seventy billion failed drafts of school reports and essays and work briefs in Yunlan's lamentable chicken scratch
Moderndaypandora: how many times are the sexts modern slang that Shen Wei needs to ask somebody about?
Of-sevenseas: too many
Moderndaypandora: lol after the second he stops asking
Arrgh: It's too late, there are rumours all over campus now
Moderndaypandora: ZYL would demand "for my birthday, i want a dirty text"
Lazulisong: He reluctantly learns how to use idk what urban dictionary in China is
Of-sevenseas: okay but his work firewall would nuke that from orbit so he can't google anything
Of-sevenseas: lord, please let him quote smtg from red mansions
the dance of winds and rain, my foot
Moderndaypandora: lol it'd be hilarious if he decided to troll and went for "🍆?"
Moggiesandtea: But that could be interpreted as a reference to ZYL's prize winning eggplants
Luna: SW’s dirty texts would definitely be full of classical references
Lazulisong: Honestly Shen Wei would be like "youd better not be doing [innocuous but could be suggestive with the right mindset] when I get home"
"Youd better not be wearing my clothes again" ":DDDDDDDDDD"
Moderndaypandora: ahhh, like waving a red flag in front of a bull. or placing a cup near a ledge while the cat is watching
Lazulisong: "a spanking! a spanking!!!"
Arrgh: Only person to be excited at the thought of pissing the Ghost Executioner off =D
Of-sevenseas: only person to get a sound fucking instead of instadeath if have pissed off the Ghost Executioner
kitsunec4 replied to your post “I know you said you didn't want more top 5 but I was curious what your...”
Really feel like the songs list eventually becomes, how Chris gets the songs he really wants through. And would actually have no idea what to do if his crazy out of left field attempt ever gets approved
The day that the ISU gives in and lets him do the Britney Spears medley where he has three costume changes in one exhibition (Classic red jumpsuit strips off into Oops! I Did It Again school girl uniform to the Toxic nude body suit with tasteful rhinestones) is the happiest day since his husband bought him that fucking machine.
(also add flo rida’s “can’t believe it” feat. pitbull to the list. you know he’s the only active skater who can do a quad toe while squeezing his own ass??)
kitsunec4 replied to your post “also before i start these 5 things, REAL QUESTION: does victor...”
He does. And sometimes he may contribute guest tidbits. Oh my god
He definitely has a “Shopping Guide For Men” column where he talks about his favorite $700 ottoman to fuck yuuri katsuki on and his favorite $120 shower step stool to make fucking yuuri katsuki in the shower easier and the rustic $675 antique pepper grinder that also doubles as an incredible device to fuck yuuri katsuki with.
lazulisong replied to your post “also before i start these 5 things, REAL QUESTION: does victor...”
at first he's like IT'S GREAT, I DEFINITELY DO THIS STUFF but then Chris made too much fun of him so now he pretends to enjoy it ironically so Yuri won't make fun of him either. Yuri sees right through him tho.
REAL TALK: chris would make fun of him but only because victor keeps showing up with the same revitalizing day moisturizers and rejuvenation night creams that he carries with him, and it’s just really embarrassing.
greywolf-sheera replied to your post “also before i start these 5 things, REAL QUESTION: does victor...”
Nope, he subs to Oprah's and Vogue tho.
okay, but how many bets on the only books victor’s ever read are oprah’s book of the month club books, and that’s what fills the shelves in his st. petersburg apartment. victor also loves bread, oprah.
kixboxer replied to your post “top five fantasies victor had about yuri that yuri accidentally...”
it brings me a lot of happiness to know viktor nikiforov has a dream journal dedicated to dream dates
victor has a recurring dream where he and yuuri are picnicking on a grassy knoll facing a lake. they are feeding each other soft cheeses and grapes, drinking white wine sangria. their shoes are off and the grass feels good curled between victor’s toes. on the shore they see yurio in a boy’s sailor suit. he is playing with a wooden toy boat. “what do you think it means?” victor asks.
“it means you need to keep me out of your weird ass fucking dreams,” yurio says, shuddering.
kitsunec4 replied to your post “top five fantasies victor had about yuri that yuri accidentally...”
The idea of a cuddly Yuuri on ecstasy brings me a lot of joy as I snuggle into my blankets and try not to cackle too loud and wake my cat up
i would actually die. imagine him just naked, curled up in a fleece blanket with phichit. he is carefully taking down all of his victor nikiforov posters and showing them to phichit, telling him all the small trivia he knows, why they listen to victor’s free skate programs on loop from the past several years. phichit loves his friend being in love, and just makes sure he drinks enough gatorade.
pearlo replied to your post “top five fantasies victor had about yuri that yuri accidentally...”
everyone has a foot thing!!!
“TWENTY-SEVEN MEN AND THREE VERY ADVENTUROUS WOMEN CAN’T BE WRONG, YUURI!”
kixboxer replied to your post “top 5 times yuuri goes commando”
you can't wear nakedness backwards
if anyone could do it, it would be yuuri.
okay, going to take a break from five things and finish them up tomorrow evening when i get home from work at hopefully an earlier hour. <3
kitsunec4: Oh my god yes. The PTA arms race between Chris and Victor via their instagrams while their husbands look on with affection and bafflement.
i just really hope you know i have been angrily thinking about a yuri on ice PTA au all day, because i’m a fucking slut for kidfic, and want ten thousand million words about all of these losers living in the same upper middle class suburbs attending barbecues and basketball games and making bitter, spiteful casseroles for each other
kitsunec4 said: I wonder if it’s a comprehension versus writing thing. Like, I can sort of read fics in Chinese, but no way in hell could I write a comment for the authors. :/
That’s actually a very good point! I still feel kind of bad though because I have to run my reply through google translate and just hope for the best like SORRY I’M SUCH A FRAUD PLEASE ACCEPT MY LOVE AND GRATITUDE ANYWAY yeah this works. <3
kitsunec4 said: Screamingly hilarious. Oh my god. Yuuri’s confusion because he only knows Yuuri. Yuuri who is too extra for anyone’s well-being. I’m going to die laughing in an airport. RIP me
I love how Yurio is like “you mean that’s *not* normal?” because he never really realised until now that he shouldn’t use someone like Yuuri as the standard. Don’t feel inferior, Otabek! Like you said, Yuuri is just too extra, ahaha.
calicopocket said: Okay, I officially am dead. That was great!
I’m so glad you enjoyed what there is so far! Now I just need to actually finish it somehow. x__x
dandelion-san said: I love this bc usually the roles are opposite and you are the first one I’ve read to actually have Otabek the one having heats. Also, I am dying of laughter bc of course Yuuri and Victor would be over the top like that. XD
Yeah, it wouldn’t be one of my fics if Yakov wasn’t suffering somewhere in it. And since I’d already written Yurio as an alpha in this series, I guess it only makes sense for Otabek to be an omega. It also makes their dynamic much more interesting!
