#moderndaypandora

[qqueenofhades]

what i appreciate about your s&b/hr crossover fic, Ivan is a figure of lust for the various trash pandas in the verse, and the only person who hates it more than Ilya IS Ivan. Jesper and Wylan have an agreed "it's not infidelity if it's That One Hot Angry Russian Man" clause in their relationship, and honestly the only fight would be "okay you found out he's into men and you tapped that and you DIDN'T try to make it a threesome with me???" and lust for Ilya's uncle probably doesn't feature in Jesper's podcast only because Kaz ruthlessly edits out any mention. Meanwhile Ilya is like "that is my father (figure) and he's terrible, and it's bad enough my OTHER father (figure) is actually fucking him, somehow making them my parents???? and I hate it????" Once Scott Hunter and Hollanov are out, Ilya would be praying for Fivan to stay quiet, because he can't be expected to deal with that in real life and possibly face interview questions about it. Everybody is taking their daddy issues to horny places with HIS dad/uncle, who helped cause many of his daddy issues, but at least Ilya directed all his energy into fucking his not!daddy hockey robot boyfriend!

Ilya: Fedya's legacy as a man and a hockey player will only be marred by his SHIT taste in romantic partners Ivan: it's true but he shouldn't say it Fedyor: my partner firebombed his entire life and defected from a country for me Fedyor: he fucked over MOROZOV to protect me Fedyor: but it IS true and he shouldn't say it

Listen, Jesper canonically thinks Ivan is too pretty to shoot, while Ivan is obviously never going to forgive him ever even once in his life for the whole knocking him out and tossing him off a skiff into the frigging Shadow Fold thing. Hence my desperate, DESPERATE and undying desire to see the two of them forced to work together in some capacity (as is the case in my s3 fic in the land of snow and shadow), where Jesper treats Ivan like they're absolute besties with a hint of "if you're up for it I'm up for it" flirtation, and Ivan is just in hell. Just absolutely in hell. This is the worst thing that has ever happened to him in all of time and space. Would not touch Jesper with a ten foot pole if it would cure cancer. Repeatedly tries to kill him but is thwarted and forced to just dream of killing him. THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT.

As such, in HR/SAB crossover land, Ivan is equally disdainful of Jesper the idiotic podcaster, but unfortunately for Ivan, he's in his mid-forties in this verse and therefore at like, peak hotness. (See my profile picture; Simon Sears is currently 42 and Yes. Do Approve.) Hence Jesper is busily making bets with Wylan that Ilya Rozanov's horrible uncle is actually a middle-aged dreamboat and Wylan heartily agrees, leaving all parties concerned (i.e. Ivan and Ilya) yet again scarred for life. If Jesper ever did get around to informing his podcast listeners that Ilya's uncle is actually a bona fide hottie, Ivan would probably crawl through the screen Ring-style and kill him. (Poor Kaz already has to put up with the hockey-RPF-dramatic-readings segments, IS THIS NOT ENOUGH.)

Also, "directed all his energy into fucking his not!daddy hockey robot boyfriend" made me cackle an unreasonable amount. Ilya is like LOOK. SHANE MAY BE... SPECIAL, BUT AT LEAST HE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH DADDY ISSUES AND WHATEVER YOU FREAKS ARE DOING WITH THEM. GOD DON'T LOOK AT ME. STOP THIRSTING OVER MY UNCLE, YOU ANIMALS. THIS IS ALSO THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE.

(And Fedyor. Poor, poor Fedyor. Brave, brilliant, charismatic, handsome, talented, idealistic, and morally upright in every verse. And yet, also in every single one of those, he has the world's absolute worst taste in men.)

[magnusbae]

a small silly dreamling headcanon for you, to hopefully cheer you. Hob's wardrobe taking a decided pivot gothward, but still keeping it comfortable academic. oversized cardigans pilling from wear, cotton undershirts with thumb holes worn to thin softness, etc, all black. Not for Dream outright, because he makes offended cat faces at seeing clothes his size and obviously for him, but the fact they're sized for Hob and in his current preferred style gives just enough denial, so Dream can steal them and collect secondhand the warmth and affection imbued (and also the smell of Hob's shampoo and cologne). The trade off is that there's a strong chance of tea or ink stains, because Hob has a life and that life is frequently messy.

Dream: how do you manage to get curry stains on every cuff? Hob: first of all, by eating curry, clearly. second of all, you can't see them on the black, i soaked them and everything. Dream: [UNIMPRESSED] and yet, i see them.

His students are just like, how do you seem even less tough wearing that than you did in oatmeal? Hob, survivor of countless wars and attempts to break him: talent.

[UNIMPRESSED] AND YET, I SEE THEM.

I laughed, that's good. Thank you so much for the food. (haha)

Listen, Hob saw Dream with his coat 1 (one) time (during the rescue that obviously happened) (hush) (it's just how it is). And ever since he's been consumed by the thought.

The initial plan of just getting Dream clothes did not work—and then this, this did work.

Hob, literally just staring at his lover wearing one of his, slightly too big for him, sweaters, instead of... Well... Teaching.

The entire class: uh oh.

Just imagine Dream sitting on the steps of his throne, wearing one of Hob's comfortable sweaters, black with a band name on it, sulking.

That imagine, and then a zoom out at Lucienne who is like "My... Lord....?"

Dream: Yes? :/

Now that we speak of this, imagine Hob wearing Dream's coat. I think it'll look rather dashing on him. And Dream would most likely be mildly (is he capable of moderate emotions even) smug about it.

[arrghigiveup]

In which it is Seventh Month, and chat considers the effects of inflation in hell and sexting via joss paper

Arrgh: I sometimes wonder if hell has inflation.

Of-sevenseas: ?

Arrgh: considering the amount of money some of these people try to burn to their ancestors

Lazulisong: It does actually. The denominations have risen on the bills I read. I was reading up on Hell money the other day in case I wanted to make a joke about bribing Shen Wei

Moderndaypandora: it must be somebody other than ZYL making the joke, he'd just bribe him with his body

Lazulisong: Well ZYL does bribe messengers and workers. And Shen Wei can apparently interact with burnt offerings

Kitsunec4: And like 888 folded lotus flowers. And paper houses. And paper cars.

Arrgh: Paper iPhones too, which strikes me as completely hilarious. WAIT ZYL ABSOLUTELY BURNS SW AN IPHONE

Moderndaypandora: with a drawn on text from Ah Lan 😘😘?

Arrgh: YES

Moderndaypandora: the new way to send nudes

Moggiesandtea: ....yeah, he'd do that. Also probably a really fancy paper house with a fancy paper bed. He is subtle

Moderndaypandora: i'd just want to be a fly on the wall watching Shen Wei receive it

Arrgh: nonono no house. After all, SW should stay nowhere else other than with HIM

Moderndaypandora: lol Shen Wei: you should burn me a house, if you want to do such foolish things ZYL: that is the LAST thing i should burn ZYL would burn paper sex toys instead. Like "WE COULD BE USING THESE". This could be us but you playin'

Arrgh: ok, does he like print them off, or does he try to draw them (I don't want to know if paper sex toys can be bought)

Kitsunec4: Probably

Moderndaypandora: ok but imagine Da Qing getting dragged along on the quest to find out ZYL: we need to go buy paper offerings Da Qing: i can feel something terrible coming

Arrgh: Da Qing knows his terrible human very well

Moderndaypandora: Da Qing probably tried to make a break for it but got dragged into a cat carrier

Lazulisong: I'm sure he could draw a dildo easily tho. Or like, write it in cinnabar on joss paper. BY THE WAY IM STILL YELLING ABOUT THAT IDIOT SLEEPING WITH A FUCKING JAR OF UHHHHH MERCURY ON HIS BED Also still crying over Shen Wei being like omg!!! I get to write a letter!!! To ☆♡☆HIM☆♡☆~~~~ and Zhao being like why the fuck does heipao-ge write these long ass grandma letters

Arrgh: Speaking of, we know ZYL doesn't send letters, but you KNOW after the identity reveal and they finally get their shit together ZYL makes good use of that can of cinnabar to send SW all kinds of random shit

Lazulisong: Sexting via joss paper

Kitsunec4: A phrase I never realized could happen to be said

Arrgh: Lol I'm honestly surprised we haven't had this conversation before XD

Moderndaypandora: ZYL, the first time the thought occurs: oh my god i could have been doing this so much sooner

Of-sevenseas: Shen Wei, the first time this happens: ... of course he found a way to sext via joss paper

Moderndaypandora: Shen Wei: why am i even surprised?

Of-sevenseas: if he's sexting on joss paper, then it would be his handwriting. so actually Shen Wei is psyched to finally start his collection of handwritten notes from his beloved

Moderndaypandora: Shen Wei would meticulously save it

Of-sevenseas: even if they are the spiritual equivalent of dirty limericks

Moderndaypandora: "i thought about your sleeve garters while touching myself" "you should pull my hair next time i serve you" "wanna keep the glasses on?"

Lazulisong: "daddy babys been bad"

Moderndaypandora: "baby wants it harder tonight" and Shen Wei would take all these and preserve them with like, pressed flowers in a beautifully carved box

Ohbthr: What a perv 😂

Luna: It’d be more romantic if ZYL’s handwriting wasnt chicken scratch and SW had to squint to decipher it

Moderndaypandora: lol, Shen Wei sending back notes like "if i can't read it, we can't do it" to try and encourage neater handwriting

Arrgh: +squint. Squiiiiiint. BLUSHES BRIGHT RED+

Moderndaypandora: ZYL leaves a voicemail on the burned phone: then i'll just tell you what i want Shen Wei: clearly something new and different

Of-sevenseas: poor Da Qing or whoever is doing the budget that month. 'discretionary expense claims' suddenly become a lot more common

Lazulisong: I have this theory that Shen Wei is a big love letter thief and that's why hes mad Zhao Yunlan only texts

Of-sevenseas: question: does Shen Wei have seventy billion failed drafts of school reports and essays and work briefs in Yunlan's lamentable chicken scratch

Moderndaypandora: how many times are the sexts modern slang that Shen Wei needs to ask somebody about?

Of-sevenseas: too many

Moderndaypandora: lol after the second he stops asking

Arrgh: It's too late, there are rumours all over campus now

Moderndaypandora: ZYL would demand "for my birthday, i want a dirty text"

Lazulisong: He reluctantly learns how to use idk what urban dictionary in China is

Of-sevenseas: okay but his work firewall would nuke that from orbit so he can't google anything

Moderndaypandora: Shen Wei: highly euphemistic, amazing poetic phrase

Of-sevenseas: lord, please let him quote smtg from red mansions the dance of winds and rain, my foot

Moderndaypandora: lol it'd be hilarious if he decided to troll and went for "🍆?"

Moggiesandtea: But that could be interpreted as a reference to ZYL's prize winning eggplants

Luna: SW’s dirty texts would definitely be full of classical references

Lazulisong: Honestly Shen Wei would be like "youd better not be doing [innocuous but could be suggestive with the right mindset] when I get home" "Youd better not be wearing my clothes again" ":DDDDDDDDDD"

Moderndaypandora: ahhh, like waving a red flag in front of a bull. or placing a cup near a ledge while the cat is watching

Lazulisong: "a spanking! a spanking!!!"

Arrgh: Only person to be excited at the thought of pissing the Ghost Executioner off =D

Of-sevenseas: only person to get a sound fucking instead of instadeath if have pissed off the Ghost Executioner

[qqueenofhades]

it's taken me a while, but finally, on Independent Bookstore Day, i went and found Rook And Rose because of seeing you enjoy it so much on tumblr. Thanks for the rec and I hope they make me as feral as they made you

Listen, on the hopefully distant day that this hellsite goes under for the last time, I shall stand proudly on the sinking ship and announce that my greatest Tumblr legacy was dragging so many people into this tiny, tiny fandom. Salute my skills, salute my dedication, salute the fact that people still regularly come into my inbox to inform me that my yelling finally convinced them to pick up R&R, even though it's been almost two years since I really, howlingly lost my mind over Labyrinth's Heart (in August 2023). That's what I call Making An Impression. I regret nothing. I hope you have All The Fun.

[qqueenofhades]

thank you for everything you’ve done to inform and educate during these [gestures incomprehensibly] times. if i could, i’d offer you a 21 boop salute

Thank you. I've had to pull back from being super active on social media during these [gestures incomprehensibly] times, it has been a challenging autumn in other respects, and I'm pretty much on 24 Hour Terror Watch from now until whenever this godforsaken fucking mess is over. I am praying for a blowout so massive that they can call it on Election Night and spare us another four day Putindestielnevada Superhell, but we should only be so lucky. So... yeah.

In the meantime, tumblr staff, for all their multifarious other failings, did know that what the people needed in this trying time was Halloween Boops. And for that, sincerely, I thank them.

Boop.

[lazulisong]

moderndaypandora replied to your post “1. i am sorry for everybody who got used to me writing pure fiction...”

question for point 3. will zyl be 100% into the creepy anyway?

yes. yes, he is.

idk man I love creepy dudes being creepy but I only really like it when the Object d’Creep can be like *SMACK* STOP THAT if they really objected to it you feel??

[unpretty]

So I just finished Unprofessional Behavior, and it def hit my personal kinks hard enough that i regret not having read it sooner, but it also meant i went looking for other kinky orig!fic you'd written, and i read Afternoon Tea on your writing tumblr, and now i'm really curious if there's other Penelope and Dave and/or monster dick fic (semi-related, still really fucking glad your tumblr led me to My Monster Boyfriend, A+ job, universe leading on this path o'dicks) you've written?

most of the monster dicks end up in RP instead of fiction because ??? right now i think it’s just Dave and Drago (from Shine) but i am planning to write more Penelope and Dave at some point because they’re cuties

My Monster Boyfriend is SO GOOD I LOVE IT

[lazulisong]

moderndaypandora replied to your post “no promises but”

... strictly YOI, or are you still in NIF hell enough to take those too?

i sure am