Here’s a VERY unfinished comic from the amazing fic Monkey King's Guide to Physical Contact by @ninja-knox-ur-sox-off .
I lost steam on it a little while back so it never got finished, but thanks so much to the incredible @lavaflowe for all the constructive criticism and lettin me dump ideas on ya! This Monkey Has Problems
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
🍊 it's too soon (bowcrary)
tommy/chanse, 4.6k words, rated t. an angsty fic about change and happiness.
“Weird, isn't it?” Chanse murmurs, before slotting himself into the free space next to Tommy. “I know you're probably used to this kind of thing, but Angela and I started here, so it's kind of…” he pauses. “I don't know. In-between states are weird.”
Tommy's throat feels dry. He swallows. It does not help. “Yeah,” he feels prompted to say. “To be honest, I don’t think I'm used to it. I really thought we were gonna be here forever.”
(It's a lie. More accurately, the thought of someplace new felt like a myth. A childish dream. Smosh is never exempt from the inevitability of good things coming to an end. He really thought he'd see these boxes in another kind of circumstance. A glummer one. Perhaps the preemptiveness of having these kinds of thoughts is more of a protective measure than something of true accuracy. Tommy doesn't know. Maybe he just wants order.)
Fic Summary: A Kenrava-focused fix-it alongside canon 💗
Chapter Summary: Hunting and Safe Room, redone.
Or, the story of Kendall and Rava's chaotic Christmas week. Kendall tries different tactics to get Logan to agree to save Vaulter while trying to stay apprised of goings-on within the company from afar. Rava is terrified when an active shooter situation hits Waystar with Kendall inside. The incident causes Kendall to struggle with his past demons and to try to reconnect with Shiv. Kendall and Rava exchange Christmas gifts and see how much they mean to each other.
On December twentieth, Kendall lies on the couch in the great room and stares up at the ceiling.
“I-I mean, he didn’t mean that, right?” he asks for the fourth time since his call with Logan yesterday. “That was nothing? He wasn’t really offering it to me when I turned it down. Was he?”
“Mind games…” Rava says absentmindedly as she turns the page of her book in a nearby chair.
“Yes, mind games! Fucking- manipulation, yeah? He’s always done shit like that. What- what do I even do with that?”
She can feel his chaotic energy.
“Have you considered calling HR?” Rava says drily.
“Uh-huh. Okay. They’re all at the fucking corporate retreat in Hungary doing God-knows-what with the company-“ he looks at her eyes running across the page. He’s more stressed by the day not to be able to attend any management meetings right now and it couldn’t be clearer that she doesn’t want to hear about it anymore. “Whatever. I need sunflower seeds.” He gets up and goes to pace in the kitchen as he pours the bag into his mouth.
She tries not to look at him while he’s doing it because she knows what that means. He walks back and forth and looks around.
“You know what? I’m gonna be in the gym,” he says as he walks down the hall toward it.
“Twice in one morning?” Rava asks.
“That was floor stuff, weights. Now it’s cardio. Why, you don’t want me too ripped?” She lets him turn the substitute addictions into a joke. Whatever works.
“No,” she laughs. “Go get ripped. That’s…. great.”
“You laugh now,” he says. “You’re not gonna be ready.”
“Oh, I’ll be ready,” she nods sarcastically. “You should go back to drawing, or music. You used to do more art.”
“Uh- yeah. I did. I should. Just- yeah, I’m going to work out right now.”
He flashes her a smile and walks away. When he comes back in the room she looks over his ever-so-slightly mussed hair. He locks eyes with her.
“Yeah?”
She raises her eyebrows and tilts her head to the side as she chuckles. It doesn’t look like he was going too crazy with the workout, but she does like what she’s seeing. She notices a grey smudge on his hand and nods at it.
"What is that?" she asks. He looks down at it.
"Oh, it's nothing. From the treadmill I guess."
“Okay... well, you are looking good.”
“Feeling good,” he says. But he sounds like he’s trying to reassure himself. “I haven’t heard from Roman in a couple days,” he says.
“Well, there’s probably not much privacy in jail- I’m sorry, the retreat. I always get those mixed up,” she returns.
“Right.” He heads to the shower and, after fifteen minutes, enters the room and starts pacing again. She looks up from her book.
“You’re making me nervous. Come sit down!” He goes to sit down next to her and she watches his foot bounce.
“I’m gonna text him again,” Kendall says with worry in his voice. He types out a message.
Rome. You gotta give me something, man.
He taps his fingers on Rava’s thigh as he looks at the screen. After a couple of minutes, Roman sends a text with a news screenshot and accompanying message.
Preview of an article Karolina sent us. Merry fucking whatever. You’d better not forget this.
Kendall looks at the screenshotted headline and gives a little smile at his screen.
Waystar Royco subsidiary Vaulter lives to fight another day; President Lawrence Yee stays in role under embattled Waystar CEO Logan Roy’s leadership.
“Roman saved Vaulter,” he says out loud in disbelief. “I’ve seen this kind of thing, though. It’s just a temporary extension for now, but it’s a start.”
Rava smiles.
“Good Christmas present,” she replies. “Speaking of which, it’s about time to do the finishing touches on the tree now that you can breathe again. Only a few days til Christmas! You know the kids are going to be ready for holiday stuff.”
“Yeah, for sure.” He pauses a second. “I feel kinda fuckin’… bad that we’re not going to my mom’s. She always wants us to go and Shiv would never do it, but Roman wanted to too. Maybe next year? Or can we- could we go see her next month or something? I just- you know, things were actually good with us at the wedding. It was kind of weird. But, yeah, good.”
“Yeah. Sure, we can go see your mom. Whenever you want.”
Kendall nods and gets up to go to the kids’ rooms to coax them out with promises of hot chocolate and ornaments as Rava looks through the boxes of decorations the staff had been taking out earlier to find the last bits of tree decor. Kendall and Rava have always done this part themselves.
Rava shows Kendall a ceramic ornament they’d bought at a Christmas market in Belgium in one of their first holiday seasons together. The little red frame says Merry Christmas in green and features a sweet picture of 24-year old Kendall and Rava with big smiles on their pink faces pressed together. Kendall’s first Christmas free of his family had been one for the books.
Kendall looks at it and wordlessly returns her look of love. He takes his phone from the glass coffee table and walks the few steps over to her, bending down to her and putting his cheek on hers before taking a quick picture of them smiling once more. Rava nods at the picture and gives him a grin.
“We’ll get a new one made to match,” he says.
“Love that,” she says.
…..
On December twenty-first, Roman calls Kendall.
“Hey, fuckface,” Roman starts. “I’m so hungover I might kill myself.”
Kendall doesn’t know if this is about to be an alcoholic joke or if Roman really just called because he would understand.
“Uh, okay. Well, I’d go throw up and pour yourself an Irish coffee, always worked for me,” he says sardonically to head him off at the pass.
“No. Jesus. I’m not drinking at least until this afternoon.”
“Solid restraint.” Kendall wonders for the millionth time why he’s the only sibling who got the addiction gene. “How was last night? Little bit of corporate trauma bonding?” he asks, stretching out on the couch and enjoying the fact that he spent last night sipping hot chocolate by the Christmas tree while the kids watched Elf.
“You missed a fantastic round of Boar on the Floor. De-licious. Got it all on film, I’m gonna watch it and jerk off later.”
Kendall massages his forehead.
“Jesus. First of all, delete that immediately- or, actually, send it to me and then delete it.”
“I don’t share my porn stash,” Roman says.
“Bro. Seriously. That kind of abuse of power could help our case.”
“Your case. I’m not fucking over Dad. Why do you want it, are you giving it to the biographer? Because Dad will know it’s you.”
Kendall sighs.
“No. I- I mean I got a call, but I didn’t return. Didn’t you get a call?” he asks.
Roman’s quiet before he responds.
“Yyyyeah, of course I did. I’m the most important one.” He changes tone. “But seriously, Dad’s fucking paranoid right now. Someone talked. He doesn’t trust anyone. He’s being… you know. Scary.” He switches back to being cavalier. “He’s gonna find out who it is and it’s gonna be sweet punishment time.”
“Well. It’s not me. But if he wants to know who’s got motivation to talk shit about him, he should look to literally anyone else he’s talked to in the last twenty years.” Roman makes a hurt face and Kendall can practically see it through the phone. “Dude, it’s- it probably won’t even go anywhere. Don’t worry about it. But- yeah. Try to stop people from talking if you can.”
“Why would you want to stop them? You hate Dad,” Roman mumbles.
“I- I don’t- come on, bro. You know that’s not true. It’s tough with us, though.”
“Whatever. This isn’t your ridiculous therapy time where we talk all about how you want to fuck and/or kill our parents and possibly our sister, although you should know she’s mine.”
Kendall rolls his eyes.
“Did he make you play Boar on the Floor?” he asks. The protective older brother in him comes out no matter how annoying Roman is to him.
“Of course not, Dad loves me, Ken. Not something you would understand, but-“
“He never made me play either.” It’s true, but there was always a present threat to both of them at retreats. “Well- good,” Kendall finishes.
“Frank’s here,” Roman says angrily. Kendall feels a momentary pang.
“Yeah? How is he?”
“Being a corporate cock-suck like always. My fucking babysitter.”
“Frank knows what’s doing,” Kendall says. He’s glad Frank is back on at the company, but he misses his guidance. He’s a little envious that Roman is getting the advice he wants. He wonders if he could get Frank on board with his side.
“Ugh. This godfatherly love thing is annoying. Dad’s only bringing him back so he can suck up to the Pierces.”
“The Pierces?” Kendall asks in disbelief.
“Oh, fuck,” Roman laughs. “You didn’t know about that? Man, you are out of the loop.” Kendall squirms at his brother’s glee.
“What do you- Dad’s going after them again? This is his solution. Old tech again.” His mind starts running and he makes a note to text Sandy and Stewy right after this call ends.
“I didn’t tell you that!” Roman exclaims, partially regretting having the shared the information. Kendall can tell how he’s feeling.
“I would’ve found out anyway,” he informs him.
“I guess.”
Kendall decides to change the subject.
“You, uh, see Connor’s video?” he asks.
“Giving away all our secrets to never paying any taxes. Idiot. I mean- love him and his desperate ploys for attention- obviously- but, like, perhaps he shouldn’t be making a joke of our last name?”
“Yeah, thought that was your job.” Kendall sends the rare jab his way.
“Fuck you,” Roman spits back. But he has another thing to discuss. “Um… hey, what do you think of Gerri?” he asks.
“What- Gerri?” Kendall asks. “You mean, like, is she trustworthy? I mean, yeah. She’s all in for Waystar.”
Roman scrunches his face and runs his hand through his hair.
“No, I know, I mean, uh… like as a… human woman? Did she and Dad ever…”
“Fuck?” Kendall chuckles. “I dunno. Maybe. She seems like she’d tell him to go to hell though. Not exactly a warm and fuzzy, fuckin’… take you to bed type.”
“Well, you don’t know. You don’t know her.”
Kendall’s confused by Roman’s sudden defensiveness.
“Why are you asking me this?”
“I don’t- nothing. No reason, I just want to know if she’s trustworthy.”
“Okay.” Did I not just say that? Kendall thinks. “Well, yeah.” His interest is piqued by the questioning. “Why’d you think of that, her and Dad?”
“I don’t know, nothing. She’s just… you know, she was probably hot, once. I should’ve hit on her when I was, like twelve. That would’ve been saucy.” He swirls his finger in the bowl of grapes next to him and doesn’t eat any.
“Dude, what the fuck,” Kendall half-laughs.
“I don’t know. Whatever.” He sounds defensive again and Kendall is more amused by the second.
“Are you trying to fuck Gerri, bro?”
“No, gross, fuck you. She’s, like, efficient. And old. Fuck off. And text me what pills Dad’s supposed to be on.”
“Uh- okay. He- he said I would know?” Kendall’s surprise is evident in his voice. He feels a brief warmth in his chest followed by anxiety that he might never get to experience the closeness he craves with his dad in person again. But he reminds himself that this is a good sign for the future.
“Yeah, don’t get excited. He won’t trust anyone he hires. Thinks they’re all gonna send the list of meds to Michelle Pantsil for the book.”
“Wow. Sure, I’ll- I’ll send you the list.”
“Ugh, just do it, don’t make it a big deal. See you whenever.”
Roman hangs up and Kendall is left with a moment of mixed emotions before refocusing and sending a text to Sandy and Stewy.
Dad’s going after Pierce. Good news. He has no real option if his only plan to get the company even more bloated. Just wants an excuse to chase the old dream. No chance Nan Pierce lets this happen.
Rava pokes her head into the office.
“Are you working?” she asks.
“No- that was Roman, but I think he just called to catch up, actually.” Kendall surprises himself as he realizes that is exactly what just happened.
“Oh?” He’s not the only one who’s surprised.
“Yeah, I think, uh, I guess Dad wanted him to ask me about his pills.” Kendall can’t help but smile a little bit.
“Really?” Rava asks hesitantly. “And that’s- a good thing…?”
“Yeah. That’s a good thing.” He looks at her and gets up to hug her. “Let’s go sit by the tree before the kids go to bed.”
Rava already has had Christmas music playing for the kids, who are inspecting every wrapped present under the beautiful, towering tree.
Kendall notices Sophie subtly peeling back the wrapping paper on the corner of a present addressed to her.
“Uh-uh, Soph. Santa can see that,” he scolds. She looks shocked to have been caught and stares up at him.
“Tell him I didn’t do it! You know the president!”
Rava puts her hand over her face for a moment.
“Santa is more powerful than the president,” Kendall says seriously. “Up, away from the tree. You’ll unwrap it in a few days.”
Iverson looks concerned and Rava goes to smooth his hair.
“Don’t worry,” she reassures him. “Santa knows you’ve both been good this year. That’s what really matters. It’s time for bed now.” The kids groan. “Up, up, up,” Rava continues. “The faster you go to sleep the faster you get to Christmas!”
They stand up and Sophie runs ahead of Iverson, who looks over his shoulder at the festively lighted tree and the many perfectly wrapped boxes underneath it.
Kendall and Rava savor the moment of wonder and innocence and she sits next to him on the couch and leans into him. He kisses her head and they gaze at the glowing tree together.
…..
On December twenty-second, Kendall is at Waystar. He’s here to save Vaulter and he can’t do that without talking to his dad. But he won’t answer the phone and his assistants are denying Kendall at every turn. So here he is. The only way was to come in person. He sits nervously at his desk waiting for any sign that Logan is back on the floor so he can make sure his acquisition isn’t going anywhere. It’s proof he deserves to be here. He glances over to Logan’s office. In there. Heads turn at the sight of him looking out at the floor. He feels self-conscious but strangely proud. They all look away once they've been caught. They've been staring all morning. He bites a nail.
Jess walks into his office. “Hey, Ken?”
He's startled out of his nervous haze and looks up. “Yeah?”
“It’s Rava.”
They exchange the briefest of moments. She hasn’t said that in years. Even though it’s been a few months now, he still gets the rush of remembering she’s calling because she wants to talk to him, not because she’s mad or just to coordinate the kids’ schedules. For a while, it had sent shots of anxiety through him to talk to her- another opportunity to fuck up. But not anymore. He smiles.
“Oh. Yeah, of course put her through.” She turns to go. “Jess- can you just- always put her through.”
She nods with a tiny smile.
“Yeah.”
He picks up the office phone.
“Hey.”
Her voice is honey sweet.
“You didn’t text me back.”
“Oh. Right. Yeah, hang on.” He picks up his phone and reads her latest message. He thought nothing could scandalize him but he’s been proven wrong.
“Wow. Uh… are you going to act that out later, or-?”
“Maybe. How’s everything going? What are the guys saying?”
He’s still looking at the text and now he really doesn’t want to admit that he might have a colossal failure on his hands.
“I- I don’t remember, I’m a little distracted.” She laughs.
“Tell me!”
“It, uh, it- it’s not… great. But I’m figuring it out. I’ll have it by tonight. I will.”
“I’m sure you will.”
“I will.”
It’s like he doesn’t know anyone he doesn’t have to convince.
“I know, Ken. You don’t have to prove it.”
He takes a breath.
“Right, yeah. Okay. I have to go but, yeah, I’ll text you back.”
“Okay.” She knows when work’s not going well, nothing is right in his world. She sounds disappointed and he can’t let that happen either.
“Hey- it’s- it’s five hours til I’m home.”
She can hear him trying and she sighs dramatically.
“Suuuure it is. See you at midnight.”
“I’m coming home at 7:00.” Knowing he’s going home to her makes him feel like he can do this.
“You’ll at least come home before you have to go to some other thing tomorrow, right? I mean, you have to change?”
“Okay. Yeah. See you at 5:00 AM,” he deadpans.
“Ken!”
“I’ll see you at 7:00. Seriously. Maybe we’ll go out.”
“For breakfast? When you get home in the morning?”
He shakes his head.
“Yes. For breakfast. Okay. I have to go save this company now.”
“God, I love how important you are.” He rolls his eyes at the sarcasm but he can hear her smiling and he loves it.
“Bye.”
There’s a tentative knock on the glass and Kendall looks up to see Greg nervously standing at his office door. His voice is muffled as he calls through the glass.
“Uh- hey- hey Ken. Can I come in and talk to you?” He smiles awkwardly. “For a just a- a min? A sec of fam time?”
Kendall’s feeling generous.
“Sure, Greg. Come in,” he calls back. Greg swings the door open.
“H-hey, cuz! What’s up on the anti-corruption, you know, the anti-Roy train?” he attempts.
Kendall gives him a small smile.
“Just anti-corruption. And anti-dictator behavior. What’s up, Greg?”
“Uh, well, you know, just… hangin’ with the fam on the private- private planes and livin’ that high life. I mean, not, like, high. Like not drugs. Not that- uh, I didn’t mean-“
Kendall shakes his head.
“What’s going on?” he asks.
“Um, so, you know the biography of your dad? Michelle Pantsil?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Um, well, I didn’t exactly meet with her, but I did, like, a pre-meet? And-“
Kendall sighs.
“So it was you. And you said some things you can’t take back now?”
“I mean, kind of?” Greg starts. “It wasn’t anything terrible, but maybe things that shouldn’t be in a book? You know? And Tom said Ratfucker Sam is, like, doing research, and apparently he’s not the best guy?”
“Uh, yeah, I mean, Dad’s not gonna love it, man.”
Greg looks panicked.
“Well- well, isn’t there something you can do, or, like-“ he takes in a short breath, “-protect me, maybe? Because I am gonna be able to help you if you win. Or, actually, I can help you win.”
Kendall looks at him.
“Well… I’m not sure what I can do,” Kendall begins.
“I, well, I think you should give me a job if I lose this one?”
Kendall raises his eyebrows.
“No. Dude, come on. If you lose this one? Second choice?”
“I mean, I’m just saying? I have some very, potentially, extremely useful information that I think you could use.”
They look at each other. Kendall thinks about whether he should believe him. He considers the consequences of turning him down and letting the mysterious information stay hidden and the positives of letting it go and staying a small team. He already has one person who’s straddling two sides of the line. But then he considers his dad’s tendency to play as dirty as possible and wonders if he has anything planned to destroy his reputation again. It would be good to have something to stop him this time.
“Okay, Greg. You got it. I think you should leave this side sooner rather than later if you’re going to do it.”
Greg nods.
“Uh, yeah, totally. I- I’m kind of, like, moving up here, though? But also I agree so yeah, yeah.”
The most wishy-washy person alive is on his team, Kendall thinks.
“Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay, well… gotta finish this stuff,” Kendall gestures at the stack of papers on the desk in front of him.
“Right! Yeah! Gotta get to work, for sure.” Greg smiles a nervous smile and backs out of the room. “See ya!”
….
On the afternoon of the same day, a news headline flashes across the PGN screen and Rava’s heart stops for what feels like minutes.
“ACTIVE SHOOTER AT WAYSTAR ROYCO: BUILDING BARRICADED WITH SHOOTER INSIDE”
“What?” Her hands shake as she grabs instantly for her phone and there are tears in her eyes before she can even process it. The most terrifying images and future rip through her mind and she fights as hard as she can to make them stop. The one day Kendall goes back. Was it someone looking for him?? Is he hurt? Hiding? Worse?! She can’t breathe right. The phone rings and rings as she dials his number. He doesn’t answer and she starts hyperventilating as she runs for the car. She calls her driver and manages to choke out “Waystar building, right away, please.”
Her coat half on in the freezing air, she jumps into the waiting SUV and calls him again. When she hears his voice on his voicemail, she starts feeling truly terrified. Why would he not answer his phone in the middle of this?? She doubles over and tries to breathe as heavy rain starts to pound on the car.
Her driver glances back at her but she’s too scared to even try to explain. She dials again, still no answer. Just the voicemail message. She frantically pushes away the thought that that’s how she’ll hear his voice now. She waits to hear the beep.
“Kendall!” She practically yells. “Call me! Call me, please call me and tell me you’re okay. Call me. Ken. Call me. Please.”
The drive seems to take hours. The rain makes the traffic even worse than usual and she curses her lack of recollection of the subway system. She dials Jess and is relieved that she answers on the first ring.
“Hi, Rava,” Jess answers through panting and panic.
“Is Kendall okay?” Rava asks helplessly. "Are you okay?"
“Um-“ Jess sounds like she’s running. “I don’t- I don’t know, I’m being taken to a room somewhere but I don’t see him- but that doesn’t mean anything. Everyone’s running around. I’m sorry!”
“Oh, my god,” she lets out a yelp of true terror. “How is this possible- is anyone- you know?”
“I don’t know, I just heard a shot and some people said maybe more than one? But I haven’t seen anything- um, okay, they’re making everyone hang up so we can hear safety procedures? I’ll call you back as soon as I know anything or if he shows up. When he’s here, I mean.”
Rava covers her mouth. She can hear the blood pounding in her ears.
“Stay safe, Jess! Please call me! I’m coming.”
The beeps to end the call seem louder than normal. Rava panics and dials Roman.
“Oh, good, a connection to what almost passes for civilization,” he answers. She drops her head back for a second and realizes she forgot that Kendall told her he’s been out of the office at management training all week.
“Roman,” Rava starts tearfully. “You don’t know? There’s a shooter at Waystar.”
“Oh, holy fuck, what? Are you fucking with me?”
“No! Kendall’s not answering his phone, Jess is being hidden somewhere and he’s not there. I have to call Shiv.”
“What the f-“ Rava hangs up and dials Shiv. Straight to voicemail like it’s off. She begins to really cry and falls toward the seat. He said he was coming home at 7:00.
The car pulls up and she practically falls out of it trying to get out as fast as she can. Armed guards stand outside and look suspiciously at everyone in sight. Police cars line the street, scattered protesters stare up at the building, news crews are everywhere.
“Excuse me! Is Kendall Roy in there? Is he okay? Where is he?” she calls desperately to the nearest security guard.
“Please stand clear, ma’am. Police orders. This is a crime scene.”
“NO! My husband is in this building and I need to know if he is safe! Kendall Roy.” The guard appears unmoved. “As in Royco?!” She has never talked to anyone like that in her life, but she will do whatever it takes.
“We’ll update everyone when we have more information.”
She practically screams in frustration and calls Kendall again. The rings end early and his live voice sends waves of relief like she couldn’t even imagine over her.
“Hey! Fuck, sorry, I just heard your message and I was going to-“
“Oh, what the fuck,” she sobs into the phone. “Ken! Are you okay? Are you safe? Where are you?”
He sounds like Jess had, being hustled through hallways.
“I’m- yeah, I’m fine, I was making a call on the roof til it started raining and I didn’t even know about this until about a minute ago when these guys came and found me.” He covers the mic. “Excuse me! Where are we going?” he asks the security guards. Rava can hear heavy breathing and yelps and alarms and hurried footsteps in the background.
“Safe room,” Rava hears a guard’s muffled voice through the noise. “With Logan.”
“With- uh- what, no, is there a different-“
“Kendall! Go to the safe room!” Rava yells into the phone. He looks at the phone in surprise and then it really hits him what she must have thought.
“I’m going. Hey, I’m sorry, I’m fine. Really. I mean, it’s possible this was all orchestrated by Dad to get me alone and threaten me.“
Neither of them knows if he’s joking. Rava puts her hand on her face.
“Please. Are you almost to the room? Have they caught the- whoever was-“
“Uh, I don’t know. Not sure, we’re almost there, though.”
“Do not hang up on me,” Rava says sternly, but he can feel where it’s coming from through the phone.
“I won’t. It’s okay. I promise.”
He can’t promise that and she knows it, but hearing it in his voice makes her feel a little bit better. She doesn’t want to be too dramatic.
“Can they just let you out of there? I-“ her breath catches. “-it would be really good to see you right now,” she tries, knowing there’s no way they’re just letting one person out.
“I agree, but they’re not letting anyone out. These guys have the kind of guns Ravenhead loves to talk about.” The door opens in front of him.
“We’re here, head inside, please,” the guard orders.
“Okay, I’m here at the safe room,” he reports to Rava. She’s suddenly beyond exhausted and plops down onto a bench in the wide courtyard in front of the Waystar building.
Kendall steps inside, dreading what Logan’s reaction will be, whether he’ll even let him in. But Logan’s up and striding over as fast as Kendall has ever seen him.
“Kendall!” Rava hears Logan’s voice through the phone. “Are you all right, son? Where were you?”
Kendall can’t believe the embrace he’s getting. He hesitantly hugs his dad back and finds himself wishing against his will that it could last longer.
“Uh- yeah, I’m fine, Dad. I was fine.”
Logan nods and pats his arm before going to sit back down. Kendall takes half a second to remember that he’s still his father’s son, regardless of what’s going on with the company.
“You’re in? You’re okay?” Rava asks nervously.
“Yeah. I’m good.”
“Thank God. Fuck. I don’t-“ she shakes her head. “I don’t think I’ve ever been that scared in my life.” The adrenaline has kept her warm so far but now the cold is getting to her and she zips her coat, gazing up at the building and willing him to come walking out the doors. She longs to feel him against her, to squeeze him and feel his heartbeat.
“I really am sorry, I- I should’ve answered, I was on a call and thought I’d just call you right back and then they came up-“ he begins.
Gerri hangs up her phone and interrupts the moment.
“It was an ATN employee… a suicide,” she tells the room delicately. Kendall glances down and he’s suddenly pulled away from his conversation, from the present moment. He has uncomfortable flashbacks to wondering if anyone would notice. If anyone would care. Logan looks at him for a second and Kendall feels a disturbing connection to know it’s in his head too. The only other person who knew how he used to feel. It’s a wake-up call to see how worried his dad was just now. To hear Rava’s panicked crying at the mere thought. He thinks maybe he’ll never tell her what he used to think about when he was left alone for too long.
“Uh-“ he clears his throat as he and Logan break eye contact and he turns his attention back to the call. “I’m not sure if you heard that… someone- killed himself… at his desk. It’s- it’s him only. No one else.” He wonders what they would have said about him.
“Oh,” she breathes out. “That’s sad… Does that- um, are you coming outside now?” she asks, knowing that’s much too hopeful.
“No, I think we have to be in here a little while longer?” But his head is elsewhere. “Hang on a sec.” He taps one of the guards near the door a bit nervously. “Um. Do you know who it was?”
The guard shakes his head.
“Okay.” He takes a step toward Gerri. “Who was it, do we know?” he asks her.
“A- Mark Johnson?” she says, scrolling through an email from Karolina about the incident. Kendall knew there was a small chance he’d know the name, but he still feels guilty that he doesn’t.
“Oh. Okay.” He wonders if there’s anything that could have been done. The therapists told him there was always something to live for.
“Did you know him?” Rava asks.
“No,” he answers.
But it’s still more upsetting than he’d like to admit. He looks around the room and thinks he should go to talk to Shiv. It’s been a while and he wants to know what’s going on. Maybe she can distract him. Or maybe she can talk. He glances at Gerri and Logan talking to Rhea and wants to make an appearance in that conversation too. If Logan’s going after Pierce, Kendall needs to make it clear that he won’t.
“Uh, I’m going to go make sure everyone else is okay,” he says into the phone. “Yeah? I’ll call you as soon as we get the go-ahead.”
“Oh, okay. I’m right outside for you,” she says. He likes the sound of that. “I’ll see you soon.” She doesn’t like this situation but she knows it could be hours.
“Okay, thanks, Rav. I love you.”
“I love you.”
They hang up and Kendall cautiously makes his way over to the corner where Gerri and Logan and Rhea are talking. He wouldn’t have normally attempted it, but Logan’s concern prompts him to think he might be allowed in.
Gerri’s talking in a low voice about Mark Johnson.
“Apparently he emailed a close friend last week, talking of a ‘culture of bullying.’”
“It’s a newsroom, not a kindergarten,” says Logan as he rolls his eyes. Gerri hesitates.
“Tragically, he also had a history of incidences of – well, not really, mental illness, which he was medicated for through our health plan?”
“Well, let’s hope that doesn’t get out and muddy the waters,” Logan replies darkly.
Kendall feels like someone’s punched him in the stomach and changes his mind about being a part of this. He walks over to Shiv. He wants out of this room and into Rava’s arms.
“Hey,” he starts.
Shiv’s scrolling on her phone and glances up at him, pressing her lips together for a second as she decides on a tone.
“Hey,” she says carefully, with just enough attitude to make it clear that she’s on Dad’s side.
“Can we talk? Like…” he gauges her weirded out reaction. “Actually talk?”
“Um… I guess?” she says as she glances toward Logan.
They move around the corner and she looks at him expectantly.
“So you’re working here now?” he asks.
Her expression turns suspicious.
“Just observing. Why? You know, that’s company information, not for outsiders,” she smiles. He nods and raises his eyebrows.
“Right. But you’re not an outsider?” he challenges.
“Oh! No, I am,” Shiv says with a sarcastic nonchalance.
“So, Rhea,” Logan says smoothly from the other side of the wall. Kendall and Shiv both turn their heads at the sound of his voice moving back into business mode. “Let’s get into it. There’s a price. Let’s cut the bullshit.”
The siblings look at each other warily as they both lean in Logan’s direction to hear better.
“Well, I’m a mere conduit, so feel free to give some numbers, but it’s a hard no from the Pierces.”
“Twenty-one billion.” Shiv looks alarmed and her eyes dart to Kendall. She’s dismayed to see his lack of surprise.
“Why aren’t you more shocked by this?” she asks. “Oh, fuck. You’ve been in contact. This is all an act? Is this why you’re here today?”
“No, Shiv. I’m here because I need to keep up with what’s going on here and I’m not shocked because I’m taking over the company I’ve worked at for seventeen years. I know what Dad wanted to bid.”
“Fuck off, I don’t believe you,” she whispers as they both quiet down to listen to Rhea’s low-key reaction to the staggering number.
“It’s like Shiv said, the cultures just aren’t compatible,” Rhea answers. Shiv gives Kendall a smug look. “It’s an emotional matter for the Pierces. Money is not irrelevant, but how can I put it-?”
Kendall knows Rhea is really here to shut it all down. He makes a split-second decision to call her bluff. Maybe there is no number big enough. Before Shiv or Logan can stop him, he steps back out into the main part of the room.
“-Relevant?” he finishes. Logan and Rhea look up at him and he feels his heart hammering in his chest. “I mean, let’s be honest here. What is it- twenty-one five?”
Shiv runs up behind him.
“Excuse me?” she looks at Logan. His expression is complicated. “Dad! He can’t just say numbers. Can he?” Kendall holds strong and hopes his dad won’t shut him down.
They’re both glued to Logan’s face and Rhea seems reluctantly enthralled by the family drama. Logan’s anger at the move is simmering under the surface, but Kendall can see that he’s grappling. He wants Rhea’s yes more than he wants to shut Kendall down. The moment feels like it lasts a week but finally, Logan nods. Authority approved.
“Bidding against yourself,” Rhea smiles. Kendall’s emboldened.
“Twenty-two,” he says without breaking eye contact with Rhea.
“Jesus, Ken.” Shiv stares at him.
Rhea’s grin continues.
“That doesn’t sound like a real offer.”
“It’s real,” Kendall confirms more confidently. Rhea raises her eyebrows.
“I’ll really have to take this to the Pierces,” she demurs.
“Uh-huh,” Logan says. “Thank you, kids. Rhea, I’m sure I’ll be hearing from you.” His phone rings and he steps away to answer it. “Marcia. Yeah, yeah, fine. Just some ‘mental illness’ fuck…”
Shiv walks over to a couch and calls Tom, leaving Kendall standing with Rhea. He tries to read her face.
“This isn’t what the Pierces want,” he says, as both a statement and a question. Rhea smiles.
“No,” she confirms. He was right. If she’s saying no to twenty-two, there’s no way this is happening.
“Well, frankly, I think you deserve complete transparency. I don’t think my dad should start something he can’t finish. His tenure, as storied as it is, is going to come to an end when I take over. And I agree with you. It’s just not the direction we want to take the company, Sandy and Stewy and I.”
“Mmhmm. Yeah. I understand that. I have a feeling your dad won’t give up until he gets a solid answer from Nan Pierce though.”
“Right,” Kendall says. “Well. I think we can be confident what that answer will be.”
Rhea gives him an enigmatic look. She can communicate with just her eyes and he knows she sees the same future he does.
“It is going to be you, isn’t it?” she says, more as a statement than a question.
He takes a breath.
“Yes. It is.”
She nods subtly. He nods back and she goes to sit down.
Kendall takes a second to collect himself before sliding back down into the current reality of what has happened today. He looks over at Shiv hanging up the phone and thinks he’d really like to try again to connect to her. He cautiously makes his way over to the corner she’s standing in behind the side wall, hidden from the rest of the room. He can’t help himself and lowers his voice.
“Hey. Did Dad promise you… something?”
Shiv tucks her hair behind her ear.
“Nope. No… did he promise you something?” she asks, concern bleeding through her façade of calm.
Kendall decides to keep it vague. The sadness starts creeping up again and sucking away his adrenaline.
“Well. He’s promised me a lot of things.”
“Old news, Ken.”
“I mean, it’s not. Turn on the literal news and they’ve been talking about it.”
“Mmhmm.” Shiv returns to her phone before flitting her eyes back up when she feels that he’s still looking at her. “…What?” she asks.
“Did you know the guy?”
“Who- the guy who- with the gun? No. Why, did you?”
He shakes his head.
“No. Fucking… terrible, though.”
“Yeah,” Shiv shrugs. “Sad,” she adds in an obligatory tone. He’s too quiet. “What’s wrong with you?” she asks.
“I mean, no one knows him, or- cares? Dad was over there talking about publishing his mental illness, like…” She looks at him expectantly. “You know.” She gives him a blank look. “It’s what they would say, Shiv. About me.”
“Well, they’re speculating with him. But everybody knows for sure how fucked up you are,” she jokes. He doesn’t laugh and his eyes stay on the table next to him.
She gives him an uncertain look. The news is really sinking in now and making him more upset by the minute. The fact that an employee brought a gun in the office, the fact that someone in his company killed himself because of policies Kendall could have improved. The idea that more than one person thought he might have been dead today. The things Logan and Gerri would’ve said if he’d gone through with it years ago. The distance between him and his siblings now. It’s too much. He just wants it all to go away for a minute. She sees his face and doesn’t really know what to do.
“Come here. Give me a hug,” he says quietly.
“Wha-?” she starts. He pulls her in and stays there for longer than she’d expect.
“Ken. Hey. That’s not you.” She rubs his back for a second and pulls back to look at him. “Wait, you’re not, like.. thinking of-? Because, you know, Dad would be pissed. Who would he talk shit about to the lackeys?” Kendall has to restrain himself from asking if she’s kidding. She looks at him like he’s crazy. “It is just a company.” He looks at her like she should know it’s not. “It is. Not really worth…” She gestures at him. “…this, you know.” He shakes his head.
“Not the company. Not really. I just… I don’t know. Someone should have noticed something with this guy. They just- should’ve noticed.”
She gives him a long look.
“You wanna talk some more?”
He looks at her and hates that he feels like he can’t trust her to keep it all to herself. He flashes back to holding her as a baby and wants to cry at the thought that he can’t tell her anything. It’s so quiet for a second that they can hear the rain dripping down the windows outside.
“I- I really can’t.”
….
After what feels like an eternity, Kendall finally trudges out of the Waystar doors into the drizzle. Rava’s head snaps up at the sight of him and slides out of the SUV to run across the courtyard and throw her arms around him in her puffy coat.
“Oh,” she whispers. “You’re here.” He lays his head on her shoulder and just lets the news photographers snap their shots. He’s so relieved and lets his shoulders drop. He hadn’t even realized they’d been practically around his ears. She doesn’t let him go for a whole minute and she’s teary again when they separate just enough to walk over and get in the backseat. She’s a little surprised that he’s teary, too. She opens her arms again when they’re inside and the door is shut, enclosing them in the safe, heated interior with tinted windows. He leans into her and stays in her arms the whole way home. He tells her the whole story and she tries to stay even-keeled while telling him her side. When they’re home, she takes him inside, and even though he has to email Stewy to tell him about Rhea and figure out how he’s going to get Roman to tell him the whole truth about PGM as things develop, he’s just feeling emotionally exhausted. So he lets Rava lead him to their room and slowly pull on some pajamas before she guides him into bed and holds him to her. She takes the remote from the bedside table and starts the fire in the fireplace. While the flame shadows dance on the walls, she nestles into him and slowly kisses his cheek, once, twice, three times. He closes his eyes.
Her lips touch his and he needs them to feel like one. He pulls the comforter over them both and rolls her on top of him for a deep and slow connection that they both need after everything they’ve been through since this morning. He needs comfort, needs to give comfort, and she wants to be taken care of after such a dangerous day. He holds her close and they share each other’s air. They’d rather have less oxygen than be more than an inch apart.
They end the day lying still in the light of the fire, wrapped up in each other with no plan to move. They don’t need words to express themselves and he’s grateful just to have time to exist where there’s nothing to prove. She just wants him to lie there with her. Deep tiredness hits him hard after such a taxing day. Even though he has no idea what time it is and is pretty sure it’s still early evening, he lets himself slip into sleep. His even breathing and the way he cuddles up to her in his sleep make Rava feel like utter mush and she kisses his head before she follows after him and floats into sleep.
….
On December twenty-third, Rava wakes up still on her side facing Kendall as he lies on his back. She glances at his phone screen as he scrolls. An Instagram profile full of professional photos, galas, upscale restaurants and bars… she squints a little in her morning haze and sees the username clearly. MarkJohnson.
She blinks and he realizes she’s awake.
“Hey,” he says, closing the app. He looks haunted.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to close it,” she says. “I thought you didn’t know him.”
“Uh, yeah, I didn’t.” He pauses. “Probably should have. I dunno. I wish I had.”
She runs her fingers over his forearm. She’s still getting used to his newfound enlightenment and desire to be the one to help post-rehab.
“Oh, Ken, you couldn’t have done anything.”
He doesn’t love that attitude but he reminds himself it’s coming from not wanting him to feel guilty. He looks at the comforter.
“He sent an email to his friend saying it was a culture of bullying. My company. I could have done something.”
“You can’t control everyone at the company,” Rava sounds too indifferent and it makes him kind of upset. He doesn’t want to say anything. She glances at him. “I mean, you couldn’t have known, his Instagram looks like a lot of fun,” she prompts. He nods.
“Yeah.” They’re quiet for a moment. “I might start a foundation.”
“For this guy-?”
“Yeah, I mean, you know, for people who are struggling. Like… it doesn’t have to end like that.” He considers how differently he would’ve felt if he’d known that in the future he would be lying next to Rava and on his way to taking over Waystar.
Rava’s a little touched.
“Well, that would be nice,” she affirms as she sits up in bed and reaches for his sweater to pull over her tank top.
“Or- something for addicts, maybe. Maybe both. There’s kind of a lot of crossover. You know? Maybe he had a problem. He had a lot of party pictures? I- I was at some of those galas.”
Rava looks back and realizes his voice was wobbling.
“Hey,” she says, laying back down and giving him a hug. “You don’t know what caused it. It was probably complicated.” She pats his back.
Everyone’s so quick to dismiss and he tries not to spill a tear onto the sweater she’s wearing. But she notices.
“Oh, Ken, what’s-“
“Nothing. It’s just- fucking… sad.” He sniffles and sits up. “Yeah, it’s fine.”
She looks at him with concern.
“You sure?”
He shrugs.
“Uh- yeah. I’m gonna get some breakfast… yeah? You want something?”
“Yeah. I’ll be in in a minute,” she says.
He nods slowly and gets up and walks toward their bathroom. She thinks he looks like he has a hundred pounds on his shoulders. She follows him into the bathroom after a minute and finds him leaning against the wall by the sink with the water running and a silent tear on his face.
“Oh,” she pulls him close and he lets her. She turns the water off.
“Uh…” he wipes the tear from his face. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“Nothing’s wrong with you. It’s sweet that you care. It is sad!” She keeps one arm around his waist and touches his face with her free hand.
“It could’ve been- anyone. You know?” He finds himself wishing she did know.
“Sure,” she says.
“Dad’s gonna publish that he was insane because he was on some prescription through the company. You- you know he’d do that to me. He basically already did.”
Logan’s shaming for being a human being never seems to stop, Rava thinks.
“Well,” she says, “that would pale in comparison to the headlines I’d get printed about his Viagra use. And of course his death by daughter-in-law.” Kendall laughs a little through the tears and she squeezes him. “He’s such a…. fuck him,” she says. He nods and tries to get it together.
“It’s okay to fall apart,” she tells him.
He shakes his head.
“Not doing that.” He takes a deep breath and she nods and takes his hand as they walk out to the breakfast table. He sits down and looks at her across the round edge of the breakfast table. “So, tell me what’s going on,” he says. “Something else. It’s- it’s not good for me to think about this anymore.” She gives him a worried look but obliges. She sighs as she forces herself to talk about her situation.
“Well, I called that firm Robert knows to take the case,” she says a little regretfully. Her face is pained. “I- couldn’t handle it on my own I guess.” She smiles a forced smile of embarrassment. “I’m still the attorney of record,” she adds, feeling like she must sound lame, “but they’re mostly handling the day to day now.” She shrugs. “It’s… disappointing. But I’m staying up on it as much as I can. They’re already making more progress with getting documentation.”
He nods and holds her hand. He knows the feeling of failure.
“Well, it’s good for those guys. Tony, yeah? And the other guy?”
“Yeah,” she says reluctantly. “Yes it is.”
“I don’t mean you weren’t good. I mean- you know. If they can solve it. If they can find the guy who disappeared. What’s the resort company called?”
“Um, Triangle Properties.” Kendall thinks for a second about whether he recognizes it. No.
“Uh-huh.”
They look at each other and it sinks in that they have nothing good to talk about at this moment. They pick at breakfast for a few minutes.
“You want to watch tv?” she asks.
“Yeah. That would be good.”
They take their coffees and head into the family room for some low-key zone-out time. She flips on the set and spreads one of the blankets over them both.
“The kids are out?” Kendall asks.
“With Malaya, at the new science museum exhibit. Iverson wanted to go.” Kendall nods. He kind of wishes they were going, too. He could use a distraction and he thinks Rava could, too.
“I’m supposed to have lunch with a couple of the girls today,” Rava says, more like it’s a question than a statement.
“Oh.” Kendall tries not to make his disappointment obvious. “Uh… yeah. Okay."
"I just promised them because it's been so long."
“Right. Sure,” he pushes a smile onto his face. She should have a distraction.
After the show has ended and Rava has gotten ready, she walks over to kiss Kendall, still in his robe in his armchair.
“Don’t go,” he says, only half-serious.
“Ohh, I’ll be home before you know it. But you could have a friend over, too.” She smiles, “or don’t you have any of those?” she teases.
“I have friends,” he insists.
“Outside of business acquaintances?”
“Well, Stewy’s not a business acquaintance.”
“Business partner,” she says as if that distinction is not the point.
He feels regretful for having given up so many of his party friends from the old days, but he’d known he had to do it.
“It was part of rehab to end those other friendships,” he says, trying not to sound annoyed that she would forget that. “You know that.”
“Ken, I’m messing with you. You’re fine.”
“Ivey will build the Lego skyline with me when he gets back.”
“Adult friends, Ken,” she smiles.
“Uh, well, you’re my adult friend,” he says as he purposely looks her up and down.
She smiles a little sadly and glances down at herself.
“Not exactly looking my best these days,” she sighs.
“What? You look good every day.”
She looks at him for half a second and looks away. He can tell her confidence is shaken by the loss of control over the case.
“Come here!” he says lightly.
She walks over and he gently pulls her down to kiss him.
“What are you going to do while I’m out?” she asks him.
“Uh, just work out, and… yeah, I have to call Sandy.”
“Okay. I should probably join you in the gym. Gonna go eat instead,” she’s says in a regretful yet amused voice.
“Hey, stop that. Seriously. I have to work out,” he says seriously. “You know. Every day it has to happen. But that’s my shit.” She nods. “You look hot.” He means it but she laughs it off.
“Okay. Thanks. I’ll see you when I’m back,” she says without a lot of feeling.
….
On December twenty-fourth, the Waystar Christmas party is in full swing. The cocktails are flowing, the festive attire is sparkling, the band is playing, and Rava is grimacing. Kendall looks over and doesn’t miss the expression.
“I know, last place you want to be right now,” he sighs. “It’s only 4:00. We’ll be out of here in no time. I just have to talk to Dad.”
She nods because she gets it and she sighs because she doesn’t want to get it.
Logan’s across the room and she hopes he’s feeling as un-grinch-like as possible. She watches Kendall eyeing him cautiously.
“This is the last chance I have to save Vaulter,” he says nervously. “Next time I see him- I don’t even know. A month? Argestes? It’ll be too late.”
“Oh yeah,” Rava says. “I forgot about that trip.” She always liked it out there, minus all the networking. “Well, go do it. You can get this taken care of and we can go home?”
“Yeah,” he confirms. “You know, it’s kind of fucked up that there’s this party when Mark Johnson…” his eyes fall to the floor for a moment. She squeezes his hand.
“I know. But you’re here to fix the Vaulter situation for all those people. They need you,” she reminds him.
He nods and takes a deep breath and summons the strength to walk to where Logan is standing with Colin not far behind.
She watches from across the room as Kendall approaches his dad. He starts off nice, and she can see his harder business persona come out as she’s sure they’re getting into the nitty-gritty. After a surprisingly brief conversation, Kendall bounds back over to Rava.
“It’s done. I convinced him. He’s keeping it.”
“Just like that?”
“This- this is a new level, I think. I’m playing him, Rav. We’re playing chess. Like equals. He fucking listened to me.”
“He’s listened to you plenty of times before!”
“Yeah- yeah, but this was another level. This was real shit, like- there was respect there. I showed him I did the work, I had the full answer for everything he asked. He said Roman agreed with me.”
Rava pats his arm.
“Honestly, that’s great, Ken.”
He’s basking in the glory of being heard as Rava glances around at the attendees. Her eyes stop when she sees a tall, thin blonde with fake cleavage spilling out of her tight dress walking by and smiling at Kendall.
“Hi, Kendall,” she says in a breathy voice as she passes them.
Rava turns her head and swings it back around to stare at him. He’s looking at his watch.
“Um, who was that?” she asks, eyes a little wider than necessary. He shrugs.
“Nobody, just, uh, some girl I went on a date with last year.” She keeps staring at him. “It was nothing.”
Rava looks down at her corporate-appropriate dress and takes in a bit of a sharp breath.
“Oh. You… went out with her?”
“One time.”
“Oh. Okay.” She raises her eyebrows and wishes for a mirror. He saw her, he asked her out.
“What?” he asks.
“Oh, nothing, you know, just that she can’t be more than twenty-five.”
He shakes his head and tries to brush it off.
“I don’t know how old she is. It doesn’t matter, it was nothing.”
She reaches behind her head to fix her hair.
“Mmhmm. Okay.”
He half-smiles at her. She can’t seriously be worried about this.
“Nothing even happened.”
She grimaces at the idea of anything happening, of him comparing her to that girl. Nothing happened. She wonders if they kissed at the end of the date. The idea makes her sick.
“Nothing?”
“Nothing, I promise.”
She tries to seem casual, like she’s making a joke.
“But you wanted it to, though.”
He looks right at her.
“Actually, I didn’t. She’s really not my type.”
“Right, yes, I’m sure you hate perfect, beautiful, young-”
He smiles.
“Stop. You are perfect, beautiful, and young.”
She rolls her eyes dramatically.
“Oh, right,” she says, walking ahead of him a step. He reaches for her hand and grabs it.
“Where are you going?”
“I don’t know, the dermatologist?”
He shakes his head and laughs.
“Don’t say that.”
She looks back at him.
“Stop smiling!” she insists.
“I’m smiling because this is ridiculous.”
“Oh, you were so miserable without me,” she says in a mocking tone.
He looks at her seriously.
“I was.”
She shifts uncomfortably and he slips his arms around her waist, looking into her eyes. She squirms a little and avoids looking at him.
“Yeah, it’s fine.” She starts moving away and he keeps her there.
“Hey. I mean it, I was.”
She wrinkles her nose.
“Please, I didn’t even look like that when I was twenty-two.”
“I don’t want you to look like that.”
“You asked her out.”
He doesn’t know whether the truth is better or worse.
“Actually-“ He drops his head down and looks up at her. He tells himself not to mention that Rava had a whole pseudo-relationship and tries not to smirk or gloat. “She asked me out.”
She sucks in one cheek.
“Oh, good. A slutty model,” she says semi-seriously.
“I wouldn’t know. One date, Rav.” He gazes at her and she avoids eye contact. “I-I wished she was you. I fucking wished everyone I talked to was you.”
She sighs and finally looks at him.
“Really?”
“Of course, really. Fuck, don’t get all… fake at the doctor.” He shakes his head. “You’re perfect. Come here.” He pulls her in and she leans against him. She’s briefly amused that he’s blissfully unaware of her expertly-done skin treatments.
“Does she know you’re married again now?” she asks in that fake-joking voice again as she squeezes him to her.
“If she reads Page Six.” He still can’t believe she would care about this. “Can we go home now?”
She looks up at him with a small smile and imitates the girl’s voice sarcastically.
“Yes, Kendall.”
He shakes his head again.
“Stop. Let’s go.” He puts his arm around her and they walk out.
….
On December twenty-fifth, Rava hands Kendall a wrapped present after the kids have gone to take post-unwrapping naps. He takes a look at the gift tag.
I thought about sneakers, but this seemed somehow even better. Something for the man who has everything.
The phrase used to be a dark joke to him. He'd thought he had nothing for the longest time and it had always been impossible to explain to anyone but her. He opens the wrapping paper and beholds a well-loved journal.
“It’s my diary,” she smiles. “From the first years we first started dating. I thought you’d like to read what I- well, how I saw you, versus how you saw yourself.”
“I didn’t even know you kept this!” he says with wonder. He opens it up and starts flipping through it, catching snippets on different pages.
If he could take a month away from the Roys, he’d start to see how brilliant he actually is.
I wish I knew how many colors are in Ken’s eyes. I tried to count them once but he blinked. I could honestly look into those eyes forever.
I didn’t know it was even possible to think about someone so much. All I want to do is lie in bed with him every minute. It’s like I physically need him. I don’t know how I’m going to focus on classes when I have to go back to law school next week. I can’t be away from him anymore!
He’s speechless when he looks up at her again. She’s blushing but she’s happy it’s having the intended effect. He glances back down and flips the page one more time.
If Kendall doesn’t propose to me this year I might actually die!!
He chuckles and points to that line, holding it up for her to see.
“Wow,” he laughs. “Good thing I did.”
“Yeah,” she smiles and they gaze at each other. “It is a good thing.”
“This- this is amazing,” he says. “I don’t even- wow.” He looks at her again. “Can’t believe this is real.” He looks down at the book and smiles again. “So, uh, I guess you’re kind of into me.”
“Mmm,” she says as she kisses him. “I guess so.”
He pauses.
“Did you really count the colors in my eyes?”
She smiles.
“Four,” she whispers in his ear.
“Four? No, three.”
“You’re missing the darker green,” she says.
It’s his turn to feel a little hot in his face.
“Okay. So, you’re actually obsessed with me,” he smiles.
“And look how happy you are about it!” she replies.
“You just took out all the bad stuff,” he insists.
She shrugs. “No missing pages!” He flips through the whole thing again. She’s right.
“Okay, I’m absolutely reading every word of this today. But first, I’ll get your gift.”
He pulls out a wrapped gift that’s clearly a frame.
“I don’t know if this is- yeah, this is probably not, you know, great, but- you said you missed when I did art, so…”
She pulls the paper off of a close-up sketch of her smiling in bed, sheets wrapped below her bare shoulders and slightly messy hair framing her face. Sunlight streams through the window behind her.
“How I see you,” he says. “Versus how you see yourself,” he adds.
“I can’t believe you drew this,” she whispers. “It’s so beautiful, I love it. When- when did you even have time to do this?”
He shrugs.
“You know. I made it work. Got the idea at the wedding, the way you woke up,” he smiles. “I just think you should know…” they look at each other. “You know.” She nods. “Come here,” he says quietly.
She cuddles up to him and they wrap their arms around each other. Today, they do have everything.
“Yeah, yeah, I know, Vulcans don’t have friends or red blood or souls, whatever. But you’d think a First Officer would know his captain a little better. I’m sure you could find some logical reason for it if you dug around in between those pointed ears long enough. I mean, when’s the last time you even talked to him about something that wasn’t work?”
Spock is not sure which part of the statement to address first, and his hesitation means that he doesn’t get to speak at all.
“You know what? I probably do know where he is. I’m his friend. But because I’m his friend, I’m not gonna tell you. You can go find him yourself. Godspeed, hobgoblin.”
