#old diary entry

[gildedspurtle]

Dappled by soft light The small distance between us Speaks only of time (Image: old visual diary entry)

[blackkat15]

From an old diary.

My brain: Oh hey Kat it’s a cute and relatable boy. Me: Bitch you know what happened last time? My emotionally unstable ass ruined a relationship. My brain: But he’s cute. Me: BITCH. My brain: Single BITCH.

[100anspourtouttedire]

when you're so hopeless that you're hopeful, when you think this is your last chance to make yourself a part of the world, when you cry but these are tears of joy, when your life hasn't begun yet but if you make the right choices it might finally be yours, I feel that

[100anspourtouttedire]

you won't be cruel for not loving me forever, it's okay, it can happen, it happens all the time

[thatbutcaffeinated]

that girl on February 14, 2014

If there was one thing I learned today, that is:

"This is the day when you are 3x sadder than you really are [or] 3x happier than you really are."

Nothing bitter. Just a fact of life that I heard from a radio jock. A realization that's too obvious to ignore.

It's always best to be in love every single day possible and not just on the 45th day of the year.

Keep a happy heart! :)

This girl today: Oh how I wish we kept that same thought. To not have been taken over by skepticism. To not have so much hate and unexplained prejudice. I bet you're still there somewhere. Maybe don't go out yet? Make me change my mind but today's Valentines is just a tad too pretentious for me and you are too sweet of a soul to see it.

[s-hooting-s-tar]

the thing about uncertainty is that it can drive you into overthinking or becoming overly optimistic about the future. i cannot determine what's the wrong or right way of action when it comes to it. you see, when you exercise caution, you prevent the risk of unnecessary pain. you'd then think that maybe this is better. but the moment you become comfortable with that, you've already paved the way for fear to creep in and gradually consume you. you start believing that it's better, that it's safe here in this small circle where you don't dare take a step. the only one you can hold accountable when things go wrong is none other than yourself, which i think is a heavy burden to carry. this has always been the case for me. either way, there will be consequences for any choice. there will be letting-go's and pain attached to any path. and yes that's life. that's how you attain growth. you make yourself better regardless of the misfortunes and unpleasant circumstances. unless you choose to stay the same weak person over and over again, never processing the lessons and learnings. so... i'm wondering about my choices. am i any better than my past self? am i a coward for being passive aggressive when it comes to _? the disregard, the silence, the distance. i find that the questions keep piling up unanswered. the coping mechanism that works is actually pretty simple: pushing them all aside and pretending they aren't there. i get on with my life inside that protective bubble. too fearsome are the things outside of my comfort zone. and it leads me back to the question if i am stronger now. i'm scared to admit that the answer is no.

[viahsinterlude]

"there isn't enough time in the day for self-pity and self-evolution"

[undertensed]

i love it when you speak. the timbre. the lasps between words. the cadence. the shifting of ur gaze. away, then back to me. the tiny smirk you do when you say something cheeky. or when you’re about to unravel the labyrinth in your mind. we talk easy. even when we’re silent, we’re comfortable. then, the moments when you and i both get self-conscious of what we say. shy smiles, avoiding glances, fidgeting. we’re both awkward.

but i’m sure it’s only because deep down, we want the same thing.