#oldbeforehell

[beforehefell]

Official cover page for Before He Fell Written By DeadlyElixir (Lixi) Drawn By LittleMissChris

Chris is a 18+ artist so please do not visit her blog without being 18+. @such-a-lazybones

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[beforehefell]

“Dr. Gaster, please! We are so close to-“

“We’re stopping! If you keep pressing the issue, Alphys, I will remove you from the project entirely.”

“… I… I … Yes…sir”

☟🕆💣✌☠ 💧❄🕆👎✋☜💧 ☜☠❄☼✡ ████

Alphys was confused on my choice to cease the tests, since we were making a lot of progress. It took much self-restraint to not tell her the truth. Despite everything, I still didn’t trust Alphys with the knowledge of the human’s ghosting.

I do not know which I worry about more, the negative impact it would have on Alphys’s mental state or that Alphys may try something in a bout of guilt. Either telling someone about the human or trying to kill her as an act of kindness. Neither would have a favorable result.

So I told her only that I had other things I needed to focus on and she did as well. The human would still be there and it would only benefit the SOUL for more rest. There is also the fact we were beginning to draw attention to our research, something that at this time should be avoided.

She tried to press the issue, expressing how she felt that a few more tests could yield the results we are looking for. That we are close to a breakthrough. I knew she was right, which only makes me feel worse about how I snapped at her. She was clearly hurt, since we have grown close over the years. I do respect her work and I know she still looks up to me as her mentor.

It will take some time to repair the damage I did, but I will gladly take an injury such as that if it means giving the human a chance to heal.

...If she can heal.

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[beforehefell]

Gaster stepped into the chamber and called out for the human to appear.

She shifted into view, ragged looking and worn. She didn’t hover anymore, instead she just stood in the middle of the chamber.

“Good evening.”

“Hello, Doctor.” She signed weakly, her eyes haze filled as they always were now, a sign of the loss within.

“How do you feel?” He asked, a sentence he had begun to ask during his visits as of late. His guilt starting to manifest in the words. He wanted to see her reply with a joke or a smile…

Instead…

She seemed to stare through him, her head lolling slightly, a few minutes passed before she reacted to his question. Finally she seemed to hear the question and began to move her hands, her fingers quivering as the signs were depicted, “Tired. Weak.” She blinked slowly, “Tired.”

“You said tired already.”

“Oh... may I sit?”

Gaster’s fist shook at his side, “Yes. You may.”

Her image flickered as she walked, going to his desk. Walking was a good sign, that she was focused enough to remember to do the act instead of simply shifting her position to the chair. The act of wanting sit did not allow him to feel any ease though. She seemed to think it helped to sit, that it would relieve the strain she felt.

His chest felt tight when he saw her try to pull the chair out, her hand shifting through it. She stared at her hand in confusion, fighting to understand why it had not moved as it should. Another repeating act, for her not remember her form was a projecting and not real.

Gaster quickly pulled the chair out for her, so as to cease the heart wrenching scene.

She didn’t give any notice to him, simply sitting. Thankfully she did not phase through.

For a moment, she almost looked normal, alive. Yet the empty gaze, the dark haze the acted as a filter over her eyes, were sign enough of the lack of life within.

“Human…”

Another moment, then she looked up at him. He felt uneasy, being taller than her so he knelt, coming to eye level with her.

“We… Another fragment is needed.”

Minutes passed, she seemed to stare through him, then her gaze dropped and she nodded.

“Are you afraid?”

Another pause, for the first time in a long while, he saw expression in her face. She raised her gaze back to him and they shone with the hint of tears in them. She nodded.

That was it, the last string of Gaster that held any interest in research snapped.

“No… I… no more. No more tests. No more fragments. This stops.”

Perhaps she registered the importance, but she reacted quickly.  She shook her head, a begging expression on her face, “No.” her hands said.

“What?”

“Help... I’m helping…. Saving… them.”

As if waiting until this moment, her slap from so long ago finally struck him, as the words translated in his mind. He shook his head, shaking the pain of it off, “You have, you’ve done so much, but this is done. The tests are going to stop. You… you need to rest. To heal” To come back.

He wanted her to understand he was sorry for what he had done to her. He wanted her to heal. For there to be some way to reverse what he had done. To save whatever was left of her.

He felt a warmth start to fill him. His eyes, despite him trying to remain calm, had begun to glow in an attempt to comfort himself. The colored glow gave way to a soft purple, a sign of the helplessness he felt in the moment. He tried to calm himself, but it only caused the glow to increase, the color becoming more intense.

She shifted, staring at him with what was almost interest. The glow, it seemed to be pulling her from her haze, if only a bit.

Gaster stopped fighting the feeling and let the light show, hoping it could help ease her as it should his own panic.

For a moment he saw something in her eyes, like she was aware of him. Then… her head tilted and she smiled. It was a shadow of the bright smiles she once had but it was the first Gaster had seen for months. He smiled back, though it was a weak smile. It was a sign she was still there, that she was still trying to be strong.

She lifted her right hand and reached to touch his cheek.

For an instant, Gaster anticipated the touch, but it shifted through him as it did with everything.

She stared at her hand in confusion yet again, holding it in front of her. Trying to understand something she had once known so well. The awareness that had been in her eyes now gone.

Gaster reached up with his hands and grasped hers, he held them there though her hand melded through his. His head bowed.

“I’m sorry. I am so, so sorry.”

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[beforehefell]

☟🕆💣✌☠ 💧❄🕆👎✋☜💧 ☜☠❄☼✡ ████

Her SOUL has reached high enough stability for another fragment to be taken…

Alphys is eager to continue, wanting to gather it as soon as the vitals showed this. The effect of the research is not as damaging to her as it is to me, since she does not know the truth. Perhaps my choice to keep her in the dark was for the best, EXP is only gathered when an act of cruelty is knowingly done…

Despite her eagerness, I was able to convince her to hold off one more day…

I must see if there is anything left of the human’s mind.

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[beforehefell]

The hum of the Core gave no solace to the doctor during his latest visit.  The floor of the observation desk was littered with the burned out buds of cigarettes, the newest one still burning in his fingers as he stared at nothing, his back to the glass that looked out into the main processing area of the Core.

His mind filled with the image of the human, or what was left of her. She had become a husk of what she had once been. All signs of the bright, laughing girl gone.

He grasped at his face, trying to force the images from his mind. His mind was reeling.

Did she hate him? Was she even capable of feeling anything anymore?

Gaster had only tried to do what he felt was best, to do what would save his race. Yet, in trying to distance himself to no longer be compromised, he had lashed out. He should have foreseen the effects of the fragmenting. At the very least, he should have stopped when he saw them beginning.

Yet the data, the results of the research… he had been so eager to see what could be done. The information that they were gathering was so promising.

He slumped against the glass, causing it to vibrate and the magic mist on the other side reacted in turn, sensing him on the other side. It went unnoticed by Gaster as he gripping his chest where his SOUL resided within. It felt heavy, yet numb. He knew why… he had done his best to ignore it, but no longer could he be ignorant to the growing weight of EXP on his SOUL. It frightened him, knowing that he could lose the defining aspect of a monster, compassion, if he continued his path. How long until his LV finally went up? Did he have a choice though… was one nearly dead human worth more than an entire race?

He slid down the wall and sat on the floor, trying to rationalize it… and failing.

Was everything he learned worth the cost? Her body could survive, even the SOUL, but the defining part of her… her mind… her memories… if those were lost… it was no different than killing her outright. Even if all monsters were saved in the process… could Gaster be proud of what he had done?

It had been so different, when she was just a corpse. An object to be studied. Yet, now that he knew her, no matter how hard he tried; he could not fool himself into forgetting that she was alive, or had been. He could not deny the fondness he had developed for her, after seeing how hard she tried to understand his works or her attempts to get closer to him with bad jokes or…

He sighed, burying his face in his hands, the built up ash of the cigarette finally falling from the force of the motion.

What he was doing at this point was no different than as if he were experimenting on Alphys or any other monster…

His mind screamed, being split between his obligations and his guilt.

“I… don’t know if I can keep doing this…”

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[beforehefell]

💧⚐🕆☹ 💧❄🕆👎✋☜💧 📄⌛🖲

Yet another fragment has shattered…. They are lasting for shorter periods of time… while time between each new harvest is becoming longer as the specimen’s SOUL takes longer to heal.

…

I… I don’t know if I can harvest another.

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[beforehefell]

☟🕆💣✌☠ 💧❄🕆👎✋☜💧 ☜☠❄☼✡ ████

Her form continues to decay. Her eyes losing the luster of life they once held.

We’ve gone through several fragments, each time she tries harder and harder to stay aware; a heavy haze has developed in her eyes, clouding any signs of life within her mind.

It is hard to remember she could once smile, as it grew weaker and weaker over time until it seems she has forgotten how to express emotion. Though despite my best efforts to tell her to rest, she still tries to assist me, forcing herself to appear whenever I visit. I am not sure she even knows why anymore... I don’t even know why…

Her SOUL heals after each fragment is taken, but her mental state seems to degrade in return.

…

The research is… No… I am killing her.

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[beforehefell]

💧⚐🕆☹ 💧❄🕆👎✋☜💧 📄🗄📂

There are further signs of something similar to perseverance within the SOUL yet our limit has been reached with the current method, the signs are so faint it is impossible to track this substance.

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