Motivation or a lack of.
I've hit a hump. A hump in my general life that tells me maybe my job isn't right, maybe I'm not happy, maybe I can't skate, maybe I'll never pass minimum skills and maybe all our new fresh meat will progress much faster than me. Suffice to say I've had a bad week. 3 very busy and intense shifts at work pushing me to my very limits physically and mentally. I'm in agony. I finished my last shift Monday morning and 2 days later, the morning of my next shift, everything still hurts. It hurts to stand, walk, lift and turn. So another shift like the others tonight could really be difficult. I think this is like the "6 months itch" where I've worked at my job for a certain length of time now to have worked out what's good about it and what's bad about it. Mr B hates my job. He hates that every week I work something different, he hates the nights, the fact I have to work Christmas etc. He's not a fan. And although currently I'm re-evaluating what I want from my job I know what I don't want; boredom. I have the attention span of a 4 year old and get bored very quickly so I personally don't feel certain types of nursing are for me. So I trawl through nhs jobs on a regular basis just waiting for the perfect job to appear. So that's work. In regards to roller derby I feel I will be a rookie for the next 5 years. I've been skating now since February and I can't crossover. I think if I could master crossovers I'd feel I've achieved something but I definitely feel I've plateaued. And then that gets in my head and I over think new skills so much I convince myself I can't do them. Then I get upset and it's all poopy. Our team has a 66% attendance requirement for rostering to A and B teams. At this point that's not an issue as I'm not there yet but I'm worried that my job will make me miss out on these opportunities. I think I'm just very grumpy because I hurt so much :( Bones out.