#olivestextposts

[olive-ear]

if I loved you more I would burst

[olive-ear]

so very very happy lately. 

[olive-ear]

so, i feel like i need to express this. not particularly because i want the world to know or anything like that, i just feel i need to let it out and i feel like now is the time. so, for the past, almost 3 months, i’ve been dating this guy. we met on a dating site which is a bit cringey but things just clicked and we got on so well and i thought he was fantastic. in fact, it was the first time in a very long time i was actually seriously interested in someone. he was good looking, smart, funny, caring and made me feel like i was special. he made me feel so wanted and happy. we had so much fun together, went out on dates, partied together, got drunk and high together, we met one anothers friends and texted pretty much constantly when we weren’t together, basically everything 2 people in a relationship do together. except he would never call it that. i questioned it a few times, because although we acted like a couple and it wouldnt have made any difference, i just wanted him so much and i wanted to be able to say he was mine because i certainly was his. but he told me he wasn’t “ready” because of a few different reasons, mainly because his previous girlfriend had cheated on him and it makes him very possessive and jealous. so i accepted that because i was willing to wait for him because i thought he was worth it. i was so faithful to him and i would genuinely have done anything to make him happy because i thought the absolute world of him. he promised me he was being faithful to me and that he wanted me and that he just  needed time. so i waited. but after a while, it changed. only within the last few weeks, i realised that he was starting to act less affectionate towards me and something just wasn’t the same.in a morning, he’d reach straight for his phone whereas he used to wake up and reach out for me to cuddle me. i noticed he was being secretive with his phone where as he never was before. i noticed him texting another girl, but being the stupid, naive and trusting person that i am, i didn’t think anything of it. then i tagged him in a photo and he deleted it almost immediately, but said it was because he didnt want his friends asking questions. i noticed him texting her again when i was with him. we were supposed to be having a “date night”, just me and him. i took him out for dinner to say sorry for acting a little off with him recently and for being paranoid he was talking to someone else. i got really suspicious and came to the conclusion he had met someone else, so my friend added her on facebook and that’s when everything fell into place. the girl messaged me and asked me what had been going on between me and him and explained that they had been together for over a year. i was so shocked. i was hurt and felt an awful sense of guilt that i’d been dating someone elses boyfriend. i was the “other woman”, the one everyone hates for messing with someone else’s man, but i had no idea. it just didn’t make sense how he managed to lie so well for so long, and how anyone could have it in them to hurt two people so badly. so anyway, here i am now, they’re still together and i’m trying to move on. we talk, as friends, but its not the same. i wish i could hate him, but i can’t. truth is, i just want him to want me again. 

[olive-ear]

on friday night my best friend sent a video of me getting with a lad to my cheating ex boyfriend. i dont know whether to find it funny or be absolutely horrified. mostly horrified. yes. definitely horrified.

[olive-ear]

feel like everything anyone says to me lately is a complete lie all because of what you’ve done. never knew something could mess with my head so much.

[olive-ear]

maybe it’s not about who you love, maybe it’s about who makes you happy

[olive-ear]

the hardest thing isn’t missing someone. it’s missing someone that doesn’t exist. missing the person you thought they were now they’ve turned out to be something completely different. the person you cared about doesn’t even exist anymore and in fact, never did.

[olive-ear]

finally found someone i was ready to love again and it was all a massive fucked up lie. it doesn’t make sense to me how someone could ever be so hurtful. it is not difficult to be honest and faithful.