#ominous optimism

[olom-eats-rock-candy]

The rat king has returned as my employment grows ever shorter. Almost a month until I no longer know what I should do and my attempts to sleep are futile and weak.

The rat king whispers "You will survive, it is inevitable and right that you continue."

It's sleek fur and many bodies drape around my shoulders.

A hug from a friend I thought long lost

It's the only way I'll sleep tonight.

[olom-eats-rock-candy]

Everything seems more tolerable after waking if I pretend it's a ritual to placate a nebulous entity.

Gotta stretch to keep my body flexible? Ritual dance so the Entity will not take my joints.

Gotta cook a safe meal? The Entity must be sated.

Gotta shower and brush teeth? The Entity demands the cleansing of dreams.

Gotta do some writing in whatever story I'm working on? The Entity must be entertained.

Whatever keeps me moving

[olom-eats-rock-candy]

I feel exhausted trying to keep positive. Not in a "everything has to be sunshine at all times" way. In a "the world is faintly grey and cold despite the cheerful sun" way.

But good things still happen and I will log them in my head and heart.

So for today/yesterday (sleep schedule is weird) when a zookeeper struck up a short conversation with me over my witch hat, I will remember that and smile.

When a stranger stops me to say they really enjoy my whole vibe, I'll let that warm me.

When the grackles hop around me in the parking lot but don't fly away in alarm, I will note the way the male's black feathers shimmer in the afternoon sun. I will appreciate the smooth browns of the female grackles feathers.

I am so tired and I am not immune to the weight of my sadness.

But I will find little moments like these and hoard them in my heart like a dragon.

And I will take these little points of light and try to spread them.

[olom-eats-rock-candy]

The rat king returns in my hour of need. They give me the assurance that my joys are not false for being fleeting and my sorrow is not true for its enduring nature.

Then their majesty arrange their many bodies in a heap and ask that I brush them before sleeping

[olom-eats-rock-candy]

Can't sleep because stress and anxiety are eating away at me again.

I have searched for the rat king who carried me through the past year but his majesty has yet to return from the hidden sanctums of his rodent ancestors.

This, I fear, means I shall have to counsel myself in his royal eminence's absence.

So with the power the rat king vested in me when taking me as his ward, I am decreeing that it is okay to let yourself unwind, to free yourself from the anxiety, to unclench my jaw and stretch before sleeping

[olom-eats-rock-candy]

The rat king has been on vacation, or ... on campaign ... It's unclear. His manifold voices are difficult to parse when they disagree.

But he returned, blood drying on his many bodies from wounds incurred on his trip.

I'm so glad he's returned in my time of sleep deprived need. It's much easier to work through my tangled thoughts with help

[olom-eats-rock-candy]

I had a really bad anxiety day.

The rat king curled up in my nest with me and held me while I did my best to breathe through it.

We nibbled on snacks and watched anime all day.

[olom-eats-rock-candy]

Thinking about putting up a donation barrel at work and labeling it "For the Time Being"

And drawing an ominous mascot for it.

Obviously it would go to a local food bank and all but I like the idea of slogans like Show Kindness... For The Time Being"

Or "Your Generosity Is Noted ... For The Time Being"