In the living room, they are playing a movie at the loudest decibel. I could simply close my door and pretend that I don’t hear airplanes in my house. But to be filled with silence is such a depressing thought to me right now. I would rather welcome all sorts of songs, small & fast, loud & little, rather than sit in complete silence aka emptiness.
The month of April is well...an apricot. One sweet bite and spring festoons herself into my teeth like I am more than human and not at the same time. At the beginning of the month, I was exhausted. Sleeplessly moving from day to day. I was overworking myself. Stressed to the nth degree.
But then yesterday, I listened to my inner voice--and she was telling me to take the day off work. I felt bad for calling in sick. But I wasn’t lying when I said I was sick. I had a stress headache; I also had stress dreams. All of yesterday, I did nothing but binge-watch Gilmore Girls while organizing my computer. Daydreaming of what it would be like to finally receive my new Mac laptop.
I went back to work today... with donuts and coffee. Coffee for myself, donuts for my students. I worked until the last school bell rang, unusual but not as soul-sucking as I had thought. Perhaps it helped that the night before, I had dreamed about working full-time with a certain grade. Perhaps it was the dream that planted this seed of feeling satiated with purpose.
I have eaten the apricot loom and am excited for the weekend. I have decided to spend my weekends on my creative projects such as my songs and paintings; I have also decided to change my thesis mid-semester and I am more excited for this new direction because it has a more narrow focus. It isn’t spastic and full of nervous energy now.
It is carrying on later than I had anticipated though. My sweet bite of new things and even newer love are letting me bask later in the evening, perhaps even moving me closer to midnight. Oh, how I want to taste midnight: the imperial dark cloak she is. In the lightness of my room, it is an opposition or a window of contrast. A punk dressed in corporate clothes. A wild child with the latest technology and fashion sense.
