“I know we don’t always get clean breaks, clarity. Things happen. Life happens. We forget each other, but we don’t. What I would like is for folks to say goodbye more often. It is so easeful for my body. Say goodbye, say hello–know that neither of these expressions guarantee any kind of permanence. What they do is show compassion and respect for the other person and the relationship. I want to be loved at the end. It feels good to say goodbye properly.”
she never even scratched the surface of me. none of them did.
mr. perfectly fineノmy boy only breaks his favourite toysノforever & alwaysノpeterノyou're losing meノthe smallest man who ever livedノthe 1ノlomlノyou're losing me (x2)ノpeter (x2)ノhauntedノevermoreノexile ノthe 1ノpeterノwhite horseノhauntedノlomlノmr. perfectly fine ノso long, londonノexile ノso long, londonノit's time to goノexile ノlast kissノevermore
so according to you, what is ghosting? (your last post)
okay so, controversial take apparently
the post was basically about friendship that can exist without constant updates, that love doesn't have to be loud or daily to still be real.
and my first reaction was: wait… but that isn’t even ghosting. not to me at least !!!
because when I think of ghosting, I think of silence with finality (emphasis on finality). the kind of silence that stretches and stretches and never snaps back. not for a few days. not for a week. but for months ??
maybe it’s just the way I was raised, or the friendships I’ve been lucky enough to grow into. but some of the people I love most in the world — people I’ve known for six, seven, eight years — we don’t talk every day. sometimes not even every week. but that doesn’t make them any less mine. it doesn’t make our friendship less real. it doesn't make me feel less loved. because the love has settled deep into the roots, beneath the surface. I don’t need to see the leaves every day to know the tree is still growing.
some of my closest friends and I will go two weeks without saying a word. then out of nowhere, I’ll get a text that says, “OH MY GOD, I need to show you something,” and it’ll be a cat or a fucking freud meme (😭) and it never feels awkward, not the way people have tried to make me feel about this.
and I know that dynamic won’t work for everyone. some people need more check-ins, more regular connection, more “proof”. and that’s valid. but it’s not how I operate.
and it got in my head lately and it made me start doubting myself, doubting the way I love people. so I went to my friends — all of them. people I’ve known since I was thirteen, ELEVEN, or even recently sixteen. I apologized. I said, “I’m sorry I haven’t been around. I’m sorry if I’ve ghosted you.” and do you know what happened?
they all got mad at me 😭😭
every single one of them — every last person I apologized to — told me not to be ridiculous. told me to never say that again. because to them, that wasn’t ghosting. that was just… us. that was the way we’ve always loved each other and there was never a question about it.
like 😭😭
and I want to be clear that like this isn’t an attack. and I don’t want anyone to feel like I’m targeting them or shutting down their version of connection, because I’m not. I love my friends — all of them — even if they disagree with me on this. love doesn’t require perfect agreement. it makes room for different needs, different rhythms, different ways of being.
but what I’ve realized, especially lately, is this: the people who’ve really known me — the ones who’ve seen me through every version of myself from eleven to nineteen, from the loud and messy to the shattered and quiet — those people know my heart. they’ve seen the most broken parts of me. they’ve sat with the sadness I never showed the world. and they still stayed. still loved me. still called me theirs.
and maybe that’s the biggest lesson I’ve learned this year: that I don’t have to explain myself over and over to be worthy of love. that the people who’ve stood by me all this time, who’ve known every version of me — they’re the voices that matter most.
and I’m not going to let anyone make me feel bad about this again.
