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life may be sad, but it’s always beautiful.
the son of neptune, rick riordan / encyclopedia of an ordinary life, amy krouse rosenthal / dead poets society (1989) dir. peter weir / romain gary / @arthoesunshine on tumblr / tales from earthsea (2006) dir. goro miyazaki
Hello, I was wondering if you had any webs of being grateful for every moment/the small things in life/life itself/contentment
@podencos \\ barbara crooker red amaryllis (via @serratedpens) \\ camille guthrie another instance: "beautiful poetry" \\ mary oliver (via @petaltexturedskies) \\ mary oliver felicity: "i don't want to lose" (via @lostlibrarycard) \\ mary oliver why i wake early (via @louisegluck) \\ mary oliver devotions: "august" (via @ouugg)
link to my kofi
I thought I appreciated every moment, but sitting here in the cold, I know I took it all for granted. And how could I not? Until everything topples, we have no idea what we actually have, how precariously and perfectly it all hangs together.
— Blake Crouch (Dark Matter)
Inspiration
I make better songs when I have the keyword or lyrics ready. Say you really love this beat or piano melody. It’s so good that you start humming to it. You think you’ll have this amazing song. But then I have nothing to say! And sometimes you end up with these forced lyrics, while trying to find the words that match the beat. So ultimately, songs that already have lyrics or a keyword turn out better, making a song that I’m able to like for a long time. [...] So in the case of BTS songs, I already have a melody or key word to start from, and I use my imagination to give flesh to the song. This is honestly easier and more fun to do.
— RM, interviewed by Jimin for ‘BE-hind Story’ (27 February 2021).
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Actually, [for ‘Stay’] it was me who started writing the lyrics before Namjoonah, did you know? I did set the direction. At first I didn't write the chorus part, and only wrote lyrics for the intro. It went something like, "Is this a dream? This seems to be a room." And Namjoonie liked it, so we developed it from that to what we have now.
— Jin, interviewed by Jungkook for ‘BE-hind Story’ (27 February 2021).
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Thank you so much to our members who wrote songs for this album.
And for saying that my ideas were great while writing lyrics, for saying that he had a rough time starting but could finally start with what hyung wrote as a topic, thank you so, so much, especially, to our Namjoonie who gave such beautiful words.
— Jin, in the BE ‘Thanks To’ notes.
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I get motivated and inspired by seeing you always working hard, even in your spare time. Please keep contributing with your good style, melodies, and lyrics. Fighting, always. I love you.
— RM's voice message to Jin, from the Winter Package 2021.
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See also:
Impostor Syndrome | On Jin’s feeling of inadequacy following the success of ‘Dynamite’ and the importance of RM’s comments on Jin’s role in his creative process.
Impostor Syndrome
“I started to wonder if I deserve any of this.” — Jin
Jin appeared to me to be quite down while promoting ‘Dynamite’. He was more subdued than usual, not talking or joking around much. His eyes seemed to have lost their lively spark. I wondered why that was.
To get at what might be going on, I tried to pinpoint the last time he acted normally. He seemed his usual self while shooting the MV, while reacting to it, and even on September 1st, on the V Live celebrating their #1 in the Billboard Top 100, on Jungkook’s birthday.
But from then on, and until very recently, Jin didn’t seem to be doing so well. I’ve been paying attention to all the recent interviews, to try and get a glimpse of his inner state. Today, the much awaited Weverse individual interview afforded me that chance.
JIN: [...] Before our debut, I had a clear goal: to debut. I chased after that one goal. [...] But now, my goal is to live without overthinking anything. Maybe it’s not really a goal but a kind of defense mechanism.
Q: A defense mechanism?
JIN: As you get thinking, you might somehow undermine yourself. So, as long as I don’t think too hard, I can work hard right now. Maybe that’s why I called it a defense mechanism: If I stop and think about it, I might have too many ways to put myself down.
Q: But if you imagine someone else were to have accomplished the same things you have, wouldn’t they think they deserve to feel proud?
JIN: That’s true, but I’m also one of seven members of BTS. Thinking about what I’ve done as an individual feels like a burden to me. Up until we finished working on Map of the Soul: 7, I wasn’t burdened but felt, “Okay, we all did a good job. I’m happy with this.” But after getting “Dynamite” to the top of the Billboard Top 100 and starting down this new road, I started to wonder if I deserve any of this.
Q: But you experienced a lot of big things before. What made you think that way this time?
JIN: I was waiting for the chart position to come out all day, and then right before bed, Namjoon sent a message to our group chat. That’s when I realized we were number one! I was really happy, but something felt different. Maybe it was because we couldn’t see our fans. After “Dynamite,” we got even more love from even more people, and even when I was walking down the street, people would say things like, “I’m a big fan of yours,” or, “Thank you for introducing Korea to the world.” Then I started to think, “Do I deserve all this congratulations and love? That’s not me—I’m not that kind of person.” I got over it a bit, but even until a few days ago, the pressure was so intense that I couldn’t get any work done.
Q: How did you move away from all that pressure?
JIN: I just moved on. Like with COVID-19, we all have to wait and stay put until everything gets better. And actually, after “Dynamite” made number one, we got really busy, so I was able to think less about other things and basically avoid them that way, all those questions about life. I think that’s how I endured.
It seems that in the last couple of months, and prompted by breaking through these greater heights, Jin fell back on his feelings of inadequacy. He seems to have questioned not only how much he deserves this new praise, but how much him personally is deserving of it, when he’s just “one of seven members of BTS”. How much has he done as an individual member to deserve all of this? Are his personal contributions really that valuable? Or is he just bumming a ride on this rocket that is BTS, and collecting the fruits of the others’ hard work and talent?
His current struggle appears to echo the one he sang about in Wings (2016) final track, ‘Awake’:
I’m just walking and walking, among this darkness My happy times asked me this question You, are you really okay, it asked me Oh no
I replied, no, I’m so afraid Still, I hold the 6 flowers tightly in my hands I, I’m just walking, I said Oh no
But it’s my fate It’s my fate Still, I want to struggle and fight
Maybe I, I can never fly I can’t fly like the flower petals over there Or as though I have wings Maybe I, I can’t touch the sky Still, I want to stretch my hand out I want to run, just a bit more
‘Awake’ was the first song Jin participated in composing. And while RM wrote the lyrics (except for the first two lines, brought to them by "Hitman" Bang), he’s stated how he believes the lyrics represent Jin himself, too.
Jin’s arc in the albums and the band has been a beautiful one, as the inspiration for and manifestation of the “LOVE MYSELF” message. He remains to this day its great ambassador, as can be seen by his 2020 ONU address:
Thinking about the future and trying hard are all important. But cherishing yourself, encouraging yourself, and keeping yourself happy is the most important. In a world of uncertainty, we must cherish the importance of “me”, “you” and “us”. That is the message of “LOVE MYSELF” we talked about for three years. It’s the message in the lyrics of our song ‘Dynamite’: “I’m diamond, you know I glow up.”
— Kim Seokjin, in BTS (방탄소년단) Speech at the 75th UN General Assembly (23 September 2020).
He compares himself to a precious stone again in his descriptions of the BE concept photos:
The point of this room, which is bedecked with gems, is that you can never tell what's a jewel and what isn't. I was overwhelmed by the sight of this gemstone, but turns out it was me all along. Have you forgotten along the way that each one of you is a unique and precious gem?
— Kim Seokjin, in BTS BE Concept Photo.
Jin spoke again of the topic of self-love while interviewing with Rolling Stone India (October 2020):
Q: Jin, what made you want to address self-acceptance and insecurity as an artist with tracks like “Epiphany” and the album series Love Yourself? The lyrics on “Epiphany” even say ‘I’m the one I should love.’ Where do you see yourself now on this journey of self-acceptance?
JIN: Self-acceptance and insecurity are topics that I honestly didn’t want to address. I didn’t want to reveal my dark side, but talking to our Chairman and producer Mr. Bang helped me open up. I think I have now accepted that part of me, and learned to understand and love myself.
But if Jin’s inner state in the last few months teaches us anything, is that this “journey of self-acceptance” is ongoing. And even though we know where we’d like to arrive at, what is important we strive for, there might be times when we’ll forget along the way that each one of us is a unique and precious gem. There will be times when we might question and undermine ourselves. Even when everyone around us emphasizes how much we’ve accomplished. Maybe especially then.
And if Jin was feeling unworthy of the praise — not just because he didn’t believe it, but because he felt he hadn’t contributed as much to this success as the other members — then it becomes even clearer why he mentioned Namjoon personally in the BE ‘Thanks To’ notes:
Thank you so much to our members who wrote songs for this album.
And for saying that my ideas were great while writing lyrics, for saying that he had a rough time starting but could finally start with what hyung wrote as a topic, thank you so, so much, especially, to our Namjoonie who gave such beautiful words.
If Jin had been feeling inadequate and useless, how much must it have meant to have Namjoon vocally acknowledge him as an invaluable contributor and source of inspiration for the whole songwriting process!
And Namjoon, who is no stranger to these feelings of insecurity, making sure that Jin knows how important and appreciated he is.
I hope they continue to help each other along on this journey towards unconditional self-love. It’s a beautiful thing to see and source of inspiration for all of us.
Some Thanksgiving Thoughts ...
When I read Robert Reich’s post this morning, the thing that came to mind is that old saying that … “The more things change, the more they stay the same.” What has changed, really, in the last 80 years? Oh sure, technology has taken giant leaps, some for the better, some not, but have humans grown and learned from the past? Not really. Take a look … Gratitude Thanksgiving thoughts By Robert…
It's a pretty afternoon to be at the beach with my family.
