#on lonliness

[mybonfire]

Backseat Girl

I'm always put in the backseat.

It started as a situational thing

Where it made sense for someone else to get shotgun

But now I'm used to electing myself to sit in the back.

It feels right.

There's a certain amount of removal you can feel from

everyone

in the front

when you're in the back.

They can talk to you all they want but

You'll never hear them.

I feel like that a lot lately.

I'm stuck in the backseat.

And everyone that talks to me is in the front

And I nod my head and smile

Because I never understand a word that's being said to me from the front seat.

Even when it's just to two of us

And here I am in your passenger seat

I still can feel the distance

The disconnect

As though any second someone else will come

And I'll be in the backseat again.

I wish you chose me.

Instead of letting me be your backseat girl.

[thoughtsnoonecarestohear]

I really like people. I just don't like myself enough to like being around them.

On lonliness

[written-notions]

12.10.014

it's sunday evening and i've just realized that i haven't had a full face to face conversation that's lasted more than 2 minutes all weekend.

[lv0009]

I used to laugh at the idea of friendlessness. I used to laugh along with the mocking sound of loneliness; the vibrations of a permanent privacy. I sought the hilarity in my seclusion, as I watched it ride toward me on the crests of a thousand moments that would not survive themselves. Small things that I would not know exactly how to miss, because I had never anticipated their departure. I compressed myself with wit; shrouded myself in dishonest cloaks. I told you that I wanted it this way; that I could only ever need myself in an existence where others could only displease and irritate. I spread these lies across myself. I poisoned you inside of me; bled into our memories the things that pained me most. I wanted to believe that it was you. Tell them all that it was you, and it would never be a fault in me that we fell apart the moment we were not forced to be.

I paired the loneliness with triumph; as if I had defeated a primal need. I pair the loneliness with nothingness; I know I have succumbed to something dark. I see the age upon me; the weight of carrying myself. I feel the slip of sentiment; the thinning of patience with an existence that persists only to serve itself. You move without me. You move outside of me. You move in currents of your own and I am so proud; I am so angry. I will not allow my love to pass into others, for in them I can see none of you.   I take corners just to see; press my back against walls and fascinate over you. I have denied the will to connect, because I have not recognised it there. I do not know how to build conversation. I do not know the ways to feign interest and respect. I have untacked the trappings of social rule from the text books of my knowledge and here I am left to ask, “Why am I the one alone?” 

[homonymsandoddysseys]

Actually I had a friend once who'd send me little bits of instrumental stuff and I'd sing to it and that was fun and hey I forgot to do punctuation that's fine I'm going to drink this wine and be lonely okay cool good chat no one

[cartoonowl]