It was worth it..
Healing was worth it. Healing my trust in the world deepened a trust in myself. Deepened my desire to partner with the world. I no longer feel alone or that I must go anywhere, or do anything, alone. I know that the world always has been, and always will be, right by my side.
It wasn’t enough to heal only my trust in the world, as the world thought it best to heal my misguidance about money. I’d spent so much of my “life-time” working to acquire more of it. I obsessed about different ways to make it and with a willingness to prioritize it over other self interests to attain it.
To heal both of these broken pieces I gave up everything that I cared for. True love and more than 3/4 million dollars. Two and a half years later, the pain from those lessons still hollow out a part of me where I can only feel the sadness of desperation. It feels like I lost something as intergral as a limb off my body.
If I am to be the man I aspire to. If I am to truly live out the life that I dream. Than this healing was necessary. This pain is worth it. For without this understanding of myself I would not be able to trust any partner as deeply as I am now able, nor would I ever be able to prioritize romantic love above my financial security and stability.
I’ve always dreamt of a partner who’s inspiration I would give everything. I know I’m ready for that as I now know that I can freely give that. The preparation has been worth it.
I can feel my partner coming as surely as I can feel my connection to the world and myself deepening. I know what is to be born within the world.. as it is simultaneously born within me.
