Second position carves the air's deep theme, core engaged in perfection's seductive call— elequisoly asking what alignment frees, sculpting my hobby to music's graceful thrall.
A/N- Here I am again, a songfic for you guys. As I promised, no angst. I forgot to mention last time that I am extremely grateful for one of my best friends for beta-ing everything I write. And always confirming 100 times that what I write is not crap. Anyway, this is based off the song “How to know if a girl is a lesbian” by Ally Hills. I hope you enjoy.
Vanessa looked fierce, and she damn well knew it. You couldn’t convince her otherwise. Her hair was curled down her back, falling naturally over her shoulders, a slight bounce to her hair as she practically stomped down the hallway of the high school. She had a bright red lip on, matching the shirt that stayed partly hidden under a leather jacket that she wore proudly on her shoulders. A black skirt that was tight, teasing with the school dress code about length of skirts and shorts.
She laughed loudly, throwing her head back in joy as she winked quickly at someone before marching over to join her friends by the lockers. This was definitely one of the perks of senior year, having most of the school population absolutely infatuated with what you did, how you spent your weekend and what you were wearing. Girls and boys flirted with her aimlessly all the time, during class, in the hall or in lunch. Vanessa felt it was mostly because of her status in the school, but she liked to tease and flirt back anyway. It filled up the time and made it more enjoyable.
“Lookin’ good girl.” A'keria mentions with a small hum, scrolling though whatever issue of whatever fashion magazine she had at the moment.
“Always, bitch.” Vanessa laughed, opening her locker and checking her face in the mirror that hung on the door.
“There’s a new girl” Silky says, after shoving some sort of buttery pastry into her mouth, causing both of the other girls eyebrows to rise slightly in response.
“Over there, by the lockers. Blondie.” Silky gestures with her head, hair flipping in the progress. She turns her attention back to phone in her hands, no doubt talking on Tinder or something like that.
Vanessa looked up, glancing around for the girl in question. She sighed, thinking in the moment that the girl might have left, returning to gazing in the mirror.
In the corner of her eye, she watches as a locker door closes shut with a slam. In the corner of her eye, she sees the blonde in question turning around and talking to somebody, about to walk somewhere. Vanessa looks over and watches the girl, taking in as much as she could.
Vanessa noted that she did have blonde hair, almost platinum hair, that fell straight and ended right about the center of her back. A grey beanie sat on the top of her hair, keeping it all together. She was wearing a pink baseball tee, right in between tight and loose. Black yoga pants stretched down her long legs as she watched the blonde walk past her down the hall.
The blonde flashed a quick smile towards the smaller girl before leaving the hall, following closely behind the student body president, Nina West.
She needed to know who this girl was, and now.
You don’t wear a beanie in the summer for no reason
Or a baseball tee when it’s not baseball season
If you check her nails and they’re always trimmed
Or Kstew is her style twin
Vanessa learned alot about the mystery new girl in the course of the next week. Sure, she might not have actually talked to her yet, but she knows enough to know that she really wanted to talk too her. Once she gets over the fear that the blonde might be straight, she was sure that the conversation would be great. Fantastic, even.
It turns out, that she had a name. Her name was Brooke Lynn. That was beautiful, she thought. It fit her.
Brooke came down to LA, from Canada. For dance, there seemed to be a lot more opportunities for advancement here. She learned that as well. Vanessa would love to see her dance one day, unless that was weird, she didn’t really know.
Vanessa never had any issues with talking, or flirting with girls she found attractive. Brooke acted differently from the other girls, she learned. She would just flash an award winning smile, and continue on her. She didn’t care about who she was, and didn’t try and talk to her. Vanessa just couldn’t figure this girl out.
They had one class together, even though they sat on the complete opposite sides of the room. Vanessa didn’t want to admit that she was completely infatuated with the (tall, blonde bombshell wi) new girl.
It was science class, a class that Vanessa usually hated, because it just seemed so boring and she didn’t understand why she needed to know this information for a future career. She didn’t need to know how to dissect a frog for a future in fashion, at least she was 95% sure. Math also wasn’t her strong suit.
Vanessa was paying more attention to Brooke then she was the experiment demonstration, not like she was going to do it anyway, she would just share answers with A'keria or google the answers. She watched as she carefully picked up the scalpel, her short, light pink, nails wrapped around the handle, guiding it down the frog.
That was a sign, she thought. She could have been looking too deep into things, but it was still important to note in her mind.
Vanessa didn’t stare, or at least she thought she wasn’t. It was just looks that would linger for a few seconds before she would look back at A'keria, who looked absolutely disgusted that she would have to cut this dead frog open, and possibly get her nice outfit all gunked up. She rolled her eyes, scribbling down her name on the paper.
Brooke looked really nice today, Vanessa thought as she let her mind wander. She wasn’t going to admit that she knew the outfit inspiration from flipping though trashy tabloids that actually entertained her. She looked good regardless, though.
She was broke out of her thoughts, feeling a cold slimy liquid squirt onto her face. She quickly looked back over back over at A'keria, her hands in the air like she knew that she was guilty of something.
“Sorry, sis…” She said, hiding a light laugh that would seem in bad nature if she let slip.
“You Hoe! Oh- My- God!” Vanessa screeched, immediately heading towards the bathroom, barely looking as Brooke flashed her a quick, sympathetic smile.
She knows a little bit too much about The L Word
She rolls her sleeves up when she’s wearing pocket t-shirts
And when she compliments, You just feel confident
You know how she rolls but you’re still not sure
Vanessa had stayed in the bathroom for almost the rest of class, focusing on wiping down her entire face and reapplying her makeup. Although she wouldn’t feel like she was clean until she took a shower tonight, not when cold, sticky, frog juices squirt on you. Not only was it disgusting, but it definitely was plenty embarrassing, especially when the girl you happened to have the smallest crush on, was in the room.
Vanessa rolled her eyes and reapplied her light layer of mascara, her mouth agape slightly, focusing in on the mirror and the movements of her hand. She closed up the mascara, dropping it on the counter and looking herself up and over in the mirror again. Damn, she looked great again. The power of makeup, she supposed.
“That was disgusting, but it looks like you’re doing well.“
Vanessa looked towards the door as the voice entered the room, it was brooke, she opened her mouth lightly watching as the other, placed her bag on the counter after wiping it dry. She watched as she began to thoroughly washing her hands. Vanessa shook her head, shoving her makeup in her bag.
"It was sick, nothing a little soap and makeup can’t fix though!” She grinned, looking over briefly before attempting to look like she was fixing her hair to distract her from wanting to watch the other fix her minimal amount of makeup.
“It was like, number two on the list of most disgusting and disheartening things I’ve ever seen.” Brooke laughed, running her fingers through her hair, stealing quick glances at the other as she did.
“What was number one then?” Vanessa asked, raising an eyebrow letting herself look back over at the taller girl for a few seconds before spraying on a little bit more hairspray.
“The entirety of season 6 of the L-Word.” Brooke smirked lightly, shaking her head and looking over at Vanessa, like she knew that Vanessa knew exactly what she was talking about.
She wasn’t wrong. Vanessa knew all too well, practically checking it off in her in-head checklist.
“That shit was a disaster.” She nodded in agreement, laughing lightly and shaking her head. “I didn’t sign up for no weird-ass murder mystery shit."
"It made no sense to even go that route, no one liked Jenny anyway.” Brooke smiled, a smile made a Vanessa take a mental picture, so she could always remember it. “I swear, if she made quoted her insipid short story about manatees one more time…"
Vanessa raised her brows once more. So she was smart, she thought to herself. If you asked her, she wouldn’t be able be to tell you what that word meant, she wasn’t even sure if she would pronounce it. Just another reason to like the blonde.
"Well, I should head to my next class, but…” Brooke walked closer to Vanessa, laying her hand over the over the Latina’s smaller hand, looking up at her face. “Let’s talk again soon. See ya.” Brooke smiled widely, retracting her hand and leaving the bathroom after quickly swiping her bag off the counter.
Oh Oh maybe she’s just being nice
Oh or you can take my adviceIf she looks like she’d want a few cats
If her closet is full of snapbacks
You lock eyes that implies, that you’re in luck my friend
‘Cause she’s probably a lesbian
Vanessa wanted to go over to table in science, or maybe even approach her in the hallway, or if she was feeling really frisky, she would stand behind her in the lunch line. It wasn’t that easy, but it really should have been. Vanessa never had an issue with self-confidence or social anxiety. This was a whole new problem for her, and she honestly had no idea what to do about it.
She had so many opportunities to go ahead and talk to her, during the last 3 days. By the time Vanessa had hyped herself up enough, and outweighed the pros and cons of possibly making a fool of herself, the opportunity had passed and the blonde beauty had walked away.
She remembered the way she felt a tingle shoot up her spine as Brooke laid her hand on hers, the way that the world could have stopped around them and she probably wouldn’t have noticed anything. It was possible that she was just being dramatic, she often was. Her fantasies about romance and love were out of this world high, so it seemed likely that Vanessa could have been reading the moment wrong.
Girls were often really touchy, right? They held hands, fixed each other’s hair, hugged and even cuddled. That was all just normal activities for straight girls.
Vanessa stayed up at night, her mind reeling over just a light touch. It was pathetic, she thought. She shouldn’t be this held up, she has had other crushes after all. Brooke was something different, in a whole league of her own.
It was 2 a.m. and once again, Vanessa laid in the bed staring up at the ceiling and trying to imagine different scenarios that could erupt from striking up a conversation with the blonde. She rolled over, grabbing her phone off the bedside table and proceeded to see if anyone was awake.
V: A, you up?
A: Yeah girl, you know netflix and shit.
V: oh yeah, of course
A: you wanna tell me what’s up?
V: there’s nothing up, I just couldn’t sleep
A: that’s an ass excuse and you know it, is it about Brooke?
Vanessa dropped her phone on her chest and sighed. She should have guessed that she would have known, she knows everything. Vanessa picked her phone back up, deciding that getting her advice might actually be beneficial
V: yeah, I hate how you know this shit
A: you say that but I know you love it, bitch
A: anyway, just talk to her. She’s human and from what I’ve heard, she’s really nice.
V: yeah and what happens when I make a fool of myself and she ends up straight and having a boyfriend?
A: girl, you really think she’s straight? Lmao!
V: well… yes. how would you even know otherwise.
A: just look for the damn clues Vanessa, plus I’ve never seen her with any boys
A: AND she rlly likes cats
V: now that’s just ster- stereo- nvm. You know what I mean
A: Well, girl. Trust me, and talk to her. In class tomorrow, it’ll be worth it.
V: I’ll keep that in mind, thanks A'keria
Vanessa dropped her phone again, letting out a deep sigh and rolling over in her bed, creating a plan for tomorrow.
Blue isn’t just her favorite color it’s the warmest
And her low cut tank top collection is enormous
If plaid and flannels are her go to thing
Sit back and listen to your gaydar ping
She walks around just like she owns the place
You mention pride and she can’t keep a straight face
Today was the big day. Vanessa was going to talk to her today, she had a whole plan and she was more or less ready. It was nerve racking though, if one thing went wrong it would ruin the plan and she would have to start all the back at point A again. She even had people involved to try and help her execute this, but it still had a big risk of going under.
Vanessa got ready like she usually did every morning, yet this morning, she seemed to take some extra time to pay attention to some small details. Brooke deserved the extra time, Brooke deserves way more than that, but this was all that she could give at the moment.
Vanessa was quick to form crushes, to love the beauty and the idea of being with somebody. This crush was different. She loved the way that she bowed her head while laugh, always moving her hand to cover her mouth. She loved the way she preferred colored pens over pencils, the way she added a loop to her ‘y’s. She was sure she would love every quirk that she was destined to learn.
She skipped meeting with her friends in the morning, just so she couldn’t get distracted by the time she got to class. She got distracted pretty easily and didn’t want to risk the chance of missing her chance.
She sat down in science class, quietly tapping her pencil on the side of the table running over the plan in her head. In theory, it was quite simple. When asked to choose partners, sit next to Brooke. A'keria will sit next to Nina. They will then proceed with whatever work they had to do. It seemed full proof! Or it should be. Possibly.
She ignored any quips of conversation from anyone, and for the first time in she didn’t know how long, she actually listened to the teacher. Crazy, right?
As soon as the teacher finished muttering the words of partners and as soon the class began to buzz around, she made her move. Dodging other classmates, and she think she might have accidently pushed someone, but she wasn’t actually positive if she did. She had a goal in mind, and no one would get in her way.
Vanessa nodded over at A'keria as they both slid into the correct seats, a confused Brooke and Nina beside them. A'keria gave her a look as to say 'Go get em tiger’ before turning and promptly starting her work with the class president, to leave both of the love interests to their own devices.
“So… you come here often?"
Vanessa closed her eyes, hoping to wake up from whatever nightmare where her first line to the girl she liked was "so you come here often”. Every inch of her being was stopping herself from slamming her head into the desk.
“Well, for the last two weeks, yes. Every day.” Brooke let out a small laugh, along with a shake of her head.
“That was really stupid, I know.” Vanessa joined in on the laughing, deciding it was better to laugh at herself then the other way around. “I’m usually better than that.”
“I sure hope you’re better at science then.” Brooke cracked a smile, entitling her paper as soon as they were handed out.
Vanessa follows suit and does the same.
Things got easier for the next 40 minutes. The conversation became natural, and flowed easily. They did more talking than they got work done, but they both didn’t seem too bothered with that. They talked about favorite movies, and favorite colors. They discussed hopes and dreams and things in that nature.
It seemed so easy to talk to the other now, and Vanessa just felt silly for having so much anxiety over talking her now that it was actually happening.
“We didn’t get much done did we?” Brooke asked, looking down at her paper and up at the clock, seeing as class was almost finished. “You’ll just have to come over tonight, if you want too."
"Oh, yeah. I guess I’ll have too then.” Vanessa smiled, pulling out her phone and handing it to the other to input her number. “Just text me."
Brooke grabbed the phone, her smile seemingly got a bit wider as she looked at her background, it was Vanessa and her friends at the last pride event she attended. She put in her number, sliding her phone back over to her. "Nice photo."
Vanessa didn’t even get to say anything back before she looked back up and the blonde was gone, seemingly vanishing into thin air.
Sometimes the hottie-ness
Just makes it obvious
But it doesn’t happen every single case
They had made a plan to meet up at Brooke’s house at about 4:30 to finish their science work up, although they both knew that they weren’t getting together for the work. They had such a good time talking, and It felt like they had been long time friends and it just came so naturally. They just wanted to get to know each other better.
Vanessa changed her clothing, not two, not three, but four times. It had to be perfect, but it had to also look casual and not like she was trying too hard. It had to look like she wasn’t contemplating her choices for an hour.
She wasn’t as nervous as she was to talk to her yesterday, she was mostly just filled with excitement. A certain buzz filled her body, a buzz that gave her even more excitement then she was already was filled with.
Vanessa stood in front of her mirror, deciding on what to do with her hair. She could just lightly curl it and let it lay across her back. She could just pin it up and keep it out of her face. So many choices, but she decided to just lightly curl her hair instead of pining it up. She decided it looked best like that, and well, she needed to do what she could.
Brooke was so effortlessly beautiful, it seemed so simple for her. She could go without makeup, and it probably wouldn’t make much of impact, but Vanessa just wanted to look her best for her.
At this point, she was pretty confident that Brooke did indeed swing that way, but she still needed to pick up on a few things before she was going to make a move, besides, what if she didn’t even like her, like that? Vanessa sighed quickly, shaking her head and grabbing her things, before heading out.
Oh Oh maybe she’s just being nice
Oh or you can take my advice
If she looks like she’d want a few cats
If her closet is full of snapbacks
You lock eyes that implies
That you’re in luck my friend
'Cause she’s probably a lesbian
Vanessa was a loud person, and she didn’t like the quiet. She slept with the TV on, and she always had music playing whenever she went or did anything. The quiet was awkward, and well, the silence was deafening. It held all the tension in the room, and it could take a knife to cut though. The quiet offered time to think, and Vanessa didn’t like that. So she preferred noise.
Well, most of the time.
Today, the car ride was quiet. No music on to sing too, no stupid radio podcast making corny jokes over the broadcast. It was just quiet. Right now, for once, Vanessa appreciated the quietness. She appreciated the time to think, the time to run everything in her head before she would end standing up, and knocking on the door.
Which, she was just about to do. The ride was a lot shorter then she first thought it would. She was early, only by 10 minutes, but she was still early. Vanessa usually showed up late, but she tried so hard, to make sure that she left early enough not to be late. Would it be weird, if she knocked right now? What if she was busy, and she just interrupted that because she decided that she was early. Vanessa took 2 minutes to fix her light makeup, another 3 minutes to make sure that she had her science books. Another minute to take a swig of water, and yet another minute to apply another layer of lipstick after the previous coat got smudged on the bottle.
It was time.
Maybe it was flowers that dotted the pathway to the door, or maybe it was the birds that sang in the trees, or maybe it was just the way the curtains of the second story windows blew along with the breeze that made her loosen her grip on her bag as she headed towards the door. The house looks homey, it looked like the family had been at home here for years, when it had only been a few weeks. It was a refreshing sight and somehow made her heart beat slightly less quickly.
Vanessa took one final deep breath, as she poised her hand at the door and knocked once, loudly, but just loudly enough to know that someone would hear. She heard shuffling and the sound of shoes clapping against wood, along with a voice that she would recognize anywhere.
"It’s for me!” Brooke opened the door, a light smile on her face, as she pushed a strand of hair out of her face. “Thanks for coming."
Vanessa took a few seconds to look over Brooke’s outfit change before doing anything else. She looked amazing, as always. But the look of comfort and ease looked even better than the look that consisted of hours in front of a mirror. She looked at home and easy, like she didn’t have to try for anyone else. She felt like she got to see a special side, the side that let down a wall, the side where it was truly herself, not hidden behind any layers of makeup and nice clothing.
"Yeah, of course. We had to get this shit done, huh?” Vanessa laughed, stepping into the nice home once she got the hand gesture that allowed her in. “You have a very nice house, by the way.”
“Thanks, let’s get upstairs before we get bombarded with 50 questions from my mom..” Brooke laughed lightly, leading the other upstairs before they could start the game of 20 questions that happened any time Brooke had anyone over.
Pictures lined the walls and she glanced at them, as she was basically being pulled up the stairs, Brooke’s hand firmly placed in hers. It was warm and safe, and Vanessa felt everything that you would imagine one would feel in this moment, but she didn’t have much time to think about it. Brooke pushed open a white door, leading her into her room.
If she does all these things but she’s not out of the closet
Then we don’t know for sure
But I’m sure gonna call it
Win some or lose some you roll the dice
When you’re taking my advice, but
Her room was decorated in hues of whites and pinks. Instead of band pictures hanging on the wall with sloppy uneven pieces of tape; pictures of dancers lined the walls with double sided tape on the inside of the corners, making it look like the pictures were merely floating against the wall; not pinned to the walls.
Her room was clean, not the type of the clean that you achieve within 20 minutes before your guest of honor arrives, but the type of clean that you spend every day tending too, the type of clean where every single item has it own home, a place where it belongs.
Two cats laid perched on her bed like it was a throne, and they were the mighty kings of the castle. Vanessa watched as Brooke sat on her bed, tucking her feet under her as she sat, the cats moving to sit closer to her.
“This is why you asked me if I was allergic? I should have guessed it, it’s not exactly a conversation starter, otherwise.” Vanessa out a small laugh, that was trying to hide and shove back all of her fears.
“This is Henry, and” Brooke smiles, gesturing to the cat on her lap. “This one is apollo.” She leans over to pet the one on the edge of the bed. “They aren’t exactly people type of cats, so I’m sorry if they don’t like you.”
Vanessa took that opportunity to sit down on the edge of the bed, immediately being greeted by apollo, who rubbed his body against the side of her body happily.
Vanessa raised her eyebrows, looking over at Brooke momentarily, before looking back at the cat.
“You Liar! I must be a cat magnet, don’t doubt the powers of a cat magnet."
She laughed, started to feel more at ease they laughed and joked effortlessly, forgetting about the work that they came here to do originally.
"I’m going to grab some water for us, then we should probably finish the homework.” Brooke mentions after about 20 minutes of joking around.
Vanessa watches as she climbs out of the bed, making her way out of the room, leaving her alone on the bed, with the cats.
Vanessa sighed herself, boosting herself on her elbows as she glanced around the room once more. She took note of all the photos on the dresser, none of them with anyone her own age- besides her dance group photos. She did look absolutely adorable in a Tutu at the tender age of 6 though, holding a trophy that already half her size.
She closed her eyes momentarily, running over everything she had noted in the last few days, or as A'keria would say, gathering the clues.
There was just no way she could tell for sure, she wasn’t out of the closet and it wasn’t like she would ask her- she could never muster enough courage to be that direct. It was getting harder to be so friendly when all she wanted to do was (kiss her deeply and pul-) be with her.
If she looks like she’d want a few cats
If her closet is full of snapbacks
You lock eyes that implies
That you’re in luck my friend
'Cause she’s probably a lesbian
Vanessa sat up, setting her homework on her lap as Brooke came back into the room, handing her a water for she crawled into the bed, setting up her own homework as well.
Vanessa cracked open the bottle, taking a much needed sip, as she felt her mouth started to dry up, probably because of all the nerves. She read over the paper again, trying to remember what they were doing, as she honestly didn’t even remember.
They didn’t talk much, only sharing ideas on what the answers could be. This was one of the quiets that Vanessa couldn’t stand, but she would do it if it meant that she could admire the way that the blonde chewed on the edge of her pen when she was struggling with an answer, or when her eyes would light up when she finally figured out a tough answer.
Maybe in the future, they should stick with their usual partners. Not that they were both bad at science, but because whenever they would look up at each other, sharing small smiles and laughs and that often ends up with one of the throw pillows being thrown, it was actually pretty distracting.
The small smiles were more endearing than any other smile, and the laugh was sweet but it filled the entire room with the sound that Vanessa could really get used to hearing on the daily.
They finished after an hour filled with stealing glances, thrown pillows and the occasional meow, if a pillow happened to hit Henry.
“You can stay if you want- I mean if you don’t have any other plans or anything."
Brooke piped up quickly, watching as Vanessa was starting to pack up her work in her bag. This was the first time Vanessa had seen an air of nervousness from the other one, but if anything, it only strengthened how much she liked her.
"I would love too"
If her purse is also a backpack
She’s always watching Orange Is The New Black
You lock lips i insist
That you’re in luck my friend
'Cause she’s probably a lesbian
They decided to watch Netflix, after they had managed to get some food, and only get approximately 9 questions from her mother. Brooke was mortified, a bright red color present on her cheeks the entire time. Vanessa thought it was sweet that she cared so much, and she thought it was adorable how embarrassed Brooke got.
They got back on her bed, this time sitting next to each other, rather than across like earlier. Brooke had pulled out her laptop, efficiently signing on as she looked over at Vanessa, to see what she would want to watch.
Vanessa shrugged, a content smile on her face as she looked at the home screen. "Whatever you want, I’m not really picky boo."
She wasn’t sure why she added the name at the end, but it did bring some color to her cheeks. Brooke didn’t seem to mind the name, either that or she didn’t notice. She put on an episode of Orange is the New Black and settled against her headboard, Vanessa following suit.
As the episode played, they began to gently shift towards one another, small enough at first so it was barely noticeable. Eventually, they made it so Vanessa could lay her head on her shoulder and brooke could easily wrap an arm around her. Vanessa wondered if she could hear how fast her heart was beating, if it would just jump out of her chest right now.
Vanessa wasn’t even thinking as they glanced at each other, then the next thing they both knew, her lips were softly pressed against Brooke’s. She closed her eyes, leaning into the kiss, waiting for a sign. When she felt the other kiss back, all fear and worry melted. She felt at peace as they continued the soft kiss, until they broke apart for air.
"Finally.” Brooke hummed once they broke apart, before going into another kiss that lead to small kisses and giggles all night long.
