Is throwing out some random guy's name because you know if you say you feel zero romantic interest to anyone would just make people ask harder who you have a crush on is a lived in experience or is it just me
@nanachannyan sent in: "You have no idea, do you?"
midnight blue eyes shift to look over towards the fellow blonde, head tilting to the side as he blinks slowly. you have no idea, do you? of course not. he had no idea what nanami was trying to get out. though, he looked almost too serious. he's used to seeing a grin on his face, a brightness in his eyes that could only be described as something seen in a golden retreiver puppy. he nervous laugh leaves him as he leans forward, resting his elbows on his thighs.
i know you shouldn't pit two bad bitches against each other but more and more i'm finding myself preferring the night version of noctilum over the day version 🧎♀️
Look at that, a double feature! I know the quotes of his memories don't align chronologically with Sofia calling him "Ceedric", but we're doing it for the sake of angst. Final Part will actually be not as gut wrenching, pinky swear it
TRIGGER WARNINGS
IMPLICATIONS OF SUICIDE, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, AND COMMITING THE ACT. PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION.
Cedric stands at the balcony again, the same siren song beckoning him to hop the railing and just do it- to jump off, feel his world slow down as his body raced to the cold, hard pavement below and then finally, every ache and raging storm within himself will quiet.
That's what Cedric really wanted. For everything to be still, all around him but most of all inside of him.
To be in a position of royal sorcerer was already stressful enough, but to be dragged around like a mutt on a leash- only to be beaten down with verbal stones when he can't perform a trick correctly.
To say he felt dehumanized was an understatement.
The sorcerer groans, holding his head in his hands as the embarrassment and shame wrack his body again, tasting the tang of blood in his mouth as he bites the inside of his cheek- an old habit that has now become compulsive whenever bad memories resurfaced.
"Stop! You're making it worse!"
I know. I'm sorry, Cordelia. My hands ruin everything they touch, and I've never stopped trying to atone for it.
"Not much of a sorcerer, is he?"
I tried, didn't I? Wasn't that enough? ....Why wasn't that ever enough?
"Just as bad as that Cedric guy from Enchancia..."
Yeah... I suppose I really am a bad, piece of shit person. No one believed I was good anyways, and I think I'm starting to see why.
"We're stuck with him..."
Cedric gulps, well, gasps really- his lungs can't seem to find oxygen now, and his tears were free flowing rivers of torment running down redden cheeks.
Blinking away more tears, he realizes he was leaning over the rail again- when did he start doing that tonight? Was it just muscle memory now, to look down at the ground beneath him with an aching, burning feeling in his chest that could only be described as longing?
"You won't... be stuck- with me forever..." Cedric's voice garbled out the words between gasps, feeling the bob and sway of his balance fighting against the pull of gravity. His throat burns, a lump forming in his throat- good. There was nothing much left to say now, his mind was made up, and-
"Mr. Ceedric?"
A sweet, innocent voice cuts through the haze with the sharpness of a knife, making the sorcerer still. Whatever breath he had left was stolen, coming out of his mouth in a wheeze.
Shit.
Why now, must he be disturbed? Can he truly not get one goddamn moment to himself, for once?
"Mr. Ceedric? Why are you hanging over the railing like that-? It's not safe!"
He purses his lips shut tight, afraid of what words might come out of his mouth and even more afraid that if he tried to talk he would break down into tears right then and there.
He hopes in vain the princess would just leave- maybe if he stood still long enough, didn't make a sound, she'd leave. People seem to have no trouble ignoring him... Well.
Almost everyone, it seemed.
"Mr. Ceedric...?"
He feels the briefest touch of small fingers wrapping around the fabric of his robe, tugging to get his attention. Cedric flinched from the contact, harder than either of them expected. He hears her small heels scrape against the stone floor, clearly startled by his response.
Hot, boiling shame courses through his veins, and of course, whenever Cedric is faced with shame, somehow anger is the only thing that he defaults to, to cover it up.
"It's CEDRIC, Ced-ric!" He retorts, barely keeping his voice steady as he furiously swiped the tears off his face. Cedric's lanky body slides off the railing, on the side that kept his feet planted on solid ground once again.
He inhales a deep breath, trying to stop his heart from racing. Cedric felt like it was thundering so loud in his ears, surely Sofia could hear it? Either way, he didn't want to know.
"What do you want-? And why didn't you knock, princess, you always knock!" He asks defensively, meaning to scold the child- but out loud, there was evident panic lacing his voice. Panic at the idea of having being caught, of having someone- no, not just someone, Sofia, almost witness him commit-
"I did knock, Mr. Ceedric...!" Sofia protested, biting her lip in a nervous manner.
Cedric blinked, a clumsy, half-hearted "What?" being his only response.
"...You didn't answer, so I..." Sofia pauses, a skittish air about her that makes Cedric want to jump off the balcony right then and there, for making such a sweet girl feel scared around him.
