#ookiedoll

[ookiedoll]

KiriBaku meets middle school KiriBaku💥🏔❤️

IG: @ookiedoll

[ookiedoll]

MERRY CHRISTMAS, MA DOODS!!!

✨❤️🎁🎄😊

Y’ALL’S HALLS ABOUT TO BE DECKED BY THE BAKUSQUAD!!!

💥🏔🧪🎞⚡️

[ookiedoll]

“I’m at that point in my life, where I don’t care if I have to facepalm myself in the face hard to kill a banana fly.”

- Me, 5 minutes ago.

[ookiedoll]

......

I need to get this off my chest, because it's eating me up. Currently, while I'm writing this post, I'm crying and I'm trying hard not to wake up my boyfriend who is sleeping 30 cm away from me. I need to write this without being interrupted. I don't feel like I can complain about anything in my life. I have a family who loves me unconditionally, wonderful loyal friends and a boyfriend who would give me the universe if he could. All this and I'm still sad and crying. People who knows me personally, complements me with how I look, socially interact or how lucky I am. But when I say that I'm having a bad day, feel troubled in some way or tell them about my bad 10 years in grade-school, some of them shoots me down immediately. I tell them that because of bullying and loneliness and didn't tell my parent because 'I didn't wanna burden them', I felt depressed. They'd answer: "you can't call yourself depressed, when you were just sad." I'm sure some of you know the feeling I felt that moment. My heart broke. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, I wanted to be angry. But what is stopping me is that I feel I have no right to any of those emotions. Many of the people I know have either been or is still being let down by their parents, bullied in school or is diagnosed with mental problems. I wanna help them all. I talk to them, try to give good advices, listen to them and comfort them when they need it. But when I have my bad days and really need someone to say: "it's okay, I'm here for you." and gives me a hug........ they give me spiteful comments and invalidates how I feel. They'd also comment on my body. By their description, I'm skinny and a pretty face. So when I try to comfort and tell somebody they don't need to be skinny to be pretty or that I like them just the way they are, it always goes back to; "Easy for you to say that. You're pretty. You can get along with anyone you want." It makes me paranoid and it makes me believe people only wanna be around me because I'm "pretty." Sometimes I think, that if I slash up my face and body, would they still wanna be around me? Just because I have a boyfriend who supports me, finally made wonderful friends and I didn't have family issue, it doesn't mean I won't begin crying in the middle of the night without any reason, worried that people secretly hates me or that I'm a burden to other people. I try to be that comforting voice and tell myself that that's not true, but it hard when that same voice says I'm not worth anything, I'm only troubling people and might as well disappear, because people can do without me anyways. I still wonder how I've got so many wonderful people around me when I feel I don't deserve them. I know that there's one person in my life, that if she ever leaves me or someday would hate me, my life would officially be over. She was my first and is my best friend. She pulled me out of my depression with her friendship. She showed me love without having to do so. When I just can't anymore I call her, heavily crying, drunk or sober, just to hear her comforting voice and for her to remind me that everything is okay. I'm not trying in any way demonizing anyone. I know people may have it worse than me or have experienced horrible things. But that still doesn't mean they have a free-card to bash the other person, just because the other person didn't go through exactly what the first person did. Sometimes it's like they make into a competition about who have it worse and totally dismisses other peoples feelings. I want to defend myself in these situations, but I never know what to say at the moment. I just stay silent, like a child who's just been scolded by their parent. ..... I needed to get this off my chest. If you have read all of it, I want you to know, that I appreciate you and appreciate you for reading this long post. Much love and thank you😊❤️

[ookiedoll]

If any of you guys are interested :3

Please go follow my art blog @ookieart Majority of it is BTS fan art but sometimes I post other stuff that I draw :3

[ookiedoll]

[ookiedoll]

Help Wisefurycas....

My friend once said to her teacher. Her: You're really stupid is you drink H2O. (She got water and oil confused) Teacher: ........ Teacher: (to the whole class) If you all are quiet, you can hear Yasmin's grade drop. @wisefurycas

[ookiedoll]

If I can hold my tears, I can hold my piss.

Me (who really needs to pee but is watching BTS videos)