found a draft from earlier this year, when paramilitary activity was up again.
i know it sounds dumb and preachy to say all this, but i want to grow up in my country, learning gaeilge and being able to wear my school uniform without worrying about the 3 diff paramilitaries near me that are still active. my life is much better than my parents but there is always the idea and possibility that history would repeat itself. I AM CONSTANTLY SCARED. THERE IS ALWAYS THE THOUGHT IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD THAT THEY KNOW, THAT WHEN I TURN THE CORNER I WILL BE SHOT AND KILLED AND MY NAME WILL END UP ON A PLAQUE SOMEWHERE BECAUSE THATS ALL MY GOVERNMENT CAN STOMACH. I AM A TEEN AND I AM SCARED OF A CONFLICT THAT ENDED 20 YEARS AGO COMING BACK. I AM A NORTHERN IRISH PERSON WHO IS NOT DEFINED BY THEIR RELIGION BECAUSE I AM A PERSON, NOT A THING THE ENGLISH CAN USE TO TEACH IN SCHOOLS INCORRECTLY BECAUSE THEY DONT WANT TO ADMIT THEY STARTED IT. I AM A PERSON TORN BETWEEN TWO SIDES, BOTH OF WHICH ARE WRONG.
I AM A PERSON. I AM NOT CATHOLIC, I AM NOT PROTESTANT, PLEASE, TREAT ME LIKE AN AMERICAN.
I WANT TO BE FREE LIKE AN AMERICAN WHO DOESNT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THIS. I KNOW OTHERS SUFFER MORE THAN ME BUT PLEASE FORGIVE ME I AM A SCARED TEENAGER WHO JUST WANTS TO GO FOR A WALK WITHOUT SEEING ANOTHER BURNT OUT CAR. IF GOD TRULY CARED ABOUT MY LITTLE COUNTRY HE WOULD MAKE EVERYONE LOVE EACHOTHER LIKE I THOUGHT THEY DID WHEN I WAS A KID. IF GOD LOVED MY LITTLE COUNTRY HE WOULD STOP THE POLICE FROM LECTURING 6 Y/Os ON WHY THEY SHOULDNT MAKE BOMBS. IF GOD LOVED MY LITTLE COUNTRY HE WOULD REMOVE ME FROM IT AND PLACE ME IN AMERICA, WHERE YOU CAN BUY THINGS EASILY AND YOU DONT FEEL OUT OF PLACE, PLEASE GOD. I WANT TO BE FREE LIKE AN AMERICAN.
(dont know why i wrote this in all caps, i guess it was appropriate???? if this seems weird to ppl from ni plz know this was bc my parents were shittin themselves and going on about how 'its happening again, lol)