Summary: Rhysand is leaving the pack for good, and Luna asks him to meet her in the woods in one last attempt to make him stay. (He doesn’t).
A/N: This is part of my shifter!ACOTAR fics (but i changed the direction i was going in my ideas post). This is a mini prequel to my Rhysand wip— I just wanted to write this for some reason lmao. It is A for Angst (diet angst) And it's very short
Leaving her behind was one of the hardest things he ever did. And in the next years, every single time he'd look up at the moon, he'd remember the single tear that fell down her cheek as he turned away.
Luna's eyes prick with tears and she balls her fists tight, nails digging into the flesh of her palms, to stop herself from crying. You will not cry. No matter what you will not cry. You don’t need yet another thing to remind Rhysand that you are barely past your pup years. She repeats the words in her head until she believes them. At fourteen she should already be well acquainted with her wolf, running with the pack on full moon nights, and not crying when she doesn't get her way. But this is so much more than that.
She shakes her head, focusing on her wolf instead of the storm raging in her heart. She feels a flicker as her wolf makes herself known (somewhat), and she grits her teeth, trying to draw her out fully. The snap of a twig behind her pulls her from her thoughts and she turns to find Rhysand standing there, leaning on a tree. She knows for a fact that he made the noise on purpose, so she’d hear him— he was probably standing there for a while. But she lifts her chin, unwilling to show that he had (once again) caught her off guard.
“What is it, Little Wolf?” He asks, looking down at his foot as he kicks a rock.
The way his voice has gone from the softness of pup to the deep and cold growl of a young male has Luna's stomach clenching. At 16– he’s only a couple of years older than her— he already carries himself like an adult male. And she supposes he has to, seeing as how his father has been pushing him towards becoming alpha his whole life. Rhysand has never had his sights set on being alpha, though. And suddenly, as she tilts her head up to look him in the eye, the two years he has on her feel like an entire world of difference.
“I—” she cuts herself off. What was she going to say? What is there to say? Ask him to stay? Ask him to take her with him?
“No, Luna.” His answer is curt, matter-of-fact, almost as if he somehow heard her inner thoughts and is responding instinctively.
His immediate reply stings, and she looks down at her nails to try and hide the pain that surely flashed in her eyes. You will not cry.
She sighs, feigning nonchalance, and glances up at him through her lashes. “You’re mistaken.” Her voice doesn’t shake and she internally sighs in relief.
He smiles, and it's so sad she feels sick. “Luna,” Her name falls from his lips and it’s like a caress. “You’re still…” His eyebrows draw together and she digs her nails into her palms once again, already knowing what he’s going to say. “You’re still a pup. You wouldn’t understand.”
“I could understand if you’d just talk to me, Rhys.” The words burst out of her and she wishes she hadn’t sounded so whiny, but her vision is becoming blurry, and she is slowly losing her composure.
He shakes his head slowly, looking down at his shoes for a moment before looking up at her again. "One day it'll make sense, I promise. There is just so much you don't know, and honestly it's for the best."
"That makes no sense." She puts as much anger into her words as she can, but it does little to hide the way her heart is shattering.
There's a small part of her— one she's always tried to hide— that has dared to believe that once they both grew up, their mate bond with Rhys would fall into place. She imagined a life of running in the woods together— at first just the two of them and then the pups that would inevitably follow. She spent her entire childhood trying to hide the fact that she looked at him like he'd hung the moon. And now, as she stands under the light of a full moon with him, she sees the future she's always imagined disappear into nothing.
"I have to go, Luna. I—" He takes a step towards her as he speaks, and she takes a step back, wrapping her arms tightly around herself.
She closes her eyes tight for a few seconds before looking back up into his violet eyes. "So this is goodbye?" Her voice cracks but she's way past the point of caring about it.
He holds her eyes, skimming her face as if he were trying to memorize it, and it is a long moment before he speaks. "I wish it didn't have to be, Little Wolf." She's sure she imagines the way his voice is slightly unsteady, and the way his hands seem to shake at his sides.
He reaches for her one more time and she takes a small step away. His hand falls to his side, and he looks behind him as a faint howl sounds in the distance. He doesn't need to say it, she can see the words in his troubled eyes. I have to go now. His eyes search hers for a few more seconds before he turns on his heel and runs into the forest.
Luna stares at the moon for a long while— so long that she somehow finds herself curled up on the exposed root of a tree, Cassian gently shaking her shoulder to wake her. She blinks slowly, reaching up with a hand to touch the spot on her chest that somehow feels hollow now.
"I know," Cassian murmurs, lifting her off the ground and cradling her to his chest as he carries her back home.
