hi um not a vent per-say, but maybe a mini psa too??
i know i have a lot of mutuals,,, and a lot of amazing friends that i don’t say ‘i love you’ enough to bc i’m scared i’m a wimp i’m not who used to be where everything would just come outta my mouth if i thought about it, or how i’d feel about someone friend or s/o
but i’m trying to get back there i want to be ballsy, i want to use my words to express how i feel
i want to feel like i’m actually important again bc i KNOW i am to people here but my brain, for the past 4 years, has fed me thoughts that i don’t matter and this is due to my ex-best friend up and just ditching me without a word someone who i cherished with all of my heart, spoke to her every day, called and met up constantly
she up and ditched me for her asshole boyfriend who’s cheated on her more times than i can count
my ex boyfriend left me in a depressive state as well, but that’s a story for another day
i have amazing people here who love and support me, and offer me that support if i ever need it and a lot of the time i do i do but i shut myself down and deal with it myself even though i shouldn’t
i’m trying harder to open up to people and i really, REALLY want to work on that
my boyfriend is my biggest confidence boost and he tells me i have amazing and wonderful friends here and i do i really do so thank you all for being here and dealing with my weird, emotional moments
i’m very insecure about myself and everything lately, and i never used to be i never cared what the crap people thought of me, or what they might say about me i loved myself all the time bc i knew i was different and that made me happy
and i’ll get to that stage again
but i’m trying hard to work myself back up to that forever talkative stage, and no, not my nervous talkative, where my confidence takes over bc i’m nervous, no not that
where i KNOW i’m confident to come to y’all when i’d like, and if you don’t mind me doing that ofc i love all of you so much
i gush to my boyfriend about so many of you and he tells me that he can see my love and adoration for y’all shining through and that makes him really happy, to see me happy
so giant, giant thank you to all of you
for cherishing ME over my messy blog and muses
thank you ♥
