i think a lot of people think being kind is innate and some people are just kind and others are not, but as we’ve discussed many times before, being kind is truly a choice. and I would know, because I’m very in tune with the ugliness of me, and that of the people who raised me, and I can confidently say that I was not always kind. not in the “I fucked up now and then in specific moments” manner, but in the “for many years I was truly not a kind person in any and every way”.
I’m sure that kindness can come more naturally to some than others; for some, patience also comes easier whereas others struggle, naturally. those differences exist and are okay. but generally, for everyone, kindness is a choice you have to make every single time. and I think that it helps to be honest with yourself about your unkindness when you want to truly become kinder. you cannot improve that which you don’t acknowledge. I couldn’t become kinder before I even realised and accepted that I was, in fact, not kind.
not in the self deprecating way, though — self deprecating isn’t helpful in the slightest, I think it actually stops your growth but that’s just my opinion. but just becoming okay with the facts. I realised I hadn’t been kind, that I had anger management issues and that I often pushed responsibility onto others for what was my own doing. I realised it and I came to terms with it and then I asked myself: what can I do to be better?
I think I had, generally, a good “reason” for being the way I was. I wasn’t nice because the world hadn’t been nice to me. that wasn’t something I was taught. so I found my place in it in the only way I knew: by surviving with rage and hatred and punishing my environment even if they were not directly responsible for what happened to me. but I understood eventually that it was only me who could change. I couldn’t pick my parents or siblings or the people that hurt me.
and when I started working on this and actively tried to see everything from different shoes than my own and extended kindness to others, the world naturally started extending kindness to me. (that being said, does not mean whatsoever that kind people never receive ugly. of course kind people can still be mistreated. I’m just trying to say my perspective changed with it. before I may not have seen the kindness that was reached out to me.
rambling on but the crux of it all is, I think we should stop seeing it as a negative thing to admit flaws about yourself. I can be manipulative. I’m aware of that, and I work my ass off not to be. this is a defence mechanism, but it isn’t beneficial to me anymore. simply by acknowledging this I have already taken a step in the right direction. no one is perfect and even those who have been less nice than others can grow from that and become kinder. and I believe people deserve that chance too, so I always like to extend some grace, though, that doesn’t give you a free pass to keep abusing it and go “oopsie” every time you mistreat me (or someone else). but truly we have to start somewhere and I think everyone could become kinder, if they really wanted to.
