Discover Top Posts Tagged with #or just.

which is. probably why the eye sees her as such a threat.

in reference to my last post/reblog wtv btw

the eye created astral to be THE strongest. THE best. their intention was likely NOT to make exploits, but false players. but at some point in the process, astral gained consciousness amd escaped. and thats why their exploits keep getting WORSE, why they have to target ASTRAL specifically. they NEED her back, lest she destroy all of their plans

#airy's silly thoughts ~~°☆#this is goong SOLELY off the assumption of botstral being canon #or just.#this is within that au where its canon #this is canon to the botstral au not ssmp itsef ‼️#anyways go girlboss destroy their faction youre the only one who could

day 50 of asking jisung and minho to cover jane doe by kenshi yonezu and hikaru utada

#PLEASEEEEEEEEE #or just.#like any cover of anything #minsung

I should draw something myself.

#F.urry g.ore I mean.#Or just.#O.ther Type of A.rt.#In general.#. . .#Yes I'm feeling a bit o.dd and w.eird and n.egative overall why do you a.sk.#mine

Haven't eaten a chunk of meat since last Wednesday, I think if I don't eat some today I will go bonkers. Ham slices aren't enough.

#I'd k.ill for some bbq r.ibs rn.#Or just.#Any meat.#With s.auce.#And that one s.alad.#I ate however more v.eggies and f.ruit!!!#And less c.hocolate.#Everyone CLAP NOW.#/J #dlt ltr

made it to week 5 as of today! the embryo is apparently the size of a sesame seed at this point :) i told 5 friends, the donor, and 3 people i've been seeing. and my physiotherapist lol. (he was the best one. a few minutes after i told him, he stopped in the middle of what he was saying and asked, "wait, am i the ONLY one who knows????" total panic lol). debating whether to tell my mom and stepmom but i have a feeling that it would be less troublesome to wait a bit. i won't tell my dad until i've reached the 2nd trimester. physically, things are already quite different. i was cramping a few days leading up until implantation, which ended up happening 3 days before i took the test. there was just a faint hint of blood which i thought was my period starting early, but was actually the little clump of cells burrowing into my uterine wall. the day after implantation, i got chills which lasted on and off for a few days. i had sniffles and a bit of a sore throat, but apparently this could have just been the pregnancy and not an actual cold.

the cramping has been consistent. kinda like my uterus is super tender, and so even regular digestive processes seem to cause a bit of pain and discomfort. i feel like i need to pee all the time too. my boobs are SO sore.

already nauseous. that started pretty quickly after the positive test last week. mostly it's been really mild, almost like a constant calming sensation in the background. but today it got a tad more intense. i tried to have some ginger candies, which seem to get me through the more intense moments. i couldn't finish the decaf coffee a date had made me, but i made it through a martial arts class just fine (i've switched to a less intense one now. this one doesn't involve taking multiple blows to the abdomen every. single. class. lol. and no more free sparring which i feel is just too risky). sometimes the nausea goes away for a bit when i eat.

i've been trying to eat more protein with each meal. last week i found i was really craving dairy products. past couple of days i've been craving blueberries. orange juice has folate so i'm trying to drink some daily. also trying to have (cooked) leafy greens more often. and of course been taking my vitamins daily!

whatever hormones are surging through me right now, they feel like they have a stabilizing effect on my emotions and mood. i feel very steady!! i'm so relieved about this, because of my history of horrid PMS i was worried i'd react badly (though i'm fairly certain i will have some sort of postpartum mental health issue). i also am naturally waking up earlier everyday for some reason. sometimes it's as if i can feel my blood flow increasing, like a warm rushing through my body.

at this stage, there is more than a 1 in 10 chance of miscarriage. but i'm feeling happy and optimistic! i have a bunch of tasks planned out per trimester, and i'm already worried i'm not starting soon enough! but i did sign up to the birthing centre made an appointment with a midwife. i started the process of putting myself on the subsidized daycare waitlist but it was annoying so i stopped. my friend will help me finish tomorrow! oh, and that friend (who is also a smbc) offered to be present at the birth which is soooooo touching and honestly a huge relief!!! with all the stuff i have to buy to prepare my apartment, i don't think i can afford the few thousand dollars (!!!) it would cost for a doula (and would it be redundant if i have a midwife?? but what if there's complications and i get transferred to a hospital anyway. etc etc.) and i would prefer that my friend and major inspiration for this project be there with me :)

#pregante or pegnate or gregnant #or just.#pregnancy diaries #smbc #i had a lot more to say about this week than i though i would lol

actually fucking criminal at they can't be loved and cherished by my V

#or just.#by me #i love them #Viktor more then Goro but i DO love Goro also #cyberpunk 2077 #viktor vector #goro takemura

I love seeing those posts with the parents celebrating their queer kids, tbh.

But it's like a bittersweet, double-edged sword for me. I'm so happy for these people and it means so much knowing people are out there that are respectful and accepting of their kids and of the LGBT+ community.

And it just reminds me that the people I'm around, that I work with or live with/near just... aren't. They aren't like that. They don't accept us. Or they just dismiss me and my feelings. My sibling is the only one who isn't like that in my life. And it hurts to realize that. But, at the same time, I'm not in the worst situation, I'm not in physical danger (if you don't count my general workplace hazards). I just. Can't be out. I can't go around wearing my flag in the open. I can't casually mention that I'm aro or queer in some way without scorn or dismissal. And I can't talk about the problems I have or the successes I've found. Because they don't wanna listen. Because I don't matter to these people outside of a "carefree" smile and "Disney Princess" attitude.

I wish I was more.

More courageous. More interesting. More well-spoken.

More palatable.

But I'm not. And I never will be on at least a couple of those things (working on the courage, lol). And I shouldn't have to wish for that just so people would listen to me or take me seriously. I'm 24. I know my voice is squeaky. I know I act carefree and easy-going. But that doesn't mean I don't want to be taken seriously or don't want people to listen to me.

Or that I don't want to be myself.

I want to be a whole person. Not a caricature of myself or a shell of a person I don't know.

I'm tired.