Oh wow, I’m surprised to get a request for this one. I’ve never written this pairing before, but I’ll see what I can do. lol
The song that shuffle served up was Michael Jackson’s Thriller, so strap in.
“Jeez,” Totoko said, a slight whine in her voice as she crossed her arms in front of her. “That was kind of a shitty movie, wasn’t it?”
“I dunno,” Osomatsu said, sticking his hands into his pockets. “I thought it was pretty good.”
Totoko huffed in annoyance. “Of course you did,” she muttered. His eyes had been glued to the lead’s tits the entire goddamn movie. And sure, tits ten meters high were kind of distracting, but his living, breathing, super fucking hot girlfriend had been sitting right next to him!
She frowned to herself, and moved her crossed arms so they were below her bust. Might as well remind him what he was dealing with here.
His steps slowed, and she saw his eyes widen a little even as he pretended that he wasn’t staring. There. Eat it, asshole.
Still. Lazy, shiftless boyfriends aside, it was a nice night. The fall chill was just starting to ride the wind and the moon was so full that she probably could have seen the ground just fine without the street lights.
Osomatsu walked a little closer to her, his hip bumping against hers even as he tried to make it casual. “Say,” he said, and Totoko knew that voice. Whatever was about to come next was probably going to be totally stupid, possibly illegal, and admittedly a lot of fun. “D’you wanna–”
There was a muffled sound from the side street next to them, and Totoko stopped. “Did you hear that?” she asked.
He paused. “Um… No?”
“Shh, shut up,” she said, reaching up to cover his mouth. “There’s something down there.”
The two of them waited there for a moment, watching the shadows to make sure they stayed put. Totoko squared herself, feeling her center of gravity lock down hard. If something was coming, she wasn’t gonna let it get past her.
“Ugh, you’re imagining things, Totoko-chan. There’s nothing down th–”
A snap, a bang, an unearthly shriek. A cat darted past them to run for the sparse cover of the park, and shambling after it…
“What the fuck is that thing!?”
“Shut up, Osomatsu! What does it fucking look like?” she snapped.
Gray, peeling skin. A jaw hinged like a long-broken puppet. Fingers that grasped at nothing until fingernails cracked and crumbled into bloody misery. That, unless she was very much mistaken, was a zombie. What the hell was a zombie doing out there in the middle of a quiet, residential neighborhood? No, wait, strike that? What the hell was a zombie doing in the middle of real life?
“You stay back!” she shouted. Could zombies understand human speech? Hell, she didn’t know. For all she knew, their undead brains were pudding between their ears. “He may not look like much, but my boyfriend knows karate! He’ll beat your ass up!”
She took a step back, ready to take cover – only to find that cover had fucking high-tailed it. “Osomatsu!” she yelled after his fading footsteps. “You fucking shithead! Get the hell back here! What kind of shitty fucking boyfriend runs off to let his girl get eaten by zombies?!”
“A living one!” she heard, faint as the crickets, and her teeth came together with a snap.
Fucking asshole. Stupid shitty worthless NEET. Sure, he was good for a bit of fun on a boring Saturday night. Sure, her heart beat a little faster when he trailed his fingers down the inside of her knee. And sure, she didn’t need to bother to pretend to be a good girl when she was around him.
But Totoko wasn’t the type to lie to herself. That guy’s bullshit went down to his fucking roots, and if there was one thing she’d come to know as well as she knew her own fists, he was nothing to depend on.
Good thing she had herself for that.
She grabbed an old piece of plywood sitting by a neighbor’s trash and she hefted it up high, planting her feet square on the pavement. “You stupid fucker,” she said to the zombie before she swung, “This was my fucking date night! I fucking waxed for this!”
And that had hurt a hell of a lot more than it did when her beam connected with zombie flesh, digging into her palms with brute force and leaving splinters behind it.
Its head went flying and she watched it go. “Stupid date-ruining asshole,” she muttered, and she wasn’t sure if she meant the zombie or Osomatsu.
There was another shift to her left. A second later, one behind her. Date-ruiner hadn’t been alone, it seemed.
Well, let them fucking come. She had a whole lot of rage to work out.
And after they were done, she had a boyfriend to find.
