Oct 26, 2017
i justfeel so hurt like its hurting so deep theres nothing to be done to it.
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i justfeel so hurt like its hurting so deep theres nothing to be done to it.
I kind of now know where my anxiety is coming from and stuff, I have this fear, really, I didnt know much of it before but now it sort of makes sense. I have fear of abandonment and rejection. because of it I always doubt will my friendships past, I fear I make others angry and annoy them so they wouldn’t be my friends anymore. I never really confess or tell how i feel, or how I think, or say my opinions since they might sound dumb or someone just doesnt care enough to hear them. I think overall,I used to be like okay with everything. I’m okay if they are angry with me,vent to me, rp with me. If I asked to rp usually the other party was too busy so eventually I stopped and instead wait ppl to ask ‘hey you wanna rp or something’... It kinda sucks. But I hope I’ll get courage to voice myself, not just be okay with whatever bullshit ppl pull on me. tho I am naíve so I bet it’s eventually happening again. welp, heres this dont mind it, I just wanted to write it to somewhere.
So there is something wrong with me
My friend suggested to me, when i told about my horrible start of a week, that I may have *Anxiety disorder* I did few tests and read through the symptoms and my symptoms are following; • Worrying about things way too much/ 'what if' thoughts • Heartbeats/sweating/tightness in throat/ loss of voice • thoughts don't go forward/ mind goes blank • crying/sobbing with no control over it once it starts • can't breath well/ shaking • wanting to get out of the situation These are only few of the symptoms and im so scared and upset about the fact that i have this. It just sounds like I'm overly dramatic but to me it's solethibg i've been always questioning. Why am I like this? Why do i have to care? Why do i fear for no real reason? Monday i wished i didnt exist Today i wish i could get some help from school psygologist. But I fear my fam will say "thats pointless. Theres nothing wrong with u"but they dont know that there is.