NINE. OTNESS
Misconceptions
Some people think that every woman’s only job is to always look her best. It does not matter whether they were smart, or if they were beautiful on the inside. We have to always look pretty so that a man would one day sweep us off our feet and everything else will follow; nothing more, nothing less.
I grew up in an environment that continuously made me feel that I had to fit myself in particular standards of beauty in order to one day have a fulfilling husband and therefore, a fulfilling life, but these are standards I now know I can never achieve. I used to be under the impression that I had to be fit and skinny because it would make me a more likable person. My height was cut short and I am surrounded by families of tall stature. My face was too round, my nose was too big, and my skin was too dark. These were things about myself that I felt the need to change all because society said so. People told me that I had to always look my best so that one day, someone out there in the world would kneel, pull a ring out and ask me to spend the rest of my life with them because marriage is the only thing we women live for, right?
People who think that women are nothing more than a man’s wife are one of the reasons why objectification, discrimination, and oppression of women in the society continue to exist. They are one of the reasons why we now live in a patriarchal society, a society in favor of men and downgrades women. Gender roles such as perspectives that see men as the only deserving provider of the family and women are suppose to stay at home are one of the factors why society now views women as people who are inferior to men. Another thing is that beauty pageants and modeling are root causes of why society objectifies women. We see men for their mind while we see women for their body. I myself have witnessed such discrimination of women and it was something I should not have tolerated. These experiences only gave me more reason to voice out our stand as women who are constantly forced to conform to gender roles. It only gave me a stronger determination to stand up for ourselves and prove that marriage is not the only thing women aspire for.
It was the 28th of February, my Grandmother’s birthday and we were all celebrating at her place. Her house was usually dim and lifeless but that day was different; her house was now gleaming with life. All the lights were brightly lit, there were tables and chairs all over the place, the karaoke was playing, and an endless buffet of heaven was served at the middle of the house. I was admiring the enormous glistening chandelier near the stairwell. Alas, it was being used I thought and it looked magnificent that night despite all the dust it has collected over the years.
My cousin and I were sitting on the couch minding our own business. After moments of staring mindlessly at the party being held, our uncle sat on the chair beside ours. He looked at my cousin and said, “Alam mo, ang tangkad mo nga ang taba mo naman. Sinong lalaki ang magkakagusto sa’yo?” Both of us turned to his direction at the same time. I was shocked by the words that came out of his mouth. Rage sparked inside me the moment he said those words, but I kept silent. We both kept silent. Even I got offended because if she was tall and overweight, how much more for my case? I was small, overweight, and I wasn’t even close to pretty. I know both of us wanted to say something but I only kept quiet because I respect the man and now I realized that I should not have let such things pass. I should have stood up for my cousin. I should have stood up for the both of us.
Even if I respect him or not, he should know that we women were not born in this world to make ourselves look pretty so that men would want to marry them. I should have asked him whether or not this was what he wanted little girls out there to think; that men would only want to marry because beauty is all there is to a woman. Another thing is if I were to decide that I wanted to lose weight, I would do it for my sake and not for the sake of a man who would only marry me because I was skinny.
Unfortunately, he is not the only one who believes in such ignorance and sadly, we live in a world that continues to imply that women should fit themselves in a particular standard of beauty so that they would live a better life.
However, amidst all the discrimination and even though this is the case, I still believe that there is hope in creating a better world. If only everybody would understand that we should not let our physical attributes define who we are. If only everybody would understand that whether a person is a man or a woman, we have the freedom to choose how we want to live our lives and everyone should realize that no woman needs a man to complete her life. Only then will we be from all this injustice. Only then will society be free from gender inequalities and stereotyping; only then can we say that we now live in a better world.