Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Syndrome. I heard the name for the first time a few days ago. It’s also called “Cassandra Syndrome.”
I’ve been doing some research into it — nothing extensive — but there’s a detail I find consistently in these articles that I feel the need to set straight.
OTRS, according to the articles, presents in relationships where a Neurotypical person is married to a Neurodivergent person — relationships where the ND spouse fails to empathize with and respect the perspective of the NT spouse. It’s a little more complicated than that, but the gist is that All Neurodivergent people are being painted as potential abusers.
What these articles fail to acknowledge is that they are not talking about Autism, but Alexithymia. About 50% of Autistic people also present signs of Alexithymia (“no words for emotions” or difficulty processing emotions). The articles also fail to acknowledge that a person can be Alexithymic without being Autistic.
So Cassandra Syndrome is being portrayed as an NT/ND problem, but it’s actually more complicated than that.
I’m Autistc. I’m ADHD. I shwaffle sometimes between thinking I’m Alexithymic and thinking I’m not. But I do have a sibling who is very much Autistic and very much Alexithymic.
We’re both neurodivergent, but based on the descriptions of the symptoms of OTRS, I am confident that I have been living with it all my life.
I just think it’s a little funny. “Cassandra Syndrome” is named after the Trojan woman Cassandra who rejected Apollo’s advances. He cursed her so that she would have the gift of prophecy, but no one would ever believe her. She predicted the fall of Troy, but her own people refused to listen. “Cassandra Syndrome” is named this way to reflect the helplessness of NT partners who are not believed when they express that the source of their depression is from a partner who cannot empathize with them, who seems incapable of apologizing or accepting fault, who struggles to see outside of their own perspective, etc.
I just think it’s funny, because if “Cassandra Syndrome” is used to represent NT people, what about all of the ND people struggling in similar relationships? Or the ND people who are considered problematic partners just for being ND, even though they’re not Alexithymic? What about how the name implies that Alexithymic people represent the ‘Apollo’ side of the story?
If you’re a neurodivergent person struggling as a result of OTRS, know that you are not alone. Know that your experience is valid. If you have a non-Autistic partner with Alexithymia and you are struggling from OTRS, know that you are not alone. Know that your experience is valid. The articles don’t mention all of us. That doesn’t mean we don’t exist.
For all of the ND people who have been or will be accused of causing OTRS in a relationship simply because you are Autistic, know that you are not alone. We do not lack empathy. We have full, emotional lives. You are valued. You are not alone.
