#ourladyoflazarus

[idiosyncatsy]

I will salt the earth behind me

eternal sunshine/flower face x iwtv (2022-)

[books-and-cookies]

epilogue, author

Epilogue: What is a book that made you cry?

the last one that I remember is Crescent City by Sarah J. Maas

Author: What is a book you really regret buying?

Stalking Jack the Ripper by Keri Maniscalco - reading the story, I just couldn’t see why so many people love it; and Wilder Girls by Rory Power - great concept, terrible execution

Thank you! <3

[bemusedlybespectacled]

Books: poignant / philosophical / non-american and/or Personal Story: first time you fell in love

I’ll go with the second one!

So I genuinely think that I’ve been in love exactly twice. I have dated more than two people, obviously, but in terms of being in love, I have a very distinct way that I feel it, and I’ve only felt that twice. My boyfriend is actually my second love. My first love was my ex-girlfriend.

I met her when we were both in high school: she was a sophomore, and I was a junior. And I remember extremely clearly exactly what date it was that I saw her (September 9th, 2009), what time it was (start of second block, so it would have been around 9 AM), and where we both were (she was in the doorway of the chorus room, and I was putting my bag down in the side room where we all kept our backpacks). 

I have absolutely no memory of how we started to be friends, and I don’t think I had a crush on her immediately. I did definitely start developing a crush around the time of our homecoming dance, because she went with another girl but we did dance with each other and that was the first time I really felt comfortable dancing with someone else and not feeling self-conscious or bored.

The thing was, I absolutely couldn’t date her. My dad worked for my high school, so there was no way I could have any relationship, let alone a relationship with a girl. (It is not coincidental that all three of my high school relationships were with people who didn’t attend the same school as me.) So I just had a really bad crush.

Sometime in May that year, I went to a three-day weekend retreat thing for teenage writers. At one point I’ll go into all the stuff that happened there, but it was really important to me for both writing-reasons and emotional-reasons. And I’m listening to this live band playing, and I’m writing poetry in my journal (which I never did before, but you spend three days in a writer’s camp listening to slam poetry and it just starts coming out of you), and I’m thinking about her, and as I’m writing this poem, I just sudden think, “Oh my God, I’m in love with her.”

And the thing is, that was a horrible feeling, because I didn’t think I could ever be with her, so it wasn’t “yay I’ve fallen in love,” it was “oh fuck, I’ve fallen in love.” And I started crying (I’m tearing up a little just remembering it). So picture, if you will, wee sixteen-year-old BB, sitting at a cafeteria table at a college campus at like 8:00 at night, live music in the background, writing furiously in a notebook and crying.

For people who aren’t privy to all my relationship updates: I met my boyfriend two months later and started dating him three months after that, but I carried a torch for my ex-girlfriend for an entire six years subsequent to that first realization, finally started dating her in 2016 after a lot of mutual pining, and then broke up with her less than two years later because of reasons I don’t want to go into on Tumblr.

Ask me some Deep Fucking Questions during this social distancing thing.

[kenobiwaned]

hannibal for the thing

Woot!

The first character I first fell in love with: That scene with Will and his dogs is what first really made me love a character on the show.

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: Zeller. He was so antagonistic in season one but by season two I adored him and I was actively demanding more Zeller in season three.

The character everyone else loves that I don’t: I don’t know if I have one for this fandom? The majority of the characters are so well fleshed out that I end up liking them.

The character I love that everyone else hates: Same problem as above. Freddie Lounds maybe? But I don’t really feel like everyone hates her.

The character I used to love but don’t any longer: The closest I can get is Bedelia, I liked her less than I did in S1 and S2.

The character I would totally smooch: Who don’t I want to smooch on the show? It’s a much shorter list comprised of Mason Verger and Cordell.

The character I’d want to be like: Beverly of course! She’s just so awesome and I really like her fashion sense.

The character I’d slap: Hannibal. He needs slapping on occasion, much as I love him he can be a real asshole. 

A pairing that I love: Hannigram naturally. Preller, Marlana, Bev/that red leather jacket, Jack/Bella.

A pairing that I despise:  Two characters that never met but I would have liked to have a scene together: Since I don’t really have a pairing that I despise either I thought I’d do this instead. Abigail and Matthew Brown, I can’t really say why I would have liked to see them in a scene, but I would have.

[idiosyncatsy]

you know what, fuck it, actually, maybe the reason my traitorous Latin student heart cares about vane is that he's. the aeneas of the piece.

flint is so smart and so cunning and so /wily/, always six steps ahead, master manipulator, can talk his way into and out of anything. loses significant parts of his crew on the regular bc that's not his priority. he has an overarching goal and nothing can make him forget it and he'll kill you to get there and he'll also let you die on accident because whoops, failed experiment, but let's try it again. wily odysseus.

but vane is the aeneas to that. brutal, straightforward. not clever, but stalwart. the one /getting/ manipulated. sees the bigger picture, but easily distracted by (a) pretty face(s). ultimately here for the people around him: protect and provide for your own, everything else is secondary. bull-headed and merciless but guided by some weird twisted internal moral compass that only he is aware of. the worst, but in a distinctly different way from flint, who is also the worst.

hate that they're getting me in my classics sensibilities, that feels. unfair.

[idiosyncatsy]

hotel mira for the thing

yay!

How long have I listened to them?

I feel like....a little over a year seriously, casually before then.

Favourite song:

Making Progress

Least Favourite song:

Not many songs I dislike, but I have to be in a very specific mood for Watering Concrete.

Favourite Album:

GOD! It was 'I Am Not Myself', but I do think 'Pity Party' supplanted it.

First song I’ve heard from them:

I cannot remember precisely but I think it was 'Fever Pitch.'

Have I ever Seen them in Concert?

YES! That boy sure can wiggle.

Any merch I posess:

None but I DO want the Making Progress sweatshirt with 'forget your heart/protect your neck' on the arms. One of those pieces of merch where I think it's actually funnier if people don't know what it means.

Favourite Single/Music Video:

I don't know their videos, but I did really like America's Favorite Pastime as a single.

Favourite Member, current:

I don't really know the members, but the lead singer is certainly a memorable guy (positive).

[idiosyncatsy]

I'm perfectly able to hold my own hand / but I still can't kiss my own neck

Civilian, Wye Oak / Interview with the Vampire 2x1, 1x7, 1x2

[musicboxmemories]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! Get to know your mutuals and followers (ू•‧̫•ू⑅)♡

Prepare to be vastly underwhelmed, cuz I'm as snoretastic as they come in terms of excitement lol. But thank you for sending! <3

Writing (I write every single day -- perhaps to the point of serious derangement lol. My mom once told me I could take a day off, and then I basically laughed and did not).

Reading (In that same vein, I gotta go with books! <3 I've been reading a lot of nonfiction lately, for some reason, which I never bothered with prior to 2.020).

The sound of train whistles cutting through the night. (I recently discovered I can hear trains from my house in the burbs, and I find it oddly comforting -- probably because as a kid, when we visited my grandparents up in PA, I could always hear trains at night when we stayed over).

I'm going to stick with sounds, and say rain! There's nothing like having a day off work and curling underneath a blanket with my cats, beholden to nothing but a Big NapTM while the rain beats steadily outside.

Last but not least, my family and cats! They're number one, tbh, but I figured I'd keep from rotting everyone's teeth until the very end of this list lol.