So I kind of just want to announce, here at two in the morning, that the big reason I really want to come back is because of how happy I am right now.
You guys might notice that my disappearance coincides with my getting hired at my first job in my new home city in Arizona, re: period of adjustment, being busy and tired, etc. And now I’m
just
It’s a great job. Exhausting, and the schedule means I rarely get to check out performances and such on the weekends, but it’s so great. My coworkers are friendly and helpful, the customers are great, and many of the regulars are becoming my friends. The pace is comfortable, even when it’s crazy busy - the type of work I’m doing is just my style, I’m learning new things every day, I rarely if ever feel left in the lurch because I don’t know how to do something (I made meatloaf today, and my boss didn’t just expect me to know how right off the bat - she helped just the right amount, and it turned out great). The perks (see: getting to eat the leftovers, getting tips) are awesome, and so many nice dogs come in and sit outside the kitchen for scritichies and bit of bacon.
People all over town call me by my preferred name and pronouns, and my social anxiety has never been lower - on all but my worst days I can just talk to people, and they just talk to me, and it’s so comfortable. The area is gorgeous, my rent is low, I got my food assistance and found clothes and etc. I need at thrift stores all over.
Even better, my relationship with my mother has benefited greatly from the distance between us. She isn’t in charge of me anymore, and thus can’t hurt me when she’s having a bad spell. The change in my mental health has been incredible.
It’s just...my life is finally starting to turn around, you know? After some ten years of mounting chaos and continuous trauma of varying grades, I finally feel like my life can begin. I’m finally happy, finally making progress. If I pick up another part-time job during the week, I’ll be able to save to get back to college.
It’s finally happening. I made it. I fucking did it. I made it.
Maker goddamn bless.