#outreach worker

[countryforthesoul]

Where do you take your 15? ☀️⏳

[cumbriacrack]

Ormsgill School launches Friday lunch club A new free monthly lunch club has been launched at Ormsgill School in Barrow for anyone aged 50 and over to attend. Full story: https://www.cumbriacrack.com/2018/03/27/ormsgill-school-launches-friday-lunch-club/

[their-life-is-a-movie]

today my outreach worker gave me a bit of a grilling. She asked me if i had eaten, i was honest and replied no. She got a firm tone in her voice and said that i look gaunt, tired and unwell and that she has never seen me look so unwell before. She asked how my dietitian appointment went, i told her that she upped my guidlines/meal plan. ‘have you managed to follow it?’ No. I am really super struggling. She then continued to tell me how unsafe and dangerous this is. I told her i know, and if i could fix it i would. 

She asked me if i was going to eat before art group. I shook my head. She was extremely worried that i would pass out in group, i told her i would be fine. I had drunk and i had coffee. But she wasn’t impressed. - I wanted to be like...’Well, if i pass out, you are first aid trained right?’ BUT. Decided that wouldn’t be big or clever, this is not a ‘say what ever comes into your head session’ like with Michael. 

She kept telling me how unsafe this is, and how unwell i look. - I look unwell...because i *am* unwell...how about that huh? Then she pulled the 'If you can't do it for yourself, can you do it for Toby?' line. I hate it when they pull that line. It hurts. ‘What if you passed out in public with Toby? That isn’t fair on Toby..then what would you do?’ - To be honest, if i passed out in public i don’t know what i would do. But it is another reason why i wear an over the shoulder lead, because he is attached to me that way. I suspect if i passed out in public someone might call 000 and ask for an ambulance. Bleh. 

10.5.16

[their-life-is-a-movie]

I’m feeling very confused, I met with outreach worker today. This is the second time i have left the session feeling attacked and not understood or listened too now. 

She wanted to do a safety plan. To which I replied...

‘Realllllyyyy? I have given you two safety plans, both are lengthy documents. We really don't need to do another. They are pages long.’

'We do because I'm from a different organisation'

'But I gave you permission to get the one from cath (my case manager) and i physically handed you a copy of my other one'

'We need to do this one...it is different'

She showed me a piece of paper with traffic light coloured sections, red crisis, amber little struggles, green travelling well. Handed me a copy. I told her i felt this was really a waste of our time due to having two perfectly good documents, but we did it anyway, well. She did it.

‘Ok, Well... you can write then, i am sorry but this is ridiculous. I’m sorry but it is’ *sits on the floor*

‘Ok, are you ok?’

‘No, i am tired and i just think this is a waste of time because we have done this several times’ 

So i sat on the floor, and rallied off the usual shit that goes on a safety plan, what are the signs i am struggling? What are the signs that i am going along well? What is the plan for crisis times? I can relay this stuff in my sleep, it is drilled into me!

She then asked me what i thought of Cath.

'What makes you ask that?' 'She just comes across very....' 'Abrupt?' 'Yes, she never has time to talk.' 'She is to the point, that's her way. She's a busy lady. She sees clients, she over sees a team, and is the go to person if a young persons case manager/psych/OT is off. It took me a while to warm to her. But she would NEVER bullshit me. If i call and need her help and support, she will always return calls...she has offered extra appointments on many occasions. And I like that' 'Ok. She just doesn't come across very professional'

(I honestly don't give a shit what she thinks about Cath, I like Cath, she is to the point, doesn't take shit, wouldn't give me shit. It works. Believe me if i didn't think Cath or Michael were any good i would find who i would need to speak to to air my opinion and sort it.)

She has now told me three times that i am difficult to work with. I wouldn't say i was difficult. SOmtimes i cant use my words, and i get that must be hard. But i engage well. In the grand scheme of difficult. I would say i was not that difficult. I know things are not straight forward and easy. But if you think of it this way, adolescents are difficult. Young adults are difficult. Humans who fall into the health system are difficult....to some extent.  she told me today that she has no personal experience with mental illness. (Which is fine, that is all fine, i am not expecting everyone who works in the field to have that. and even if they have...to share - unless they're in a peer support role, then it is kinda your job!)

But that was followed by 'when you cannot explain it is difficult to work with you' - then i try and explain and she cuts me off. She kept saying she felt stressed and hadn't stopped all day. and at 3 i woulda been her last client. BUT NOT GOOD EXCUSE - I am not expecting her to be perfect 24/7, that isn’t human! But things need to be worded better...e.g: ‘Oh Ell, i haven’t stopped all day do you mind if i just make a cuppa? Would you like one? And we focus on this week and pick up other tings next time we meet?’ - by saying that you are human, and supportive. I do not expect perfection, heck Michael doesn’t have his shit together, but he is never rude! He still hasn’t had a full nights sleep since his baby was born before Christmas, he sees a psych himself fourtnightly and has for the past three years, his ex wife causes him shit...and he nearly got knocked down by a fully grown male kangaroo on his run on Monday morning. (i laughed...a lot) He will say, 'Ell i have got back to back appts all day today. do you mind if i make a drink a second' (he always offers me a milo too) I am always early cause of public transport, 'i just need to have something to eat, ill be ten mins i feel dizzy' Heck, sometimes his phone goes off during sessions. He apologies, and all is well. But in no way do i feel the way she (i dunno if made is the right word?) made me feel. I dunno if i make sense.

See, it was working, she was helpful...But is has changed. I dunno if that’s because i am just feeling super shit and struggles. Or she just, isn't really sure what to do to help me, and if that is the case then it needs to be talked about. Because this, currently, is not productive, of helpful for me, and she is stressed...and keeps telling me i am difficult. I am seeing Cath next week, so i will talk to her about this, i will also speak to Michael.

9.3.16