What is enough?
The other day I approached my Mom and said, “Mom, I’m just not sure that I’ll ever have any biological children.” I’m not even sure what prompted this thought. My Mom looked at me and said, “That’s okay. You are a great auntie and a great teacher, and that is enough. Right now, you are very focused on your work too, so you don’t have time for a child.”
This thought is contrary to all that I had planned for myself in this lifetime since my youth. However, after a miscarriage in 2009 that devastated me, my marriage, and shook the entire foundation of my life--I am shocked I even said what I said to my Mom. However, the person I am today is older and wiser than who I was then.
The response of my Mom has had me wondering what I consider enough to be in my life. I’ve always thought that one day I’d be a mom. At my age, I think it’s an unspoken societal expectation for anyone over the age of 30. An expectation that can cause many judgments on a woman. I also think there are many judgments of a woman’s worth based on whether or not they are a mother. So often, if a childless woman offers advice to a mother she is seen as someone who doesn’t know what she is talking about.
It’s funny because I don’t find that thought process to be true. I have been a babysitter/nanny, cousin, and auntie. I’ve been present in the delivery room of 3 children in this lifetime. I understand the miracle of birth. I even understand the urgency of doctors when a woman isn’t progressing and needs to have a c-section (no judgments from me on this one). I know how to change a diaper. I know the secrets of teething tablets and gripe water. The rotation of Tylenol and Ibuprofen when a fever is looming. Yet, I’ve lost friends because I am not a mother. I’ve lost friends because I haven’t given birth and don’t know. I think this thought is crap. Even now, as I write it seems like nonsense. Clearly whoever doesn’t want to be my friend because I don’t have children is a fool because I’m awesome-sauce. Yes. Awesome-sauce. I have raised more children than most women knowing that they weren’t my own. Like Mary Poppins (or Nanny McPhee) I move on when it is time to do so. Each child leaving an imprint on my heart.
Anyways this is not to complain about my child-less-ness this is to express thoughts exacerbated this morning by a link sent to me from a family friend. Initially, my thoughts loomed on why she sent it to me. I have a boyfriend. So, technically I’m not single. However, the quotes in the link are still relevant for the women in her 30′s who doesn’t have children yet.
I am happy as a human being. I keep myself so busy most days that my Mom was right in saying that I don’t have time for a child right now. That small bit that I haven’t done is nothing compared to what I have done--or have yet to do and experience. Don’t get me wrong, if it were to happen, I’d adjust accordingly. Like every woman on this planet does.