Don’t let your anger get the best of you… 6 steps to overcoming your anger so you don’t have to suppress or explode
Anger is a natural human emotion. In and of itself, anger is not bad, it may be well founded and can even be a motivating factor for bringing about positive change. For example, the end of slavery, women having the right to vote, laws to protect children and holding drunk drivers accountable for their actions all came about because enough people were angry enough to organize and demand change.
Irritation and annoyance are facets of anger and are at the low end of the scale of anger. Rage and fury are extreme, therefore at the high end of the anger scale and can be incredibly destructive. It is the use, intensity and frequency of anger that can get us in trouble. People with anger problems often find themselves saying or doing things that they later regret. They find it is destructive to their relationships and often struggle with devastating consequences such as lost jobs, missed opportunities and damage to their reputations. They even suffer health problems such as hyper-tension, heart disease, depression and headaches.
Here are 6 steps to help you learn about your anger and move forward
Acknowledge that you have a problem. If you have an anger problem, chances are others have shared their concerns and you know on some level, it’s true. Whether you are willing to admit this is another thing. What you resist will persist so acceptance is the first step to change.
Begin to keep track of your angry outbursts and look for patterns. Chances are, your angry outburst aren’t about what you think they are. Rather they are about underlying pain, beliefs or emotions that specific people, events or circumstances trigger. By doing this, you will begin to have a better understanding. Once you have more understanding, you begin to feel empowered.
Disrupt your angry outburst before they happen. Once you discover what really is setting you off, you can interrupt the cycle. When you recognize you are getting angry, take an emotional step back…take a few deep breaths, feel yourself in your body and shift to more positive feelings. For example, if you find yourself getting angry at a family member, take deep breaths, focus on your body and think about something about them you love.
Practice “taking 5” by asking yourself: is this going to matter in five minutes, five hours, five days or even five months? Often when “taking 5,” we recognize what is upsetting us in this moment isn’t even going to matter in five minutes.
Consider the other person’s perspective. Did the other person make a mistake, do they simply have a different opinion, are you taking things out of context or does your anger even have anything to do with them? Is it possible, you were looking for a reason to be angry and they have simply given you an excuse?
Work on forgiving yourself and those people who have made you mad. Contrary to popular belief, forgiveness is something we do for ourselves more than something we do for others. When we refuse to forgive, we give away our power because we are keeping ourselves tied to painful past events, people and circumstances. When we forgive, we become empowered to live life on our own terms.
For help learning and building your skills for controlling and dealing with anger, visit coachmonique.com or call 412-400-2085 today for more information.
A certified Emotional Intelligence, Executive Coach, and Life Coach, Monique serves business organizational leaders in providing coaching, corporate training, and effective business strategies. With a proven record of delivering culture change she brings documented results of strengthening individuals and groups to move forward with renewed focus, optimism, and clarity in their personal and professional lives.
