#overcoming shit

[ouchmynardz]

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I'm typing this tonight because it's finally time to say this aloud. Only a couple people have heard it, and now I'm ready to put it behind me. May of last year, I had what I was calling my first relationship with a guy I had known for two years, and had been really great friends with. I had chosen to stay in San Diego and pass up an opportunity to move my life to Seattle. I made with decision even though I felt the universe (in the weirdest way) telling me to go. My reason for staying was this friend battling alcoholism and me feeling guilty for leaving him. A month into that relationship, he had a nervous breakdown and slit his throat and wrist with a boxcutter. We were on a vacation to a music festival, and I was less than ten feet from him. He fortunately clicked the shallow setting on the blade and missed the important veins. And the next time I had seen him was a couple days later when I got back in town. He quickly swept the whole incident under the rug, and informed me that he was getting back together with his ex. I later found out they had never actually broken up, and I was some kind of dirty secret. That was the beginning and the end of my first relationship. Quite honestly, I doubt I will ever have the mental energy to pursue another one. But over a year later, I'm still healing from it all. It's been one hellish ride, but I think I've come out a stronger person. I was walking with a friend through the local gay neighborhood of San Diego, and of course I recognized him in the passenger seat of a car that drove by me. Two months ago I would be a nervous wreck. Now... Now I can say that he has no such impact on me any longer. I find comfort in the things scientists, poets, artists, etc say at random times in their lives. I have a notebook of quotes that I keep at-the-ready. What helps me (and helped me) tonight were these two: "Recreate yourselves; and let this be your greatest creation." - Nietszche "I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become." -C.G. Jung No real reason to post this. I've seen posts about overcoming shit on tumblr before, and quite honestly, if you feel as though you're in a similar spot, I hope this gives you at least a little strength. Take as much time as you need to be sad, depressed, angry --any emotion you feel, in whatever order you feel! Feel it as much as you need. Then have the strength to leave it when you're done.

[holyalpacaspoons]

I've officially talked to more people at school two days into this semester than I did all of last semester.

[destroypatriarchy]

Coming to terms with things about myself I haven't wanted to admit is surprisingly relieving

[donut-give-a-fuck-about-abs]

Had the worst emotionally draining week of my life, out of no where my brain flicked a switch and said "fuck you buddy". 

Before heading to the Arnold Classic this morning I was ready to quit lifting weights and just caring about my fitness at all but when I was watching both the women and men compete in the strongman competitions it was a breath of fresh air. 

Seeing in the flesh women beast mode weights I'd struggle with and the pure amazement of what the man could do up close and personal was the best thing I've experienced. 

So here I am, it's 1am and I'm grinding away at the gym because I will not fucking quit another thing I've put so much effort into. 

Fuck you brain, you will not beat me.

[jubbytuneage-blog]

The Kooks - "Naive" 

Great getting-over-him/her-song. 

[rina-the-strange]

My troubles are over and done with.and im a better person for it.

so my family and i let my friend move in two years ago, so she could go to school here when her parents moved. she hasn't been in school, and when she got a job a year ago, its only 3 hours a day, and not very many days. and she refused to get a second job, or a better one. had me and my family drive her around. she'd stay out all night, and pretty much did whatever the fuck she wanted with no respect for me or my family. and she was allowed to live with us rent free and had freedom, which was apparently too much freedom, because it all went to her head. so when i told her me and my family has had it, instead of trying to work things out, she packs up and leave and goes around telling everyone i kicked her out. of course leaving out the "little" details of everything i've done for her, and how i was there when her boyfriend abused her, and her "friend" left her when she refused to date him. i was there for everything and she turned out to be a selfish inconsiderate back stabber. she even told the guy i like that i kicked her out, and he bought her lie, and now he wont talk to me. but whatever happens between us will be on him, because even though she shouldn't have lied to him, its on him that her never gave me a chance to explain myself or tell him the whole story. but as for her, i tried to work things between us, and she agreed to be friends, and i was willing to let go of everything that happened, and even let go of the fact that she never once said "thank you" or apologized to me or my family, and she never will, because she doesn't think she did anything wrong. and whenever anyone asked me what happened i just said "we got into it and she left."when it was so easy for me to tell the truth and make everyone resent her, but i didnt. i took the high road. and the whole reason we got into an argument, was because i asked her to sleep on the couch because i had to work the next day , and she didnt have to do anything. but she told me no and i slept on the couch because of how desperate i was for sleep. and thats when i had it with her selfish crap, and when i put my foot down she goes "if i dont do what you want, you get mad." well no shit Sherlock, you kicked me out of the room ive lived in for 14 years, and i had to work and you didnt. and when i called her she interrupted me and said "its my turn to talk" and i said "no i called you, i started talking, you wait." and she hung up on me, so i told her she better not be home when i get there, cuz im gonna yell at her, so she said she was leaving for a few days so i can "get my "precious" sleep" and i said, "good, you can move out for all i care cuz im sick of your shit." and yeah it is fucking precious sleep, cuz when she doesn't get it she turns into a bitch, if i dont get it im overracting. and i had it with her doing whatever she wants, whenever she wanted with no regard to me or my family.  so im glad she's gone. because not only did i find out how selfish and inconsiderate of a person she was when she lived with me, but also how bitter and back stabbing of a person she is when she moved out. and two weeks ago we agreed to drop it and be friends, and i found out today that she had been talking more shit and lies (other than "she kicked me out") two days ago. and i was like " you know what, fuck her and her shit, im done" and i am. she's a selfish, inconsiderate, petty, bitter person, and i don't need her bring me down. especially when i have so many amazing people in my life who help me stay lifted, they know whats going on and they even tell, "you don't need to put up with this" and they're right, and im not going to anymore. so after i give her the last bit of her stuff back, and she moves to another state in half a month, i never will have to worry about seeing her or hearing from her ever again. if she wants to continue to be petty and bitter and talk shit behind my back, i don't care, that's on her and i wont let it bother me, and if she wants to text or email fight me, she can, but i wont respond, if she calls me, i wont answer. im gonna take her and all the shit she put me through and put it behind me and move one. because i have bigger and better plans for my life than to let someone hold me down. and this doesn't just mean her, it means any negative person in my life. this was just to rant, and i was even so nice as to leave her anonymous. this was pretty much venting. i wont stoop down to her level, because i believe in karma, and i believe the universe will give her what she deserves. and she'll have no one else to blame but herself, and i already know her life will be hard, so im not worried about a thing. everything and every person from this point on in my life, if they try to drag me down, ill just cut them off. im gonna live my life to make me happy.  

[thegiftcurse-blog]

This hit home quick:

"Louis C.K.: I learned that those things aren't so bad. I learned that the benefit of the education is worth the trouble. It goes away. You take a few days off, and let yourself wallow, and then you get a little tired of hearing it from yourself, and then you get interested in something else. It would be like if you could go to hell, for a visit, before you die, and you found out it wasn't so bad. If damnation is actually kind of comfortable, the place they put you up is kind of nice, and the people are cool. And then you go back to your life and say, Fuck this, man. I'm doing whatever I want.

Having a movie go down in flames and having a series canceled, and the cancelation cheered by the fucking TV intelligentsia, those are the two hells of putting yourself out there and trying to make a show. I've lived them both, and it wasn't so bad. I still had wind in my sails, so now I'm not afraid to do that anymore."

Full article here.