A rant of sorts Bc I can’t anywhere else.
You know, having to be the one that has to hold everyone and everything together really weighs on a person.
It’s been over 6 months since I was laid off and I have yet to get another job. For a while I was holding out for a job at the VA that sounded very promising. Each month that has passed I gave up a little more of that hope. Now I’m sitting here feeding chickens (no offense, I actually love the people that I’m feeding chickens for) to try and make my ends meet while I continue to apply online through job screeches and indeed with no luck of being hired.
Things happen and even though my life has been turned upside down for half a year I’m still the one that is turned too and yet still the one that gets fussed at because I don’t have a “job” I’m sorry if you think I’m not trying, but I am. I’m applying to jobs everyday, I’ve gone to interviews, just not getting the job in the end.
If you think for a moment I don’t realize the danger I am in of face planting come next month if I don’t have a job you are mistaken. I realize it, I know it, I understand it. I know that my “cushion” is gone and I will no longer be able to pay my rent or light bill. I know that I’m in a downward spiral and the bottom is fast approaching. I’ve been pulling on the parachute cord for a while now but it’s broken it seems.
People say pray, and all I can do it shake my head. Pray? I lost that faith a long time ago and my situation now doesn’t make be believe any more either. Pray for what? I mean how could any of this have happened if there were something to pray too. I have no one. My family depended on me and yet I was laid off left with no way to provide for my family. So I really don’t want to hear about just pray and it’ll be okay because my prayers have forever gone unheard. If you don’t like that just unfriend me now, it’s fine.
I’ve thought I’ve been at the lowest a few times in life but nope, I tend to fall a little lower, Hell I should be close to China by now. There is no light to even reach for at this point, just darkness. If I lay here can I stay here. I’m tired of not getting anywhere, so if I save a white flag what is soiled with my sweat, tears and blood can I just lay here and become nothing. No nothing.
Anyways. That’s what’s on my mind.
