From How to Kill a Narcissist: Debunking the Myth of Narcissism and Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse by J.H. Simon
Some people could have unwittingly fallen into a narcissist regime from a young age, and/or they could be an emotionally sensitive person. Empaths, as they are referred to:
are intuitive and possess high emotional intelligence
experience their emotions with a very high intensity, which often debilitates and severely stunts the ability for rational thought
can sense and are very attuned to the emotions of others, even going as far as to take on these emotions, which can quickly drain the Empath’s energy if they are not careful
are good listeners and can sacrifice their attention for long periods of time
have a very strong craving to connect with others emotionally, which is often stronger than reason and common sense
have more difficulty than others in keeping up with daily life, and so are more prone to seeking out a higher power for guidance and support
can more easily be influenced than others
The emotional world of an Empath is very rich. They are artists and dreamers. They inspire others with their energy and zest for life. They are healers, and usually very creative and spiritual. They can brighten up a person’s day just by being themselves. Yet this richness comes with a cost:
Empaths crave love and connection more than most people, and they suffer when isolated. As a result of this deep need for emotional connection, their boundaries are usually weak.
The emotional buttons of an Empath are easier to push than those of Non-Empaths. Because they have a super sensitive emotional antenna, even the smallest attack can shake them up. When somebody else shows intense emotion, whether it be anger, sadness or outrage, the Empath feels like they are being engulfed and bombarded. With that, their immune system drops and their anxiety increases.
They often feel fatigued, just by being around people. They get sick more easily. They are often nervous and afraid. It has nothing to do with strength; inside their body and mind, they are simply overwhelmed with fear, shame and anxiety. This deafening, blinding emotional system makes it hard to see out into the world.
Empaths must have structure at all times. They need an environment which insulates them so that emotions don’t get out of hand.
For all of the above reasons, Empaths are perfect targets for narcissists. Their inner beauty, weak boundaries, compromised internal strength and strong need for connection make them a gold mine of narcissistic supply. To get the upper hand, the narcissist only has to bombard the emotional system of the Empath and then coerce the Empath into cooperating with their demands.
A high degree of skill and support is required to manage the often tumultuous inner world of the Empath properly. In many families, especially conservative, traditional or abusive ones, the need of the Empath to be deeply understood and supported can be neglected. Even worse, especially for men, they can be shamed for their 'softness'. These unmet needs and an inability to weather their emotional storm can leave the Empath with low self-esteem and an overwhelming craving for love, and not really be aware why. The narcissist will smell this like a shark smells blood and swoop in. The charm of the narcissist can be intoxicating and irresistible to the Empath. The narcissist can offer the Empath structure, even though that structure is oppressive and mostly benefits the narcissist.
Identifying with being an Empath and/or with being born into a narcissist regime can help you understand how your origins have impacted your life so far, and can also remind you that it’s not your fault. Most importantly, it can help you draw a line and make the decision to take your future into your own hands. Where you go from here is entirely within your power.
