I honestly would be with a guy if I knew they wouldn't actually give me shit for not having sex or if I was sure they'd do good in an open relationship
Have you ever watched Scrubs? Adora and Bow remind me of JD and Turk.
i haven’t! it’s funny tho bc i literally reblogged a post from that show a few hours ago on my main blog (at least i think it was from the show). i have memories of being like,,,5-7 ish age range and being in the room while my mom watched it, if that’s any indication of how baby i am
Welcome to another episode of oversharing 101 with Ray. There was this 1 - 1.5 years period of my life that was fuckeddddddd
Trigger warning for usage of a LOT of pills and mentions of physical illness. Stay safe and comfy gang
If I remember right, I was taking around 36 pills a day. Yes, 3 and 6. Thirty six. (if I remember right, let's count the ones I remember using)
1 x 1 of Lansor, a pill used to protect my stomach from other pills (somehow)
1 x 12 of cortisone hormone pills
3 x 2 of Salofalk pills
2 x 1 of immunosuppressants (yes literally used to suppress my immune system, which made me 100% weaker to colds fevers flus and all)
2 x 1 of iron pills
1 x 1 of B12 pills
1 x 1 of calcium and magnesium pills
1 x 1 of vitamin D pills
3 x 1 spoons of another stomach protector syrup
1 x 1 of Zinc pills
2 x 1 antibiotics
And occasional painkillers or stomach pills for nausea
Idk how may that adds up to or how far along I'm off but anyway
Mind you I'm 12-13 at the time. I'm completely fucked up over a new illness I know nothing about, or how to deal with, or how to cope with, couldn't process anything for shit, no one is properly telling me anything bc I'm young, I wouldn't fully understand the things they tried to explain bc I was young, was constantly hospitalized every one or two months for weeks
And I HATED taking meds. I still do. They were making me weak, they always had different reactions on my body, I had to change them constantly so my body doesn't develop immunity to them. I always had a weak stomach so I threw up bc of the meds all the time, but I had to keep them in for their effects so it was even harder to be nauseous and have a stomach ache 24/7. And overall just the sheer AMOUNT of it was TOO much for me. For any child, really. Or human at all. No one should be taking 30+ pills a day while very depressed from a possibility fatal illness they've newly gotten and don't know what to do with and don't understand
I couldn't go to school properly, I couldn't eat properly because I was on a very strict diet as to not trigger my illness, doctor check ups almost every week getting more and more depressing, I'M getting more depressive, couldn't move around bc of how weak my body has become bc of the illness. Be it my bones, muscles, heart or lungs, they were all weak as shit. I couldn't even walk from one room to the other without being out of breath, can you fucking imagine. And being stuck sitting as a kid who loved running around really fucked me up. Especially when everyone around me was still moving on with whatever, be it moving, eating, going to school, and all the other stuff
I had doctors tell me every time I was hospitalized that this illness was gonna kill me. Not because it's terminal, but because it had the chance of spreading more and more and draining my body completely. Or turning into a kind of cancer and killing me
So for me it was either live all your life with meds and hope it doesn't get worse, get a surgery that has lower than 50% certain success rate/has the chance for the illness to repeat itself even if the surgery was successful, or die because of this
Well I didn't die, I didn't get the surgery, and I haven't been on meds for almost a year now. So fuck on that, God. And there were other periods of my life I was completely off meds for a while, only to get a flare up and get hospitalized and start all of them again. But I'm relatively okay now. It sometimes repeats, and it kinda changed shape to cause even more problems for me in different ways, and I'm still effected by it 100% of my life
The only med I'm on rn is a pen shot I get every two months, and I don't count that. So. It's good I guess
It was just really fucked up, yk? Having to keep track of myself, my meds, my school work, my health, my body, my mental state, all when I was still very pre-development brain-wise
Anyways enough oversharing for tonight. No one read the last one, which I'm lowkey happy for bc I don't want y'all to get uncomfortable while I'm venting, but also if anyone is reading thanks for listening to my Ted talk gang it means a lot ily
June 2016 was the last summer I've spent happy before everything went to shit for me. And not even a full summer. Just first two weeks of June
The second week of June we went to the seaside for swimming and oh I absolutely love swimming. The sea the salt my entire family it was heaven. I still have photos from that day and how I'm smiling like an actual kid and like I have no problems in my life and everything is perfect
The week after that I fractured my shoulder
Week after that I got hospitalized for my illness for the first time but we didn't know it back then
Week after that we lost my cousin and aunt and couldn't even attend to the funeral properly because I was in the hospital
Same week was my birthday and the first birthday I've spent in the hospital absolutely in agony
I've spent the entire July in and out of hospitals, misdiagnosed at first, got the wrong treatment. I was being treated with a medicine I was apparently allergic to as we found out later on, which fucked up my body when it was supposed to be helping me heal
The actual thing progressed while I was getting treated for something else, then I got my official diagnosis in August 2016 and I was fucking 11
So this week is actually the ten year anniversary of the last healthy days I've had before my entire life shifted on its axis and every second of it is still fucking me up
I still haven't moved on or aged up even one day since that summer, I've been stuck there for ten years
✽ Hyacinth: What is the best compliment you’ve gotten?
one that’s always stuck with me was when I just came to secondary school and was in art class for the first time. my teacher saw the still-life I was working on and he asked if I thought I was a good artist. I said no. he replied “you’re right. you’re not good. you’re brilliant.”while I can’t agree with it even now, it really made 12 year old me happy and it’s nice to remember sometimes. he was a good teacher.
✽ Rose: What is something that you love?
I love my datefriend, my cat, sitcoms, scented candles and coffee!
