#tw trauma

[purityinlace]

why do people romanticize grooming i’ve thought about this so much these past few days. i don’t think they fully grasp the emotional damage and trauma from being groomed at a young age (talking from experience)

🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

[evanwasheree]

why do my parents constantly treat me as if I’m 5 and that i need 24/7 supervision

im genuinely so fucking pissed ab this. my dad just sent me to bed earlier than normal bc my older ‘brother’ wasn’t home. i was confused on why and he was like ‘oh bc nobody is with you and the living room will be dark and I don’t want you to get scared!!!!’

now normally i wouldn’t have an issue with a parent doing this to like a small child. but we’re pushing fucking 15

like genuinely shut the fuck up. you didn’t think ab my fear when you hit me for being gay or not wanting to give up my phone did you lmfaoo

fuck everyone in my family im being deadass

im not even allowed to go to school by myself I’m genuinely miserable

the only time I feel at peace is at night when everyone is asleep and only I’m up (bc no one is giving me shit and it’s genuinely peaceful) and even that is being taken away from me

i just want to be treated like a normal functioning teen who is capable of being rational and making their own decisions. but whenever I suggest something im always treated as im dumb

wtv i’ll cut tmrw or smth

and it won’t even be enough. i wanna die so bad

[belovedblossoms]

I know, it's been MONTHS since I've truly been active on here and I apologize again for not keeping my promise to be back like the last time I said I would. And I plan to do drafts but just putting them in queue over time. But...life has started dragging me through hell I'm not gonna lie, so my talking about it here will be a long one if you wish to read through all this. My anxiety has been getting fucked up as well as my mental health and I've been pretty scared about it. I've vented about this to a few close friends here that already know about it but it's just been getting worse that I still want a space to vent and share what I've been going on with.

TLDR; My grandma falsely claiming ab*se against my mom and I to the point she's attempting to move out and called the cops on us.

So basically its been a rough two weeks.

Ive actually had a lot of shifts (so yay more money lol) last week and this week. Last week my grandma has had really bad pain going on on Monday that she had us take her to the ER at 11pm. We didn't leave until 6am the next day and I had to go in early at 7am for a mandatory back to work/orientation thing I can't miss out that next day so I was very delurious and tired. Hospital had us come back to pick her up by 12pm and they didn't do much for her but give medicine for her UTI and Tylenol. Then the day after she resumed to complain about whatever additional pain she has going on but to the point she was screaming and yelling like she was sounding like she's getting attacked. We didn't know what else to do but put a hot towel and pack on the pain source, we're not nurses but we try. It's to the point where it's stressing mom and I out and just getting exhausted that our attitude shifts to irritation towards her and she takes it as berating/hateful actions from us to her. It's been constant situations like this for the past 8 years. And I guess it had her reached to the point she wants to move out. She won't tell us where or with who since she asked my cousin to help her find a place. Over the week she's taken down all the pictures and art from the wall she claims are hers, this and that other stuff around the house (mostly making the caretaker we hired to watch over her do the work while her wrist is injured), moved most of my stuff out of the way of things for her stuff, and yesterday as I was leaving for work a locksmith came she called for i guess to put a lock on her door. Idk what for when she's planning on leaving. Or she thinks we're thieves stealing from her when we're *not*. We've done nothing but help her with anything and have her at home instead of putting her at a senior home. It's just...been a lot. I find myself quietly going around the house and avoiding encountering her, the whole thing makes me feel sick or numb like it's unreal. Mom is washing her hands of it and doesn't seem bothered but I guess I am. And now today I heard that my uncle has gotten a message from my grandma's friends (who was her senior bus driver that used to take her to dialysis before he retired) to threaten to call APS. Again, we NEVER hurt or abuse her or any of the sort. It hurts even more knowing he was so nice but now the trust is gone, even with the caregiver getting included too. This whole thing has been a nightmare it's hard to even look forward and be excited to other things I have going on soon.

And I was just gonna post all that previously yesterday, but my grandma has escalated drastically today. This morning I heard her and my mom arguing after mom confronted her about the threat and grandma calling us names and ransacked the house making a mess. Then she called the police on us. I just...can't believe everything right now. It feels unreal and I never felt so alone in all of this right now. I get the times we don't get along, get frustrated and annoyed with her but she just refuses to learn that she's older and retired. Mom and I aren't super doctors nor her maids. We only do what we can to help her but we also don't have much of a life either along with us going to work. She really thinks we're hurting her but she's been the one doing that and manipulation the whole time for years. Just...everything thrown out the window. I'm just really scared and numb and mourning at how it's come to this, I'm just holed up in my room. My family used to be so close when I was a kid and everyone moved away over the years so it doesn't feel the same and now this.

[tl-la-latina]

I forgot to post this a while ago here.

When one’s coping mechanism is ripped away from you, chances are, you will start to spiral

Previous

[movewhereyougrow]

"Inherited" trauma and overcoming my birthright

There's been a few terms thrown around. "Inherited trauma" really struck a chord with me, but I see "intergenerational trauma" used as well. What I'm talking about today is specifically the effects that traumatized parents can have on the children they raise.

tw for death and abuse mentions

My partner bought chocolate oranges for us for Christmas. We get settled, and I slam mine on the table with the force of a thousand suns. A few orange slices always broke, but hey, you gotta crack a few eggs. My partner looked over in quiet horror before gently rolling his orange on the desk and getting a much prettier, much less messy treat. "That's how my family showed me," was my sheepish defense as I ate my chocolate shards.

It's weird to realize how many things you were taught wrong as you get older.

I was already in college when I started realizing how weird my relationships with my parents were. Being around other adults besides the people I grew up around was making it really clear that I wasn't on the same page as everyone else.

To this day, I can still recount every tragedy and trauma from both of my parents' lives. The untimely death of a mother, a string of cheating husbands, dead siblings, assaults. When they had these conversations with me (as young as 6 because I have a strong memory of an incident) I can say in retrospect that they weren't modeling a healthy relationship with their emotions.

These trauma vomits came at random, always met with hyperventilating and red faces and tears. Often a screaming match about something seemingly unrelated. My mom never had a mother-child relationship modeled for her, she couldn't. My dad never had a father-child relationship, either.

When it came time to grow up and start coping with my own traumas, instead of being productive, it always came out in the same way. Red-faced, crying, and inconsolable. That's how emotions were modeled for me. Feel nothing, say nothing, until it's too much and you have no choice but to let everything out at once.

It's easy to riff answers for an essay exam, but the hard part is actually executing coping skills. I was a little deluded into thinking that because I knew all this shit, I just had to be better at coping with everything. It took some vulnerability to open up and relent to the fact I couldn't employ any coping skills despite knowing them.

I was shown by my parents that there is no room for flexibility or "give." Hold firm until you shatter, no bending. This research article from 2021 really put me down this path of realization the first time I stumbled across it a few years back.

Like a lot of skills, you don't realize you're getting better until you're backed into a corner and have to rely on them. Going from 30 mins to calm down from a panic attack to 25 mins doesn't feel like a lot, but doing that one or two more times cuts that distress time down by half.

It takes a lot of little steps to go a long way. It's daunting. Every now and then, I leave my parents on read for a few weeks instead of dealing with them. Not the healthiest, probably, but I don't have explosive arguments with them every other week now.

None of this is to say that traumatized children will become adults who make more traumatized children--cycles can always be broken. I just found this whole perspective enlightening in terms of forgiving abusers. Living 3K miles away definitely helped facilitate forgiveness, but having precise words for how I felt failed made it easier to process my emotions about it.

If you spend your whole life watching people smash chocolate oranges, you're gonna have a lot of shattered chocolate. It can feel really embarrassing (for fuck's sake, it's a chocolate orange, doesn't everyone know how these work?) but the most important thing to do is offer grace to those who are learning.

[starseneyes]

Wave the Magic Wand on Trauma

I've been doing a lot of healing this past year, but there are still moments where the trauma of everything breaks through, often triggered by something seemingly small.

And much as I hate it, I understand it's just a part of my life. It won't ever fully go away, but it will become more manageable.

Still, it's hard when it hits and the person you're with wants to "fix" you when you know in your heart there is no fix.

God, I love my Dad so much. But he doesn't understand.

He gets frustrated that he can't help me. And that makes me feel guilty, and it's this awful loop.

It only lasted a few moments. I was able to navigate my way out of it. But I could feel his frustration when tears started to slip down my cheeks.

But trauma is trauma and you can't just shake it loose. It's always there. It's just about managing it and finding a way through.

Less than a song length later—we were listening to the radio—I'd pulled myself back together and was singing along with the kids. But, it's been a bit since the trauma hit like that.

Why share? Because somebody else out there might be in a similar boat. Maybe it feels like a setback... like you messed up or like you were "weak" or something.

But, you're not. You're human.

You've been through more than most people know. And sometimes that trauma presents itself at the most inopportune time.

Don't beat yourself up. Breathe through it. Find your way. And give yourself grace as you remember how far you've come.

We've got this.

[blissfullychaoticproductions]

bro why couldnt i jsut get like 1 trauma why i have to get 50 thousand traumas likeeeee ok parents fighting is enoguh trauma i didnt need exposed to sexual content at 8 years old i definetly didnt need touched innapropriately(nonconsensual version!) like bro i just wanna be like a normal teen whos like a little traumatized so im funny not alot traumatized so i think abt it nonstop

[t-ired-t-renchcoat]

the "how to ACTUALLY write trauma" posts/vids genuinely fuck me up cause you dont control how your brain sees things as trauma nor do you control how it processes it or how much it cares or Anything

personally what happened to me didnt result in sadness and isolation it results in masked rage and violent and cannibalistic intrusive thoughts And Its Not A Stereotype And Shouldnt Be

it can Not be that hard to remember that People Have Different Brains and whats true for you and your own group of people ISNT UNIVERSAL!!!!!!!!!

points at my tumblr blog title