#tw trauma

[sleepybunnydreams]

I fucking hate when minors say I need an older man like no you don't saying this as a victim of pedophilia I've literally gotten rape threats cus of it I couldn't sleep for fucking days

[0bscvr1ty]

Do you avoid problems? I personally dive headfirst so gimme a different perspective if you can xp

Fawn, tell myself not to fawn, then depending on the situation; its either fight response or avoidant response.

I'm avoidant in the sense I try not to cause problems but when faced with them I have to reconize where/when I reach my emotional limits, and wether or not the perceived stress inducer can be solved through other options, and take a step back.

It's nice in situations where the outcome turns out less painful, a damn curse when I feel like a cornered kid again.

[thephantomsventblog]

A really dumb rant, but I want to vent my emotions since I ended up going to a place that gave me bad memories last night. Basically this is how I actually am, and I won't change my mind for ANYONE! Ok? Now, I have a crush on a guy, I ranted about his slut of a girlfriend a while back, praying that they're no longer together anymore. So I'll admit that I ended up at a place last night that reminded me of that painful week when I found out about the little skank (curs her to hell if she's still with him!)

Now I don't know if they're together because it's been almost 2 years since he's mentioned that waste of oxygen, so I assume they might be broken up, but I don't ever really look at his Facebook page because I'm scared I'll see that silly little creature on his page. I also leave the room when he's talking to other people because I'm scared he'll mention her. That messed with my mental health so badly in 2024. I absolutely hate that year because of that as well as have trust issues with millennials (he's a 90s millennial fyi.) so I have a very hard time wanting to be around anyone in that generation because of that incident.

I think he might be single now, I don't want to speak too soon though, because knowing my luck that glasses wearing troglodyte probably trapped him or some other bimbo. If he isn't single and if he's actually, say, engaged or married without me knowing, I'll completely remove myself from the dating pool! Like I don't give a fuck who wants to date me, I don't care if I'm being selfish, I don't want anyone else but him! There's something about him that's different then other men I've liked. To me, those past relationships/crushes that I'm not just friends with now were, and still are, all garbage compared to him! He's way different then those has-beens and I'd never reconsider them!

Nor will I consider anyone else! I'd rather die alone then go with someone else! I don't care if what I'm doing is "unhealthy" I'd rather be happy then settle with some loser who thinks he can have whatever he wants! I really don't care about other men, if you want to be more then friends, get the fuck out! You are not him! You will never be him! I do even want to have children in the future, but if I don't get to be with him, I'll just adopt. I'm against the idea of IVF because I don't want some garbage POS's child in me! So if I become a single mother by choice, I'd rather help an innocent already born child actually have a good life instead of making some incel a dad!

And before someone says I'm being "spoiled" or "mental" I know! My whole life was unfair! I lived a worse life than you can imagine! I was SAd when I was a toddler by a Daria looking glasses bitch, I was abused by my father who dated that whore, I was in and out of being homeless my whole life and was robbed of having a normal childhood! So I deserve at least one good thing in my life! And yes, I do know I'm mentally ill! I've mentioned it before multiple times on here, so I can't really help that this is how I feel about this one man. And no I'm not going to go to therapy just so I can get over him! I refuse to just settle anymore! I either get him or I die alone! Those are the only option, take it or leave it!

That's why I'm making a second rant about relationship arrangements and about how I hate them and think they suck and remove a womans freedom to choose who she wants.

[yaoiandcakecrumbs]

but uh yeah so yesterday we told pur beother everything about our system and he was like

yeah that makes sense given the trauma mom gave you a few years ago

im not scared of anyone

im simply scared of someone yelling

i shut down yesterday when we were talking,, yesterday didnt feel real

i shut down when we were talking and fully couldnt understand what he was saying purely because my brain shut down and i couldnt give a coherent response

he has told me that if mom lays a fucking finger on me he will make certain she never does it again

so

thats good

but like

oh my fucking god i feel like so much happened yesterday

[evanwasheree]

lmaooo i got scolded for saying ‘i wasn’t talking to you’

this by itself is whatever, and admittedly it does sound rude out of context, but the person I was saying it to (my ‘sibling’) calls me the r word at least 3 times a week and is one of the reasons why we’re a system (he emotionally and physically abused us).

ooh poor bwaby 😿😿😿😿😿😿 can’t handle someone saying they weren’t talking to u 😿😿😿😿😿🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 its okway baby you can keep calling me the r word, be a homophobic, sexist, racist cunt who says the n word as well despite being PALE WHITE and scare me but I can’t say ‘i wasn’t talking to you’ 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😿😿😿😿😿😿😞😞😞😞

he’s pushing 18 by the way

[holy-hound-dog]

Knowing from a fairly young age(like 11 or 12) that having 0 memories of your childhood isn't normal, and then you start noticing symptoms of abuse withen yourself (hypersexulity and very upsetting intrusive thoughts & obbesseions where the main ones I could recognize by the time I was 13/14) while simaltainusly knowing you have repressed memories because you have small flashes of /something/ and as I meantioned 0 childhood memories ain't normal, while having a conspiracy parent who wont shut the fuck up about Satanic ritual abuse is awsome because you not only get the "Oh God, what happened to me?" thoughts, you are also acutely aware that NOTHING is off the table in terms of things you could have went through, you're brain can erase anything. It can hide unimaginable horrors from you--- is a very very odd forum of trauma to even put into text.

Now, I am fairly confident in saying I did not experince SRA or any type of OEA in general- just your standard run of the mill pusdo-incestous abuse that seems to come free with having a step father - but still this is absolutely horrorfic shit to be tormented by. I was aware of nearly every type of abuse known to man (and theres far more ways to torture someone then you think. I'm sure its impossible to know all the methods, it's truely limitless) by the time I reached highschool thanks to my dad talking at me about it in graphic detail non stop. (Obviously this is in no way comparable to experiencing this type of Hell first hand, and I never want to make it seem like I think that.)

[melonshake]

"i don't wanna reopen any old wounds" why not

[asktheodore]

Shut up.. you’re not any better.. shut up..

Get out of my head.. get out of my fucking head..